It's Only Words...

Words don’t fascinate me. Floral ornamented lines don’t sweep me. Strangely some lines have stuck in my head like glue and haunt me every now and then. Some words become synonymous with people and some words come together beautifully to construct a line. These lines even sans music sound like music to the ears. These lines go so deep down in the heart that they refuse to leave. These lines become your emotions. You cry when they make you cry you laugh when they want you to… Lines that you instantly recognize with when they come any close to what you feel at that moment. So I find it funny when so often we get hooked to sad songs after a heart break! Or often find the most romantic love song when we are in love.

I am not a genre person. I love music. Any music. Music that music to me at that time. If I like rock today, not necessary that I will like it tomorrow. My song choices are fluid. I hated Glen Medeiros ‘ Nothings gonna change shit’ as I grew up, will always hate it. Too candy floss for me… hollow lyrics… he doesn’t mean what he says obviously. Nobody loves forever. So these lyrics don’t hold any ground for me. I hated “last Christmas’ gooeeeeeyyyyyy! Yuck! Made me diabetic it was so sweet!

Not to deviate from my basic intention of writing today – Song lyrics that swept me off the floor.

1. Main Zindagi Ka Sath Nibhata Chala Gaya – this song never fails to amuse me. Just so aptly describes how life should be taken easy!

2. Love to see you cry – I love the video on the whole. I never get bored of this song. The line particularly that kills me is : you don’t know how much it hurts when you fall asleep in my arms.

3. Tere Bina Jiya Jaaye Na – all who know me well know I looooooooooove this song. Something about it… particularly the line ‘Jab bhi khayalon mein tu aaye, mere badan se khushboo aaye’ is so subtly suggestive! Gulzar is a genius, I bow to his genius.

4. Din pyar ke aayenge – this song os from Sawerewali Gadi. Poonam Dhillon flirtatiously and blithe fully running behind a train. This song is just HAPPY under my scanner. No frilly lyrics, just simply happy.

5. Insatiable – Darren Hayes has perhaps redeemed his foolish candy floss career with this one song. Sensuous, sultry and sexy this song is experienced best with lights off in a dark room on loudspeakers. ‘ I fall asleep inside of you, there are no words there's only truth’.

6. Eminem – I cannot pick one song of this man who writes what I feel in my heart. I so totally relate to all his song no matter what my mood is. No sham, pure attitude is what makes me love him and his music. I love cleaning out my closet and Stan, but all his songs are amazing. I worship you lord!

but how dare you try to take what you didn't help me to get, you selfish bitch, I hope you fuckin' burn in hell for this shit, remember when Ronnie died and you said you wished it was me, well guess what, I am dead, dead to you as can be...

7. In the end – Linkin Park, the whole song makes sense to me. I tried so hard and got so far, but in the end it doesn’t even matter…

8. Kiss from a rose – Seal - I heard this line ‘You became the light on the dark side of me.’ And I died! The song is mesmerizing… nothing else! My eyes become large and,
   The light that you shine can be seen

9. ABBA – I have been a huge huge Abba fan since childhood… so whatever their songs may be I just loved singing their songs..i still do!

10. Chupke Se – Saathiya.. Gulzar nipping out magic through his pen. Can you better this???

Farvari ki sardiyon ki dhoop mein
Moondi moondi ankhiyon se dekhna
Haath ki aad se
Neemi neemi thand aur aag mein
Haule haule maarwa ke raag mein
Meer ki baat ho

11. Have you ever really loved a woman – Bryan Adams has got this one right! The song makes me melt and how. The lyrics are fluid… they crawl over my skin and clamp onto my head like an octopus grabs it prey. When you see her unborn children in her eyes….Beautiful alliance of words and music.

12. Father Figure – George Michael – Waste of a man! But what a song this is. Sensuality personified. Lyrics and music that can teleport you to a different level all together. All time favorite. So when you remember the one’s who have lied, who said that they cared but left as you cried…

13. Maa – Taare Zameen Par – the one and only song that got tears to my eyes when I heard it. And that happens practically every time I hear it. Bhej na itna duur mujhko tu..yaad bhi tujhko aana paun maa.
    

14. Chhoti Si Kahani Se – Ijaazat – Na Jaane kyu…dil bhar gaya… na jaane kyu… aankh bhar gayi…Gulzar…!!! I have nothing to say here.

15. Tujhse Naraz Nahi – Masoom – Jeene ke liye socha hi nahi.. dard sambhalne honge… muskuraye to…muskurane ke…karz utarne honge…

16. Khabar Nahi – Dostana – the new song… something about it that makes me happy always. Bubblegum song totally but I love it!

17. Aaj phir jeene ki tamanna hai – Guide – the song as legendary as the movie itself. Waheeda Rehman looking stunning and dancing to the song like it was her own story!

18. Bol Na Halke – JBJ – Gulzar! Ghoonghat hi bana lo roshni se noor ke! ….Kitne dino se yeh aasma bhi soya nahi hai…isko sula de!

19. Jaane Kya Baat Hai – Sunny – Amrita Singh singing on TV and Sunny Deol innocently looking… the visuals flash on my mind instantly. Neend nahi aati…badi lambi raat hai!

20. Mitwa – KANK – I love this song for some strange reason. I love the way SRK spreads his arms in this song and sings it… I love everything about it… ‘ teri nigahen, paa gayi rahein..par tu yeh soche jaun na jaun… yeh zindagi jo hai naachti to… kyu bediyon mein hai tere paaon!’

There are obviously a lot more and I will keep adding them time and again…. You can post you favorites… a song…lyrics… situations or just about any reason for liking a song!

The teacher called Life!

Everything happens for a reason. Nothing is by chance or your luck. Every action and reaction is well calculated somewhere in the cosmos and we are only purely executing it unwittingly. There is nothing that can be left to chance. I don’t believe in chance, fate, luck, and destiny or in any other word from this family because it doesn’t exist. It is either your hard work or someone else’s that makes or breaks things in your life.

Ever since I was a child, I would rationalize in my mind why certain things went wrong. And when they did, they mostly were followed by repercussions that taught me something. Every incident, good or bad, has something to teach us. When it’s good it’s easy to decipher. But when it’s a bad incident or offshoot, we often get busy crying and mulling over it rather than knowing what it actually wants to teach us. There is always a solution to every problem. There is always an alternate road to every broken path. Life is the best teacher according to me.

Every experience that we go through in life has such a deep yet subtle sublime lesson. Everything happens for a reason. It’s such a vast topic I don’t know which one point to pick to start. I remember, when I got bad marks or didn’t score as much, my parents would whine and my friends would mock at me, but deep down inside, I believed, this is not my path…studies is not what I want to do. So the dropping result graph kept re-assuring me that I was made for something else. One time, we were given an essay to write in school for our English subject. I don’t know how others wrote, but I wrote with my heart into it. I had never written with so much care and attention. A passage that was 3 pages long…. I was stunned when the whole class clapped for me. And this was just the next day after I got punished for not finishing my homework.

Small little things hint towards big results that we don’t know yet. The most interesting chapter of life is ‘people’. Every soul that comes into our lives has a purpose. We may choose to ignore it but cannot erase it. Even when a deluge of people is around you there may be one, who would have a purpose of being there… A book I read some time back by Mitch Albom ‘ Five people I met in heaven’, brought a smile to my face because the book says exactly what I mean here. We often ignore the people whom we come across in life. Either they are irrelevant or inconsequential. But our brain is not foresighted, so it only retains information that it finds is relevant for now. So the people we meet, the action we do are all an offshoot of the way our brain reacts. If you don’t exist for me now, you don’t exist at all! But that’s not true. Someone somewhere will cross our paths again. Haven’t we all come across situations in life where we met somebody for a short while and many years later met again in strange situations?! Don’t we all say ‘The world is a small place’! So isn’t it true that every soul has a purpose.

Everybody I have met has taught me something, good or bad. Whether it is making new friends, letting go of old, meeting complete strangers and reunion with the lost! This one person who taught me how to love yourself, one friend who showed me how beautiful life is. One amazing human I met on the strangest journey’s to Bangalore who taught me how to smile your problems away no matter how big and gory they may be. One friend who taught me to live life king size even when he was broke. He showed me little joys of life that did not need you to be rich with money, but rich at heart. My aunt taught me generosity, my cousin who showed me how to dress well and flaunt! So many friends who taught me what friendship is, even when I was a difficult person to put up with! These are the obvious ones!

But the real lessons you learn from people who are totally obscure. The beggars on the street, I have not seen a single frowning face ever. They may be God’s deprived children, but they don’t even know what they are blessed with. PEACE! No fuss in life coz they are so away from all the stress of it. This one boy I saw in Bandra who apparently lost his left hand in the train blast was working in a hotel serving food! Before that he was working in an MNC in their housekeeping earning well. That’s fighter spirit for you.

I owe a lot to life, for teaching me things that my text books forgot to teach me. I owe it to all the people who have touched my life by existing in it and being a part even if they were in the crowd. The five people I’d like to meet in heaven would be –

- My Mother, I have some questions to ask

- Charu, coz I will need her everywhere

- My friend Atul, for inspiring me, always

- My great grandfather, whose valiance I have only heard about.

- this one man, who I choose not to name, to settle a score up there!

I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you learn to appreciate them when they're right. You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself...and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.

Marylyn Monroe

Jhoom Le!

Jhoom Le... saare gham bhool ke... jhoom le...

She doesnt remember the lyrics clearly, but this is what is lingering in her for the past 48 hours. Any specific reason why? Yes.... these are the lyrics of the first ever ad film she shot! No ordinary story my friends... it's genuinely a dream come true. A lebanese telecom giant, comes to India to shoot a bollywood routine with even bigger giants like Farah Khan in the director's seat, Ravi Chandran who makes it all look so good on screen and Omung Kumar the hand behind the fab set... and one new AD among 2 experienced one's...running around the sets trying to make some sense out of the controlled chaos...that's me!

My first ad shoot with with such big names is something i will remember for the rest of my life. I was handling costumes and Ashima who was the chief AD is the most charming and helping AD you'd find around here. Pierre was a darling, he virtually handheld me through the shoot, sweetly telling me how to give claps, how to deal with people, how to always avoid being around a temperamental director and tips that i will remember for life! I was like a total novice! No clue about anything that was happening. Doing what was asked from me. I was totally lost in the madness on the set enjoying every moment. I ran up and down two floors some 20 times, but every drop of sweat that ran down my cheek felt like it was blocking me so the sun won't stop me.... every time my name was called i felt like i existed... everytime i did my job well i felt i achieved something... everytime my feet twinged i knew i had more distance to cover and i have chosen the right path... everytime the wind blew dirt in my hair it meant i would wash it all off and be readier tomorrow! I may have looked like a total tart on day one but i picked up on day two and day three i was proud of myself to have understood a lot and found my ground finally!

Roll camera... action! All this was music to my ears... those blindling lights... that flurry to give the clap on time... getting yelled at and yet being given responsibility... it all felt so good! When the lights went off after pack up...i din't want to leave the set! This is what i want to do so how can it end so soon! But thankfully... i have another experience lined up soon.

I frankly had no idea this was so easy... had i known this before, i would have come much earlier.... but Jalal saab said once ' Bindu ki maa...jab jab jo jo hona hai tab tab so so hota hai'.... i can't control time and surely not my fate! But i am glad to be one of the few handpicked lucky ones to get to work with such big names always on my firsts! Such is life...

Har Jagah Khuda Hai!

SV Road, Lokhandwala, 7 bunglows, Santacruz, Khar, Bandra, Mahim, Dadar, Malabar... हर जगह खुदा है। जहाँ नही खुदा वहाँ हम खोद देंगे। पूरे मुंबई में मानो खोद खोद के भगवान ढूंढ रहे हो।

Just last week i had to replace the suspension of my car and we all know it doesnt come cheap. Whatever may be the cost involved it can be paid up, what about the nuisance and stress that it creates? Who would and how to compensate for that? Although my office is 10 mins away from where i live, every morning i have to do a painstaking 25-30 min drive to work thanks to the metro rail, underground cabling, sewer pipelines and road leveling all happening together. I wonder how so many people and departments wake up all together and dig the whole city up at the same time without thinking of the convenience and safety of the commuters.

On the link road, i remember, this one big machine pulley tilted and fell on a rickshaw killing a man in the auto. It was on plump Andheri - Versova link road. Heaviest traffic for all who travel that patch every day. One bump after the other, ducking vehicles, auto rickshaws and then potholes... i feel no less than a Schumacher when i touch down at office. Its like winning a task, completing a challenge or winning a war... the feeling is transcendent!

The roads magically get dug up and take their own sweet time to reach completion like we have zillion years of life each. Who gives them the permit to dig up roads whenever, where ever and however they want to? Honestly the most amount of inconvenience is caused to us and we go through all the trouble, stress and long grueling drives with the 43* sun above our heads on roads, we should be asked before digging up any road! Go by what majority says if there is no other way of getting permits. Or atleast pls check if any locality or road in about 400 mtrs area is dug up already. Slight planning. We wouldn't mind if there is some method to the madness. One by one, systematically... good lord not all together. Today i discover a chor-gali to escape the main road traffic and tomorrow that is dug up too! Gimme a break ya... don't test our patience. As it is auto rickshaws are enough trouble on road to convert us to formula one champs.

इस देश में वाकई हर जगह खुदा है !

Clown!

Blue, green, purple, yellow, red are the shades of his life. Red is what describes him best, Vibrant! Alive! Lively! His lips are red as red can be. His smile can bring a laugh on any glum face. His antics can put you into splits.

He takes the stage, rather is pushed to take it by the trapeze artist that dragged him on. His pants fall off as soon as he comes on stage. Hurriedly he holds on to one side of the pant and looks around at the laughing crowd. He frowns and the crowd sniggers, he smiles and the crowd bursts out into laughter. The fire eater blows fire from his mouth onto his face. He is jostled away into the pond of water with his head on fire. The audience cracks up. He gets up with a quirky smile on his face as if he is up to another mischief. A trapeze sways him off his feet high up in the air and throws him down on the net. He waggles his hands and legs in the air as he falls on the trampoline and bounces back as high in the air. The trapeze kicks him on his left butt and he gets tossed as he gets kicked on the right and falls down on the trampoline face down. His red lips smudge up to the ear. He gets off the trampoline to be chased out of the stage by a dog. The audiences love him. They laugh and clap for him. His job is done for the day. Today he made 1500 odd faces smile.

He has returned to his room, sitting in front of the mirror. He sees children go by behind him, pointing towards him laughing and throwing popcorn at him. He turns around and makes funny faces at them. They laugh and go by. He turns around removes his cap with blue hair to show his bald skull. He wipes off his red lips to reveal a frown. He washes his make up to expose the sad face. As he looks at the mirror he tries to identify with the person he is looking at. Goes closer to the mirror, touches the reflection and retracts. He is repulsed. Tears wash out the make up on his eyes and blackened droplets roll down his white painted cheeks. He stood up startled. Changed into his tattered pale clothes and walked out.

A pier burning with a body on it. He has finally done the last rights for his mother. He returns home to an empty house. His mother was the only joy in his life. When he would return home after making innumerable faces light up, his mom was the one who made him smile. He sleeps with his naked face and bare head exposed to the world that doesn’t recognize him like this. He has a job again. The same trapeze, the same fire eater, the same pool and the same dog. Audiences change but his face beneath the make up remains the same. The crowd sees his histrionics but miss his tears. They clap on his jokes but overlook the pain. They see the smudged red lips but don’t see the bleeding heart.

Today, he is quiet. The clown has lost his laughter. No joke in the world can make him laugh. Life played a joke on him and he couldn’t laugh at it. The jester!

We swing both ways

Yah! The whole country swings both ways. We are shamelessly spineless and blatantly ignorant about it. We as a country are collective morons. I know this will fuel a lot of negativity and bad vibe for me and I am sure a few nasty comments too.

The fact is, I would like to re-emphasize, I love my country too much to see anybody maligning it. Only that I have a curious mind and I question everything that puzzles me. I genuinely feel that we as a country are two faced. We say something when we do something else. Its unfortunate that an entire nation so progressive is that regressive in its thoughts. No progress can ever happen unless we progress in our thoughts and in turn actions.

We are broad minded is a very ‘cool’ thing to say. So many parents say that they are broad minded and yet when their children do something not so acceptable, they are grounded. I have been thinking about this for long. It started in Indore when our office was raided by the Bajrang Dal protesting against us celebrating V-day. Out of the many protestors defaming us and cursing us for celebrating what they feel is ‘anti-India’ culture, I saw atleast three of them by the evening dating their girls by the evening in a swanky café! How pro culture is that? Such a bunch of sanctimonious goons. All of them actually. They believe in convenient truth, convenient facts and convenient religion. It gets twisted whenever they want. Such a shame!

Innumerable incidents that I can think of off the cuff, Sania Mirza wearing short clothes for tennis was issues a fatwah against and what about the Nigar Khan’s and Mumaith Khan’s who don’t wear anything! Hritik and Ash were subject to a silly PIL for their sizzling kiss on screen when I am sure the person must have enjoyed watching it, rewinding and playing it a zillion times, more than anybody! Many more really…

I very strongly support sex education at school level. Look at our ‘leaders’ who want to build an ideal country, so subconscious creating a monster beneath, the monster of lack of education about the most basic instinct in our race. I don’t understand if you send them to pre-pre-school at a tender age of 2+ where they anyway pick up habits and culture that you don’t want them to, so why hold back education that is so important. Are we fools to blind ourselves to the fact that this generation is far far ahead of us in terms of access to information of any kind. Information that can be misleading or may be even irrelevant. Who has given us the right to hold back information anyway? What do these politicians and so called moral polices have to say about teenage pregnancies, child rapes and sexual molestation in schools? The biggest health threat world over is AIDS and everybody is struggling to curb it at whatever level possible. Drugs being invented, crores being spent on the medicine, massive education and awareness campaigns run across and we are doing nothing to help it. How good would you feel when your children get all the wrong information from somewhere else? How would you feel if they are contracted with AIDS, god forbid! Who are you going to blame? SEX, was given to the world by us. We are boastful of the fact that we have temples devoted to sex and it still attracts tourists by the thousands. Why do we hide in shame what is so part of our culture?

Bangalore – women beaten up by the Sree Ram Sena, a self proclaimed culture police, for going to a pub! They call themselves Ram Sena. When in the name of god did Ram teach anybody to beat women up? Well, actually less should I speak about the Indian god culture also. Our ancient temples and drawings always depicted women’s nude upper half and we talk of clothes that are anti-culture! Such an oxymorn! We worship Lord Shiva, in the form of a shiv-ling. What exactly is a shivling? It’s a male genital progressing out of a female base. A shivling is always found with a yoni. The symbol can be deciphered in many ways. The most common being, Lord Shiva is considered to be the destroyer of life form thus giving way to creation of new. The symbol hence stands for creation of life. It’s the androgynous communion of energies and universe. The epics and Puranas tell how a great fire appeared from the cosmic waters, and from this flame Linga Shiva emerged to claim supremacy and worship over Brahma and Vishnu, when he was castrated because he seduced sages’ wives in the pine forests of Himalayas. He castrated himself because no one could castrate the Supreme Lord. Thus fallen phallus of the Supreme Lord destroyed all the worlds until it reached the Yoni of Uma/Parvati and cooled down. All procreation of worlds started after the worship of Yoni-Linga was restored and all Gods, including Vishnu and Brahma accepted supremacy of Lord Shiva. This may be perverted for some, but yes we actually worship a LINGA, since childhood… little did we know then! Yet we are averse to educating ourselves about Sex.

Another very interesting story I learnt a few days ago. My friend who is extremely fond of food and has a fair amount of knowledge about it shared this with me. The Goddess of food is offered rice and ghee. Lord Shiva had invited her to earth to beg for Rice (bheeksha) which he then distributed throughout the world. The rice was not cleansed unless it was mixed with ghee. Apparently ghee is a representation of Lord Shiva’s sperm. So only when ghee is mizxed with the rice is it pure enough to be given away to the world. Ghee was what he had mixed in the many ingredients that gave birth to Lord Ganesha.

So, are you hiding in shame already? Our race is the proud creator of the world’s most respected literature ‘Kamasutra’. We have the richest culture in the whole of the universe yet we cannot hold our stand? We are ready to kill in the name of religion but are united in useless things, a religion that was never a religion. Hinduism, is a way of life not a religion. We are such a pretentious crowd. We make believe in a delusion and ignore the facts. We make our own rules that change according to our convenience. Our religion is merely a cover up for a lot of our angst inside that we take out in such a disgraceful manner. We hide behind what we should ideally defend. I wish this country was not so cowardly and regressive about its thinking. I wish for a brighter country with really broadminded leaders in every sense.

I have very few good options to choose from the current contestants, so my vote, I am not sure would go for the deserving candidate. Yet I hope that one day, one among us will stand up to clean the dirt in our minds. As for now, I can write, so I have.

PS: I am not an atheist, neither am I anti-religion and certainly not here to hurt any feelings. I am a staunch Hindu and I have worshipped all the aforesaid deities with no less respect and faith. My issue is with the people who twist the facts and run away from it. I have a problem with people who have double standards. Rest can rest in peace.

Do I Believe You???

One bitten twice shy. She swears by it. She has just gotten out of a tumultuous relationship and she is relieved and how! Some 4 odd men she dated in the past have all been losers. Not that she has a thing for such men but I guess subconsciously she likes to parent rotten men. She thought this last guy would be the 'forever one in her life. They had made promises to each other, they had dreamed of a family together, they had planned the future together and today he is walking his way and so is she.

Each one had assured her a secure future and each one of them failed. They were all flunkies right from the beginning. They could never rise up to their own expectations let alone meeting hers. They were all kids in their teens not wanting to grow up. That’s a bit of a problem coz she was growing up everyday and the age gap grew on to become a generation gap! That’s not a happy thought to grow up with. In addition to that, they were the most thankless beings on the face of earth.

She always wanted to believe that they all meant what they said. She always wanted to believe that there are happy endings to every relationship. May be breaking up was a happy ending. Nonetheless, she wanted to believe there were genuinely ‘together forever’ like happy endings like she read in fairy tales or MB’s. Sadly they are all only stories. Had there been anything like an ideal man or the right guy, the world we live would be called Utopia. But the fact is we live in dystopia and we fight beliefs, notions and dreams everyday. We see them shatter ever day and yet dream of an idealistic world, where promises are only sentences and ‘I love you’ is a mere statement.

The girl really wanted someone true to his heart and true to his words. You don’t need a He-man to be the man of your dreams, he could be really anybody regular… but lives by his word. Adultery is so easy for men, so it is for women if they want, but you know when a woman is going wrong. Men are born with a poker face. So when he’s say ‘I love you’ like a zillion times in the day, you’d not know if he really means it or is saying to hide his side business. So how do you believe them? She encountered this several times with a guy who was born with the philandering nerve on his sleeve. He would get talking to every girl almost. She was disturbed. She knew deep inside that he loved her and he said that too, but his ways never gave her that confidence in the relationship. The result – they split.

We often say something to please others when we don’t really mean it. Shallow is the word for such people. It’s not a good trait to have becoz you only end up disappointing a lot of people around you. She was disappointed too. He told her he will take care of her issues from past. That’s like ‘the’ thing any chik would ask for from a man… security. She was so reassured and comforted with this guy who later turned out to be such a chicken that he couldn’t even take care of his own crisis. She became a distant picture then. The fissure was obvious between the two and it drove her away from him eventually. They gave each other cold vibes for many days until they realized that too was a waste and would solve no purpose so they completely cut contact. So how does she believe any man when he says ‘I will take care of your worries?’

She has now chanced upon this charming guy, who is unlike all other. Doesn’t express what he feels, doesn’t make fake promises (doesn’t make any at all), doesn’t lie coz what he says hurts which means he speaks the truth and is brutally honest to the point of being brusque. Nice. She is willing to give it another chance and she is giving it a thought as well. He said ‘I am your man, leave all your worries at the doorstep with me’. What does that mean???? She’s thinking now… it’s another rat trap…do I really believe you?

SMS's sometimes....

Some text fwd's on my fone really tick me off... i hate them... some find a place in my saved list. This is one of the nice messages i got that always stays in my inbox

Life means : A winter evening, four friends, mild rain, four pegs of rum. Life means: 100 bucks for petrol, two rusty old bikes, an open road. Life means: Maggi noodles, a hostel room, 3.25am, sonu nigam and asha bhonsle on the radio. Life means: 1 prep leave, 1 night, 1 book, 8 duffers. Life means: 1 girl/ boy, 1 number, 4 friends and a fight.

Now life means: old friends, separate cities, separate lives and endless messages to stay in touch.

I somehow agree... another in this series

Ek din zindagi aise mukaam par pahuch jayegi
dosti sirf yaadon mein reh jayegi
har cup chai yaad doston ki dilayegi
aur haste haste fir aankhein nam ho jayegi

Office ke cabin mein classroom nazar aayegi
par chahne par bhi proxy nahi lag payegi
paise to bahut hoga magar
unhe lutane ki wajah hi kho jayegi

jee le khulke is pal ko mere dost
kyunki zindagi in palon ko
fir se nahi dohrayegi!

:)

You Freak!

You can't be quiet for so long... no no... there is some problem... may be the network is down... or may be something's wrong ... she picks it 5 times in 10 secs to check and re-check and then her face goes pale. Shuts it off and reboots... waits patiently... beats her fingers on the table in anticipation and the phone vibrates for an incoming message. I can see her glow with joy.

She quickly picks her fone up and leaves the meeting. In 10 mins she is back. Keeps the phone on her lap and keeps fiddling with it. Shes a freak!

But so are most of us. We may forget to carry our wallets but will never forget to carry the mobile phone. When we loose one, the whole house comes crashing down. Work stops and everything important ceases to exist. Where ever you go you'd only see people pressing buttons and necks bent. Such is the addiction.

The world is addicted to it. Everywhere, at the bus stop, in the train... in the auto... while driving the car at the signals... in a party... in the loo and in your bedroom while you are at it, absolutely anywhere! Cell phones have invaded our lives and how yet not to forgo the fact that it has invaded our privacy ...!!! At the cost of sounding cliched and preachy 'how can we be addicted to a piece of shit like that?'

I read that an estimated 40% adults the world over use their cell phones for more than 4 hours be it talking, msging or just playing with their phones. Some actually get deeply upset and offended if they do not get a msg or call for a long time. Its a psychological disorder dude! Its addiction of a dangerous kind. I hate talking on phone. I attribute this to the late arrival of any kind of phone in our house. I had my first telephone connection at home when i was in class 12th. I had to go to the PCO to make any kinda call before that. So i am happiest when the phone is not around. Actually life is so peaceful without the phone. Atleast i feel so.

I feel my privacy is invaded the moment my phone rings because the person calling doesnt even have the faintest idea what i may be doing... he would ring up because he felt so! I may be in a meeting.. driving... in the loo.. sleeping anything! What was life without mobile phones earlier? Was the care and concern towards near and dear ones any lesser? Was any work so unimportant then that the person neednt be contacted? I agree to all the shallow shit that its a gadget of convenience and all that crap... but no gadget is convenient if i cannot control the input and output of it. It will never be convenient to me. I am obligated to keep this gadget and now since i have it, i have to keep it switched ON all the time. Work demands fones to be on silent and that's the best time of my day when i cannot hear and fone ringing. In some time you get use to your fones not being around.

I am pissed with this freak invention of some buffoon whose miserable prank of ruining private lives turned into the biggest invention of the century. This invention meant for another sort of communication creeped into ou lives to worsen it only. I choose not to surrender to this device... i choose not to be a slave of this technology. I rather sleep in peace and not wake up in the middle of night with some arbitrary msg tone and stupid creep calling me in the middle of the night. I choose not to be a mobile freak!

I will soon shut my mobile off! Forever! Lemme see how it affects my life or may be not! I rest my case!

The work's of a restless mind

and they lived happily ever after...

Ya that's a Cinderella ending anybody would wish for. All's well that ends well... but what if it doesnt end? Its vicious sometime... don't you feel like the hamster in the treadmill who keeps running endlessly without realising his run will never end, unless he decides to jump out. And sometimes thats the solution. Sometimes when the world is round you have to find another shape to fit yourself in.

This cycle of thots is endless. I cannot divert my mind elsewhere today and this has been like it for many days now. Just constant thots about everything and anything its almost garbage. This can't be called 'thinking' because that is voluntary but with me its an automated process. The moment i wake up my mind picks up at 440kmph in a second and it only stops when i sleep. I dont remember my dreams thats because my mind or the sub-conscious has no one thot to weave a dream about!

Like i said i rarely get headaches and thats only when i am supremely stressed, i can't sit down to begin de-stressing myself bcoz my mind begins to wander. In a psychologists term i am going mad.

Not everything has a happy ending... somethings just end.. without a thot or emotion. Thats when too many emotions go into it and suddenly it becomes too overbearing. The hurt, the pain, the tears, the joy, the smile and simple things attached are no longer special. I actually believe (still) that everything has a happy ending... if its not happy its not the end... but may be somethings dont end either. They just dissolve. Meaninglessly... somethings never end....

Nevertheless, these fleeting thots i know can be put to rest only when i want to, i want to put an end to it but i can't catch hold of a single thot, the thots just keep going on and dont stop... but i know only i can stop my thots but....

Missing! - The 'M' factor in my life

A, B, C, D, .... L, N, O, P....

-issing!!! There's no M in -y life. The -ost i-portant one's that too! You don't feel the loss till you see others around you flaunting it.

MONEY, MEN, MOTHER and now my MIND. Why they went missing? I never questioned. One by one i felt the void the space it left behind as it went. One after the other. Hollow and nullified.

All are necessary. To me all are equally important.

Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death.

Anais Nin

CHARU- ALAG ISILIYE AKELI

Charu… is at a very special stage in her life. It’s special because very few remain what she is today at her age. They either change or get married or stray or whatever silly they may choose to do with their lives. Yet she feels lonely in the madness around her. We are trying to find the reasons why.

She is old enough to get married… missing out on something really crucial in her life and waiting for it to happen. Those who could understand her have all drifted and found their own paths. Those left were never worthy of understanding. Those who came were new and strange. Strange is the word. They belong to the i-phone and wi-fi generation. Emotions for them are limited to emoticons on IM’s and more so they are limited to ‘’; ‘’; ‘ :S’; ‘:p’ and ‘:x’. Nothing deeper than that. The only words they know are the ones that can be texted. Can’t blame them.

She cannot find a common ground sadly. She is too old for the young generation and slightly young for the old generation. She doesn’t like the old guys and the young guys don’t know what to talk to her. She is different to add to the misery. Different becoz she is emotional, she needs love and she wants to be pampered. There aint nothing wrong in it. But who’s got time?

There is a dearth of like minded people in her life. Someone who can understand her, someone whom she can talk to endlessly at wee hours of the day, someone who can put a smile on her face everytime it droops. But few care. Being emotional can be quiet a burden on some people. Everybody has their plates full and they care less about anybody else’s grief. She is living with humans she thought were her friends. But sadly even when she has humans at home she finds them strange. She is left alone because she cannot talk about boys all the time, she cannot talk fashion all the time, she cannot talk booze and knock out stories all the time… so she is left out. But who cares?!

She is left to find her own neutral ground, its almost like the old age home where when people reach a certain age they go to find ‘like minded people’! It may be anywhere but it becomes important to meet humans who can talk your language or atleast understand it. So when she finds any one person like that, she clings to them, holds onto them. Her fault?

Humans are gregarious, they find their own flock. So what if one in the flock is different? Doesn’t make it any stranger. Charu needs a friend. Charu is not wrong if she is different.

LIKE A PUPPY IN LOVE

When I came home, my dog from any corner of the house was the first to greet me at the door. Wag her tail in a speed that she would take off and begin to fly… jump like she could catch the stars, bark like she could tell me how much she loved me. I was so enticed by such overflow of emotions so what if she is a dog. All she wanted was those 30 secs of petting (love in dog language) and all she gave was a lifetime of unconditional love… till she was alive. I miss her. Infact I miss the unconditional love part really. That was the purest form of love I have ever experienced. It was overwhelming.

Its so hard to find love that doesn’t come with a ‘conditions apply’ tag. I hate to mention the obvious but can’t help. I feel sometimes that your parents also love you in some selfish interest. The ‘self’ here is a little passive though but it does exist. I refuse to believe there is any phenomenon like ‘true selfless love’.

Everybody is a sucker for love. Everybody deep down wants a partner who can love like no one else, who places you before self and loves you like there is no other emotion. That’s called puppy love. And the human heart is so amazingly programmed to detect such love and then fall head over heels for it. It’s a strong emotion, the strongest really. One iota of it transforms your entity and then, imagine getting the love that you always wanted!

The heart is really a sucker for love… it moves from one relation to the other, person to person in search of pure magnetic emotions. And the moment you find it, you cannot let go of it. and why am I writing all this out of the blue? …. Just!

SURREAL ILLUSION

My stint with TV got over in Feb and I was freelancing ever since. I wanted a stable job but thanks to recession TV wasn’t hiring then. I was writing my animations… my films and took up a new book to read without complaining about the situation and cashing on to the “me time”. This one day my roomie suggested I give out my CV into films since that’s what I want to do eventually so why waste time hither-tether. Made sense… and the next day I had a mail from a group on facebook posting requirements for assistant directors and I applied and forgot about it.

So this lame Monday afternoon I get a call. I was speechless for sometime coz I never expected the call to land up in the first place since I have no film experience whatsoever. I thot who cares! No harm meeting n so I went. Versova- Nadiadwala house… 30 mins and I met Sajid who is directing the film and I was in! He insists I got the film becoz of my surname that I share with the legendary film maker and father of Indian cinema Dadasaheb Phalke, but really that’s the only thing we share… no relation! We chatted for almost an hour and shared our common passion for cinema and I thought ‘wow! No better person to learn from than Sajid, the encyclopedia of films’. I was exhilarated and was really dumbfounded. I wasn’t able to converse with him even a single line properly. I kept telling him I never thot it would be so easy and he kept smiling.

I returned home making calls to possibly everybody close to me and announcing to them. This was the biggest move of my life. So close to my dream that I can’t believe am actually there. I truly believe that when you really badly want something the cosmos conspires to make it happen for you. This is not out of the book but a true life experience. Everytime I wanted something I got it…. my dad thought I was pig headed and stubborn but eventually realized that I dint have to go to the extent of being obstinate at all to get what I want. I just had to wish it. All that was happening in the span of 3 days was surreal and seemed like an illusion. Even the illusion seems like weird. The shoot will be abroad, 3 months in 3 countries… so there my dream of visiting London is fulfilled with a bonus of 2 other countries that I don’t know of yet.

When life gives you wounds it heals them too. Just a matter of time I feel. I have seen many ups and downs in the past 12 months in my career, personal life and my relationship. Every time it seemed like the world would end this time but every time I was given a chance or a reason to get up and walk. Every time I fell down I had a hand that would help me get up and that means a lot to me. Strange are the ways of life. Two big dents in the past 3 months and both have been filled. I am still recuperating but I am not sad thinking about it. Whatever happens, happens for good and both the grave incidents have only made me stronger and taught me how to fight back. No trash talk, no mush, no emotional crap but simply live the life that has been gifted to me. My otherwise dreary and melancholic life suddenly had a spring of energy in it and I am smiling again. It’s been long I must say that I have felt so happy… from within. Few things that make me truly happy from within – travel, my people and the smile that I can bring on my close one’s face. All three happened together in the past 10 days.

I know my life will not be the same again but all I know is whatever it will be from here on, it’s only going to be awesome! I am learning to live with whatever life is giving to me – some things that I expect, some things less than that… some little surprises and some little shocks. But that’s life ryt!

I am rejuvenated and a new person now… ready to tread through the walk of life. Sometimes surreal illusions are too beautiful to let go of! I am living in one….

back and how!

So much to write… am writing after such a long time that I don’t know where to start. Life has been slightly tight and at times it becomes so busy that you do not have time for yourself. For me its been more of wasted occupancy than any useful utilization of it.

The past two months I have met people of kinds that I had only heard of. I had a brush with what is commonly known as “the TV crowd”. No am not awestruck, but I am just amazed at how phony and distraught these lives are. Every moment is a put on far from what you really are. But one has to drop all the pretence and face reality at some point everyday that is when you face the mirror!

What I realized was each one these faces had a face that they would never act out and bring out to public. Its their own actual face. Very few really have the courage to be themselves and those are the one’s who win your hearts. I met a few who were true to themselves and took no time to befriend them. Its hard to differentiate though who’s acting and who’s not but most often you can figure out who’s for real. Anyway, I made friends with a few. But the biggest learning was the people around me. With the industry going through it worst phase and so are the people, I have learnt not to trust anyone but your own self. Owing to the bad times, everybody is insecure and understandably so. But securing your job at the cost of others is a little unreal. I came across people who would stomp over you to get noticed, there are plenty who would bitch gossip and tweak reality in order to be in good books of some. But the worst are people who hold back information; resist to open their mouths when they know what they know can save somebody’s ass from fire. I am much more aware now and slightly more confident of facing this new world.

However, I made a few really good friends… met few really good people who were a revelation of sorts. This journey on the show and TV per se has been very exciting and enlightening for sure. I know where I stand and I know where I have to head from here. I am in new waters and I am still testing them. Its only unfortunate that my tests are happening at a very wrong time when the opportunities are fewer and the temperaments are fiery. Nonetheless, I am glad I made the move. Lot I may have lost, but what I gained being here is much more in terms of bonds and knowledge.

Post that I was at home… my sister got engaged to her friend who she was seeing for 7yrs. My ex-boss said once ‘ 7yr itch… have you heard of it? People usually fall out after 7 yrs’ and here I am… exactly after 7 yrs…. Looking at my sister and smiling away to glory! It all went well. Then I was doomed in this endless depression of how, why, when and oh hell! Like I had once said, I am afraid of lack of clarity. When I can’t see things I get scared most and I am in that situation again. It comes very often ...this situation! But its easier to deal with sometimes… this time is different.

Anyhow I am glad I am back… would be slightly more active here now on depending on mood and my new silly broadband connection which is slower than the gsm on my cell. And yes thanks to a friend of mine who wrote in to me and reminded me how long it was since I had written!

Dev D to Preeti P

Am back.. after a really long time. Honestly i missed writing in all these days that i wasnt here. Not that my blog is like amitabh's, if i do not write everyday i may disappoint many! but yes its and addiction... i cant keep away for long.

What kept me away for long was my shoot. My first TV project that was a tiring yet learning experience for me and something that happily kept me away from writing. The shoots over... made a lot o friends... had a lot of fun... and now am back here.

In the past 60 days i have encountered different people with radically different mentalities. Some i am pleasantly surprised about and some i am not. But what has struck me the most is the intricacy with which minds work here. At times i would stand awestruck at how a few would run over you without you knowing it! Each one is for themselves and everybody wants to be politically correct. A little unwelcoming welcome to the world of tv but no regrets!

So the first instance i got i saw Dev D... without any telephone calls interrupting me to ask for dates... where the scripts were... why wasnt xyz not responding... and i had a blast. I loved the movie.. so much so that i saw it twice..on consecutive nights. Its a dark movie no doubt.. very trippy! Wonder what made people invest in a movie so whimsical.. but you do need to open your eyes to a different perspective yeah!

Dev D- nothing is similar to the old counterparts in must say apart from the name of the characters. The whole movie is a metaphor. A metaphor that describes the world right now, the people right now... The movie is near maddening... it depresses you.. it leaves you with a bitter taste in your throat about half the things Dev does...

The movie juxtaposes the film makers thoughts as opposed to what the writer had originally conceived it to be. Anurag's Dev D is the same self obsessed man who 'thinks' he loves his childhood friend a lot but was a coward to have not stood by his love. He takes to drugs alcohol and in his own self pity ends up hurting people around him. He makes his pain look bigger than it actually is.

Paro has moved on... and well there is nothing wrong in it... her life is not indebted to him so why should she die for him or the lack of his love? She was smart enough to have moved on made a family. She knows her life and love would have been fulfilled had she been with Dev D... but she doesnt regret not having it either. She is a strong woman.

Chanda here is the weakness. She keeps pulling Dev back and makes him weak. She has been through a lot herself. But she doesnt let Dev overcome his love for Paro. Chanda's love is unconditional... she doesnt bother if Dev still loves Paro... she has only given in love... Dev is blind! There is a dialogue in the movie that so simply sums Dev's character, where chanda says "tum apne alawa kisi aur se pyar kar hi nahi sakte.... tumhe to is aaine se shadi kar leni chahiye" i loved the line.

In one of my previous posts i had written, its beautiful how each and every moviegoer interprets the movie in his own way. Dev D is a mad example of it. We have all seen the Devdas's of old times... the Saigal, Kumar and Khan version of it... this one blew my mind.

Well for me... i am pushed an inch closer to realizing my dream... unlike Dev who remorsed the loss in his life and absorbed himself into an endless depression...i don't identify with any character from this film... i had my own interpretation...

Till my next lesson in life... :))

Kal Ki Picture

Kal maine picture dekhi
Kya hero tha kya fight thi
Heroine ekdum mast thi
as usual uski choli tight thi

kuch bhi story likh dalo
do char gaane bana dalo
aur thoda oomph mila do
lo ho gayi picture tayyar!!!!

Main bhi picture likh sakta hoon
Bada director ban sakta hoon
Uss hero se achha action kar sakta hoon
Bas ek chance ka hi to wait hai

Mere group mein rockstar hoon
Kabhi chance na mila to kya
Mere talent pe koi to nazar ghumayega
Notice ho jaun bas fir to superstar hoon

Har picture ke baad main hero hoon
Actually sabhi aisa sochte hain
Agar luck na khule to
Apni destiny ko koste hain

Dude, hum to screen ke
iss taraf hi thik hai
mil jaye to mil jaye
maange to bheek hai!!!!

Har Indian sochta hai
Ke wohh uss hero se better hain
Kapde to tip top kar logey apne
Muh kholte hi gutter hain

Mera toh style hi alag hai
Har baat mein ada hai
Sorry, kal ki picture ka mujhpe
Asar thoda jyada hai!

Sulk... finally!

so there is a thorn in my heart... its been there for many years now and i have got so use to it that it exists only when it hurts.

I hate to be sad, negative and upset over things in life. The life that we live is far superior than that of most 'things' around us so we really have no reason to complain. So what if we do not have enough and more money, so what if we are unhappy about the way our live functions, so what if people around u are not the ones you'd choose to live with... so what! We are privilaged and i mean it, to be living a life where we get to experience such vividity and diversity in the worst complexities.

I often imagine... when the dog in our house gets ignored does he complain? When the fish in the pond are not spoken to, do they feel bad? When the bird in the cage doesn't get to celebrate new year, does it mind? or the cat when not loved enough does it feel less important or cared for? We are so far far superior to many living on the planet sharing our space and it is such a waste of a life to be complaining.

The aura gets disturbed, suddenly you get depressed and everything becomes gloomy for no apparent reason really! i would be such a daft to be just let go of the life that i coming to me without any efforts. Anyway i would really not want to sulk anymore... coz thats not me!

for all those who do... i pity them... such a waste of oxygen they are!

I came home at Eight...

Today, I returned home at eight
for me, very early...coz i'm usually late.
No no i don't intend to do poetry here
its just that the thot rhymed

Since then, i have been revisiting
My first day at school, when every child was crying, trying to find a face that it can recognise while i sat looking at them...totally amazed.

the day i visited my ancestral village and saw my great grandmother milking cows for the first time. I felt so at home to see vivacious sunflower fields smiling back at me and earthy groundnut plants wishing me good morning! The first time when i actually saw how the night sky looks like.

the day when i first rode my sister on my bicycle. I couldnt believe i will share my whole life with the adorable looking fat doll. When she did sit on my cycle, i tripped n fell off.

the day when i first saw snow caped mountains. i actually saw what majesty means. The warmth i felt in the cold winds and the hot piping maggie that went cold in 5 mins flat. I can still feel the warmth of the hot cup of tea i held in my frozen hands while my body gradually warmed up.

the day when i first went to that shady school in pune and felt so out of place that i wanted to run away. But stayed on without complaining coz my dad stood in the line for half a day to get us admissions in some school to begin with. Everyday in that school was a task...to face those low IQ and low EQ people...

the day when i first danced on a public stage and din't look up at the audience at all and went red in my cheeks when i was applauded and appreciated.

the first day of my singing class when i sang 'saraswati vandana' coz thats the only classical song i knew and my teacher very politely said 'next time when you are asked to sing, i am sure you will have better songs to sing' and from that day on to the state level exam where i don't know how i fared well.

the first day i met my best frend on my bday party she camed dressed in a white frock but i dont remember what i was wearing. We hardly spoke but built a friendship that remains beyond words.

The first time when i came home from school thinking my skirt was too long for anybody to notice me ever. I actually wore a 3inches below knee lenght skirt which eventually came that much above the knees.

the first day when i went to college and whined about how other colleges were better than mine and why daddy won't let me study in DR or Miranda!

the first time i gave any interview, i never thot i would actually look like an ass... Lowe lintas... the woman came drunk to office and i got a culture shock. But later i learnt i was pretty good!

my first day at mirchi where everything was unbelievably fairytale like. A dream job... the best office... fantastic people... i couldnt have asked for more!

my first trip abroad i couldnt stop sniggering in my mind.... i had so much to capture in my memories that i forgot to click pictures.

the first time i lived alone... i felt liberated! I missed my family terribly but the thot of living alone for the longest time excited me. This part of my life taught me a lot.

the first time i wrote something and was acknowledged for it, i felt important. The first time what i had written, got aired, i was elated!

The first time that i went on an impromptu trip and had so much fun that words cannot describe.

the first time i drove my car i was jittery and so heavenly scared that i was sweating profusely. Then on i have scaled miles in my zippy alto... alone and with friends!

the first time i went to a disc, i felt terribly out of place and shabby. Although we were the 'hippest' so to say, crowd in the city, i felt i wasnt meant to be here. The music pierced my ears, the people amazed me, the ambience blinded me. I went with an office bag and a mobile fone. Today its been replaced with a fancy clutch bag and a glass of alchohol.

The first time i felt love... i was so overwhelmed that tears rolled down my eyes. I never thot i would ever feel this emotion after all the lessons in life.

Oh....so much... I am revisiting all of this not becoz they are such awesome memories in my life. I keep praying to God for some good to happen and how i conviniently i forget that he has discreetly given me uncountable such good things. I am revisiting these memories to reassure to myself that i am not really as unfortunate as i think i am. i have good times to live by and some awesome people to live with.

I shouldn't be complaining.

Fidgety days

Am back in Mumbai after the 29th. 5 day lull in my life. I was attending couple of weddings and frankly i enjoyed none! My mind and soul wouldn't let me sit in peace. My heart was in Mumbai, hurt and broken into a thousand pieces.

I was in Indore also for another friend's wedding. Met up with old friends as well thinking i would not think of the tragedy. One friend after 6 years, i was so looking forward to see her... initial joy... sharing our lives and filling each other up wiw the info of the space of 6yrs. I was enjoying every moment. Atleast i'd like to tell myself that... my mind was traversing that space... repeated pictures of the devastation going through my mind one after the other like snapshots of a distant memory, making me nervous, angry, sad, cry. The usual kinetic emotions weren't flowing so easily. I was restrained and i felt terribly guilty later for being so corked up.

I was at a hotel with another set of friends, she and i were already discussing our pain and how the incident hasn't really gotten out of minds and then he joined us too. So now that we were three of us, our thoughts became words and the words grew louder. In many days after the incident i expressed what i was feeling about the entire attack. The only constant emotion i all three of us was immense pain, sorrow for what was happening all around us. He and i were in Mumbai when all this happened...she just saw it all on TV... yet she carried the same agony...the same grouse.

I knew today... my restlessness wasn't unjustified.. or it just wasn't me who was restless... it was her.. him... and many many more like us who stood muted watching it all on TV and wondering what we could do to contribute. My restlessness was due to my inability or the obscurity of my worthiness. I still don't know what i can do to contribute to better the situation and i don't want to feel useless and fidgety.

No i don't intend to join the army all of a sudden nor do i want to be a politician... i am happy being a civilian but what will now make us all different is being 'a responsbile civilian'.

I was called two hours early for a security check at the Mumbai Airport when i was departing on the 29th and so i reached. But to my dismay i wasn't checked the way i was expecting... i stopped by and told one of the gaurds actually that it looked like they were looking for toffees in my bag and not bombs, by the way they frisked it! On the contrary security checks at Indore were surprisingly tight. I was frisked thoroughly, then when the detector picked metal on my belt i was made to show the belt that i was wearing. The lady who frisked me slid her fingers under the belt to doubly ensure am not hiding anything beneath, ran the detector again all over me and only then let me go ahead. My hand bag was opened thrice from the gate till i boarded which is also not a regular sight. I had to compliment them for being so alert for an airport that doesnt even ace threats from wild boars.

In my capacity, thats the least i can do... be tolerant and not complaint about the endless lines for extra safety! Each one of us can let the forces do their jobs and help them actually by cooperating. I am perturbed even today but i know i will find a way to contribute. Atleast i know now what was making me restless. Me and my friends have decided, anything that takes to build a better future, we shall do! None of us want to see a world where every step we take falls over a life sacrificed, every breathe we take smells of grenades and gunshots, every sight blurred by the dust of shelling, every bed itching of riffles under pillows and refills under mattresses. Lets do something... enough is written and said defaming every debacle of the system. Its really time that we ACT and NOW!!!

49-O

Got this on my email last night... am sure many of you have already...

49-O in Constitution of India

Did you know that there is a system in our constitution, as per the 1969
act, in section " 49-O" that a person can go to the polling booth, confirm
his identity, get his finger marked and convey the presiding election
officer that he doesn't want to vote anyone!

Yes this feature is available, but obviously our leaders have never
disclosed it....
This is called "49-O".

Why should you go and say " I VOTE NOBODY"... because, in a ward, if a
candidate wins, say by 123 votes, and that particular ward has received
"49-O" votes more than 123, then that polling will be cancelled and will
have to be re-polled. Not only that, but the candidature of the contestants
will be removed and they cannot contest the re-polling, since people had
already expressed their decision on them.

This would bring fear into parties and hence look for genuine candidates
for their parties for election. This would change the way; of our whole
political system....... it is seemingly surprising why the election
commission has not revealed such a feature to the public....

Seems to be a wonderful weapon against corrupt parties in India ... show
your power, expressing your desire not to vote for anybody, is even more
powerful than voting.... so don't miss your chance. So either vote, or vote
not to vote (vote 49-O)

Use your voting right for a better INDIA....

Section 23 - The Breach of Trust

'Don’t worry about those who came through the boats.... Our forces can defeat them. Worry about those who come through votes... those are the REAL enemies.'

My ex-boss sent this message. It has only reinforced the fact in my mind that we are a 'Hollow Nation' and our leaders are incapable of even handling the fights in their own minds let alone the country.

We are enraged, furious and demanding answers to our questions that have been suppressed inside for many years. The under current is strong and this charged mob can do anything now to 'get' answers to their questions anyhow.

We elect you, we entrust you with our safety our security and our lives only to realise in the end that our trust in you was played with. Elections after elections, promises after promises we have only heard bulls&%t and sadly, we have taken it as well. But mind it, we had no other option but to believe what was promised to us. Callous, is a measly word to define the 'leaders' today. The shameless parties can find publicity agenda in the blasts is commendable. Ads appear the very next day in newspaper using the blasts and maligning opposing parties on ‘how they couldn’t avert the danger and how unsafe they made the country’. Haven’t we seen all of them take the same oaths and yet not live up to the promises?

I am scared to venture out even in broad day light today in my own country, thanks to all of you who promised to give me a safer city and couldn’t. When I look at all the newscasts on the blasts nearly 7 days after the first firing, I feel we have had immense grit and resilience to have not shown our anger the way it is pent up inside us. The day the 1,129,866,154 people in India decide to rip you mere 100 politicians off your ‘authority’ you will have no place to hide.
How many more blasts and terrorist attacks do you need to prove to yourself that you are nincompoop good for nothings. The official retirement age is 60, which means once is incapable mentally and physically, of taking decisions and running office. But our system only allows people of that age to run the country. I question everybody here…why??? Aren’t young minds fit to handle the country? How dare you make remarks like ‘powder lipstick laga ke kaisa aandolan’ and ‘kutta bhi nahi poochta?’… I am so glad that the ‘prize money’ sent by X leader was returned on their face! We are not going to gulp every accident down our throats anymore, thinking it was a one off. We, the country are united today…against the politicians.
I do not want to vote for anybody this year till I am assured that a leader fit enough to lead the country will be elected. I will not vote till I am assured that my country is in safe hands. I am angry and antagonized because my trust is shaken today. You may take Rs. 600 million to resurrect The Taj Mahal Hotel, fill in men you have lost to re-build you forces… But tell me how are you going to bring back the faith we have lost in you?

This country needs answers…. NOW! I boycott elections till then... if my one vote matters at all!

Desi Girl!

Yah, that's the most popular track from Dostana, topping charts and on every body's lips these days. Desi - is by definition anything that 'belongs to the homeland'. The one term that is global Indian but in our country itself used in a very derogatory manner.

Desi to us is downmarket, of lesser species, 'ghaati' or LS! Strange... coz its meant to be very chic!

This new ad on TV, that of a brand of chips with Indian flavors, says a lot about the word 'Desi'. We, perhaps, are the only region in the world where every brand of edibles has customized their food to suit the 'Desi' taste buds. Coke and Pepsi's launched their colas with sweeter flavors. McDonald's nowhere in the world has a 'veg-aloo tikki' burger but they made one for India. Pepsi came out with Kurkure the Desi gaathiya to compliment the western alcoholic drinks, Indian curries making waves in the UK and US and even the Desi Chinese cuisine hitting big in the US!

It truly means being Indian at heart and i feel everybody is a desi at heart at some or the other level however hip and posh they may be otherwise. We may go to the hippest pub or disco ... show on the exterior how much we love hip hop reggaeton and all that jazz.... bang our heads into each other pretending to understand Rock, but our souls pep only when the DJ plays hindi bollywood songs! No amount of pizzas and sizzlers can ever satiate our appetites like dal chawal. We would still not understand most words in the english flick unless we switch the subtitles on and our day wouldnt end without using a swear word in chaste hindi!

It feels so comfortable to be desi where you don't have to wear the veil of pretence of being something that we as a race are not! I feel strange and pity for people who sham 'big boss' is LS and watch sex and the city instead. Sad about the people who feel playing hindi songs in ur car and not owning an english cd is LS. Women who wear suits and indian outfits are LS, speaking in Hindi with you friends is LS??? Were you born on planet USA???? What's wrong with being desi? How can anything so fabulously grounded and rustic be LS or downmarket... and above all, who decides that?

I am proud to be desi at heart. I speak hindi even when 100 other people around me speak in english, i am not embarassed about it. I watch hindi movies and i do not understand english movies. Keep your outlook global but your heart, desi. No matter how modern our men become they will still want an Indian bride who can look after their home. Guys will love girls who wear the choicest of western clothes but his heart will skip a beat only when she wears an Indian attire. After all, anything desi is straight from the heart and has to be good!

Desi is the word and the spirit to be! Ain't nothing like our desipan...

Pecksniffian air

I was thrilled i had a friend finally in this city where i feel totally ignored. 7 months it took me to get friendly with someone. I was sharing everything i was feeling with her and then i get to know she wasn't as genuine as i thot she would be! She was telling everythng to the other someone! What a daft i was... my problem is i believe everyone... for me everything is white... everyone is good n then darkness descends upon me! I have suddenly started to see everyone in different perspective now.

Everybody is living a pecksniffian life these days. Its a matter of trust and its tough to place it in any one person. The only thing they think about is themselves. The only person they are true to is themselves and the only thing they care about is themselves. While i have traversed through life and treaded the dreaded paths and relations, one experience has truely stood out that of being lied to!

The human brain is made to see the superficial, that we cannot see what is going on in the mind. The only way to remotely know it is through the expressions and sadly that can be faked too! So whatever little you could read from the face is also doubtful now. People say something, intrepret something else, blurt something else and the whole pretence of 'oh i care about you, you can share with me' is so trust breaking. So i don't know whom to trust. How to evaluate who is worthy of my trust?

Right now, i am left with no friend again... so i talk to myself in the night... i would like to read minds.

Bollywood Dreams

So Dostana is glamorous, chic, filled with some extremely hot looking people with surreal lifestyles. Such movies are only meant to transport you to fairyland and make you believe in fantasy. For me it was entertainment. The opening song has two of the hottest bodies in the industry - Shilpa Shetty and John Abrahim (read almost nude). Then enter Abhishek Bachhan with the tad worn out uber cool look. With Miami as the backdrop, there is bound to be a lot of bare bod display and joining the gang of 'oh look at me i am hot too' is Priyanka Chopra with microscopic clothes. I could see guys salivating over her fabulously toned abs and legs.

Frankly i knew what the movie would be like so i wasn't paying much attention either but while i almost skipped a beat when i saw John in that gray D&G, i was thinking what others in the packed house must be thinking.

Movies are such a relaxant and such a fantastic way of living your dreams that almost everybody starts to relate to one or the other character instantly. The house was packed on the premiere show with people of all walks of life excited about their own bit in the movie. If i were drooling over John somebody must be drooling over Abhishek am sure. While 90% of the guys would be fantasizing about Priyanka the rest who did not (rather could not) would be lusting over Abhishek and John! When i was walking up to the cinema hall i heard a woman exclaim painfully looking at the movie poster ' I don't want to watch this movie, Priyanka's looking so hot, she's lost so much weight!'. The lady surely was jealous of the gals body. Some wanna be's must have been admiring John's sculpted body. Some fashionista's must be examining Priyanka's costumes and some must be criticizing Abhishek's look thinking i look much better than him!

Every body had been enchanted by something from the film. I could see a gang of friends identifying with the friendship depicted in the movie while other's only dreaming of having one like that. I could imagine girls identifying with priyankas character being chased by 3 guys and not being able to make a choice. I could see men who had fallen for their best buddy but never been able to muster the courage to confess, relating to Junior Bs and Johns character. I could sense single men looking for a house dreaming of moving in with a woman like Neha. Some career centered women must be aspiring to be in Neha's place while most could have identified with her pathos of being superseded by a new guy for the position she was eying. A lot of women would have identified with her falling for her boss and some could have related to the awkwardness one feels after your best buddy proposes to you.

Since the movie halls near my area are flocked by TV stars and bollywood hotties most often, i could imagine some of them thinking in their minds that they would have done X role much better than Y. All the wanna be's thinking of playing a character like that or staring in a KJo movie some day. Every actor would imagine being the next lead opposite Priyanka!

Its such a mixed bag of emotions and the sheer vividness that one movie can create in each of the viewers heart. I salute the movie makers for the movie going experience and the jet d'eau of emotions they create on screen. More than the movie i enjoyed decoding each person's thought in the hall. Truly enigmatic, bollywood does give each one of us dreams to live for!

Walk of life...

Cold, conscious, alert, susceptible, vulnerable and ridiculed. This is how one feels when one is stripped! I am feeling the same right now.

Like everyone is ridiculing my state right now... like i am a joke and i can see people pointing their fingers at me and laughing out loud, like i am stripped! I have nowhere to run, no place to hide and no one to count on. Like everybody has suddenly turned their backs on me. Oblivion... thats my new address...

Your own friends can become strangers in the walk of life. The hands that you once held can become the hand that pushes you away today. The eyes that were full of love and affection for you once can become so cold one day. Friends whom you swore by once will turn around and curse you! The walk of life... aint as simple as i thot it is... and that is all because of what you are today and not what you actually are since forever.

In the most adverse times of your life, they say is the true test of your friendship and love, for those who stay by your side in your dips are the ones who care to see your ups... and those who get close in your ups are people who are scared of the dips! I may not have had too many ups but i can surely see in the dips who all chose to go away when i was climbing down. I can see who is waiting to console me in my dips. Very few i must say. Success can change perspectives really. But i am surprised it can be that of 'friends' as well. I think we must coin a new term for these short term 'conditions apply' friends. Ummm... how about calling them 'sunflowers'??? Coz they only last till the sun shines! or a better something else....

These sunflowers have all turned around and become nightmares. They have vanished when i needed them most... and am sure am not the only one who has seen times like these... plenty like me coz there are plenty like them too! I may have hurt somebody similarly.. APOLOGIES for it!

Walk of life... from point A to point B i have made many friends.. some strayed away by time, by choice, by circumstance... some i strayed away from! But one request to everyone... never mistake and aquaintanceship with friendship ever... there are emotions attached to the later that could be hurt. For those who stayed on... I VALUE YOU!!! THANKS for being my 'friend'.

Nightfall

I can't see... i am hazy.. my vision blurred or rather dark, my mind clogged and my head, heavy.

My thoughts have become super fast. My nights are up and awake. Clarity is what i call for. I m scared of darkness. I hate it when i can't see anything and eclipses disorient me. I cannot fight what i can't see.


Diwali is over, the dark is supposed to go. I am waiting for the new moon, some ray of light, some source of energy... It cannot be dark forever. Am taking my chance for now in the dim light. Touching feeling and understanding everything that seems so different in the dark. Simple things look like monsters, shadows appear. I can feel and sense everything around... eerie and cold. Everything but me.

12 months, 1 year

Both happened. In sub sequence of 2 days. Overwhelming joy and sorrow. No complaints really but that's the cycle of life. Nobody can get anything in excess or forever. Nothing is forever. No joy no sorrow.

The joy being the launch of my station in Nagpur after an endless wait. No joy can compare to the feat of launching a new station. We were just recuperating from the brain damaging happiness and i got the news at 2. Gypsy, died. A dog for many who do not understand the affection of pets and a family member for who actually empathise. She was with us for 8 years and that's a long time. I was away, and i thank God for that. Coz i wouldn't have been able to ever get over it had i seen her dying.

I was alone, trying to hide my tears, but why? I love her immensely. I don't get depressed thinking of her today, because she has given me too much joy to think about her and feel sad.

Today completes the 1 year, of not having my pet around of not having to see her when i go back home, of not being loved by and not being asked for. 12 months have passed after the launch of Nagpur on 18th! I am so overjoyed by the fact that this journey has been so amazing and the talent i trained has managed to finally walk it on their own.




I am smiling today. 12 months and the 1 year has passed so soon. Both memories would live forever in my heart. Equally remembered!

Inconnu

'so that's me, exactly me. I look like me, i smile like me, i even think like me', I was telling myself looking at the mirror. But do i really know myself? Who knows me? Who knows you??? We are inconnu!

Who knows you anyway? We are surrounded by people who constantly tells us how well they know us. Be it your boyfriend/girlfriend, your very close friends, your family, your acquaintances or anybody you meet even for a millisecond. They remember the next time you meet, what food you like, what color you like, what dress you wore and all that trash and it means they know you well. I like it! So convinient. So knowing somebody is basically just about knowing their likes and dislikes, knowing their friends and knowing the exterior! Or is it? So when your friends know you they mean they know what you like or dislike. What do they mean when they say they know you?

Frankly even your parents don't know you completely. No they can't. What they see of you is their child and what you are is something else. You may have a zillion flaws and your parents would voluntarily not notice them only because you are their child. So how well do they know you? Just as much as you know yourself.

All of us infact change according to circumstances; consciously or sub consciously. Plus, all of us grow with our experiences as well. So its not neccesary that we react the same way to the same situation at two different occasions and its completely natural. Does it mean that we have changed? ummm... may be yes, may be not! Our choices, likes and dislikes... our decisions and so many other things so depend on the today we are living in that i may have planned the biggest house on a particular land and just when i start digging the foundation i may find an oil reserve and start a petrol pump there! Have i changed????

What we are in front of our parents we are not in front of the friends and not the same in front of our collegues and not all in front of strangers and neither knows how you are in front of the other. So if we have so many different facets in just one personality who would you say knows you thouroughly? You??? Would you know if you'd react the same way to the same thing at two different time zones? Damn!

I was watching big boss (yes i watch it regularly and if i may say... i am a fan!) i realised how everybody was totally contrary to what i percieved of them or how they showed. Like a payal was the biggest shock to me... somebody who pretends to be sober and demure suddenly became this stupid bimbette who is so suffering from attention deficit syndrome that she couldn't look straight into people's eyes without looking through them at the camera once. Her sly and cheap side am sure even her parent's din't know of. Raja! Sambhavna? Did their parents know they abused so much!

Nobody can know you in moments they spend with you. I don't know myself in the life i have spent with me... i dunno how i'd be tomorrow... all i know is i am not wanting to know myself anymore... its beautiful see everytihng unfold gradually to know the various magical aspects of yourself. I like it... sorry but nobody knows me... nobody knows you either... we are all Inconnu!

PARADOX

There i was sitting and waiting for my friend to arrive just outside Cafe Mondegar. The dholki wala trying to sell me dholaks almost convincing me that i can be the next Himesh with it, the tee shirt wala trying to make me feel better telling me that the tiny tee shirt is ACTUALLY my size and the taxi walas slowing down as if i were waiting there for them.

Across the road at a distance i saw a boy and a girl, in a rather uncomfortable position, just behind where the pan wala was. I was stunned for a moment thinking what the two must be really thinking to be be doing what they were doing on the road in full public view. This aint like Big Boss where such works for TRP's. I noticed around nobody was paying much attention to it making me look like one villager. I was embarrassed, shocked, intimidated, curious and all that all together. I stretched my toes to get a better view to satiate my curiosity and a dholak wala din't like me playing bad cop. I was a bit anxious now to know what exactly was going on like most villagers like me would be. Its natural, no need to squeeze the nose in disgust!

So when i was fully concentrating upon trying to know how far the story has gone across the road i got pushed and shoved and thrown down the road. Bloody tourists!!! When i found my balance WHATEVER happened was the same! Argh! They were just standing in front of each other and bloody sipping coconut water from the same damn fruit! I was so disgusted with myself actually and embarrassed, shocked and all that shit again. Such a small shift in perspective and what i saw was in completely and totally different.

After a really long time i called this chap whom i had not gotten in touch with for many many years assuming he doesn't like me. I always thought he had something against me. I had some work with him today and i had to ring him up and much to my surprise he was very very nice. Totally contrary to what i expected, our conversation was superb! Its like what you expect and the exact opposite happens----- PARADOX!!!

A glass half empty to you may look like half full to somebody. A black cloud may look like thunderstorm to one or much needed rain to others. Darkness may look like the end to one but may look like the beginning of a brighter day to the other. Your eyes deceive you don't they? What you see with one eye gives you only depth, with the other eye gives you only dimension or distance. When you see with both your eyes wide open is when you get the clear picture. Am glad i opened both my eyes and gave him a call. I am glad about this paradoxical turn out. I would have been so wrong to have assumed what i assumed forever and never made an effort to rectify my vision. I'm glad i was pushed from the footpath to correct what i was thinking is wrong! I hope everybody gets a chance like that.

Makes me Happy

There is nothing to beat the aroma of piping hot adrak ki chai. Its so amazing that it has really no equal. It instantly brings a smile to my face.

The other day i was thinking, its so easy to cheer me up. One cup of thadakti bhadakti adrak ki chai and am set! On my way back home i drool over the fragrance of sea food. I love sea food.... nothing to describe in any language how much love it. I have tried uncountable times to give up non vegetarian food, but i couldn't give up eating fish. I try to console myself by saying that fish ain't non veg in some parts of the world, but yaeah! we dont live in those parts unfortunately.

For some reason i love vada paav. Its the simplest food item on any menu but can refuel you instantly. Like you can't go wrong with a Vada paav really! All burgers and sandwiches are inspired by this numero uno fast food item!

My roomie came back from Hong kong last week and just as i asked for she got me wrist watches. Yes Watches...two of them... so my count has gone up ummm... lemme count.... the black... the studded... the metal... ya the two pinks and 3 blues... 2 brown...... I guess i have 38 in total now.... 38 WRIST WATCHES! I am an accessory freak, particularly wrist watches. I dont remember when this fad caught on to become an addiction, but there was a time when i had to pick up a watch no matter what every time i went shopping. Most of my watches have stopped working, gone bad... damaged beyond repair all because i have so many that i can't wear them all together. I wish had more hands to wear them all.

Just how small these things are but can change my mood drastically and almost instantly!

Dark Nights

' Salman Khan issued Fatwah for celebrating Ganesh Utsav'

' Goons bring down a cinema hall following strong comments by Jaya Bachchan'

' 10 killed in missile attack in Pakistan'

‘ 20 killed in Delhi serial blasts, many left injured’

What is happening? Since when did God in the name of religion and power teach us violence? Which religion in the world teaches it follower violence or hatred? Who gives this handful of nuisance makers the right to kill in the name of religion? And for whom do they kill? Terrorism has become the biggest issue in the world and every country is fighting it in its own way. Terror in the name of power, in the name of religion, in the name of money isn’t unheard of in any continent now. The future looks so bleak so dark and suffocating that it’s difficult to breath the same air as these so called ‘terrorists’.

Religion. So easily distorted. It’s perhaps the only thing that can bind numerous people in faith and divide them on the same factor. Religion, so individually driven so deeply engraved in our minds that one raging thought can devastate a whole community. It’s so easy to hit the soft spot because we are vulnerable to religion and our beliefs in it. A couple of people know exactly how to hit the spot and most of us fools who are in obvious majority fall for it. We let the terrorists take over minds despite being the majority. Aren’t we fools?

There are countable terrorists in the world. Let’s count the big ones that are world terror: Osama? Dawood? Saddam (who’s dead now!) and a few terror groups that too countable on the fingers of our hand. How many of us who are anti terror???? Zillions??? Is it so hard to combat what is going on? Is it really the future we have decided for ourselves? Why to work and earn when we shall eventually die at the hands of a few mad caps who know where and when to hit our emotions and spread terror? Its hard to believe that the biggies of the world, the intelligence of the world and the smartest and most vigilant police forces cannot locate one single radical. We can let thousands of people die for one groups’ selfish and lunatic interest? Weird!!! That’s all I feel.

They train 11 year olds to kill people and we teach our 11 year olds to sit and cry over it. So funny! Not that we should give them guns and teach them how to kill, but can we teach them better values and how to deal with a world like this? Visualize a world when our kids will have commando security to even play in the park. Imagine schools teaching how to operate and AK 47 or it’s advanced versions then, the children making miniature atomic bombs in science labs and then dividing their groups into religious differences and making friends only with children of their belief! That’s scary.

Terror isn’t a feeling we want to live with. Today am scared of going out alone in crowded places not knowing if I’d return safely. Thanks to a few mad guys. If they can cohesively ruin the world and make our lives miserable, we can get together to fight it. We cannot afford to play dumb like they cannot afford to rest.

Unspoken Words

How often do we start talking and the talk leads to discussions lead to debates lead to arguments lead to fights lead to no talk anymore!

Simple words all of them, can turn the simplest of discussions to big fights. When our conversations begin we so carefully choose our words and when we loose this control is exactly when conversations become chaos. Its so totally subconscious. Simple words have no direction or soul of their own. Words are what we make of them. Words have the power to make statements and memorable lines. They also have the power to break hearts and ruin lives. They can be harsh, they can be mild they can sooth and shock at the same time.

Words are best preserved and used only when they'r really required. Sometimes silence needs to do the talking. Silence, can compensate for a zillion spoken words. The silence that is uneasy, calming, reassuring, romantic, eerie and sometimes an answer to most questions. That's the toughest to read. Unspoken words, are silence.

Silence is the best language to avoid most brash ending word conversations. Learn this new language! You are sure to find answers to so many questions that were unanswered for so long...discover aspects about yourself that you otherwise would have wasted in words.

Sex and the City

Its not funny to be living in a city so full of orgasms, where anything and everything can make you high and vis a vis. First when i was in a smaller city, i had nothing to do becoz of the lack of options. Things haven't changed as i had presumed, on the contrary they have worsened due to abundance of options. I don't know what to do!

Thats the hitch of a big city. Every murky lane to all the Illuminati, everything is orgasmic. I may behave like an idiot from the remotest tribe coming to a big city for the first time but honestly for anybody, so much glamor is a little unpalatable. Makes you feel like a small insignificant fragment in the big universe and nobody likes it.

The harms and charms of this city have been counted a million times before but when the solitude hits you, thats when you feel totally strange. Even the next door neighbor seems miles away. You jump out of joy meeting even the zero est of people who could possibly know you. It hurts when the crowd hits you on your shoulder and passes by when you're still standing there trying to find directions. Funny how people still manage too cuddle up in auto rickshaws and make out in abandoned structures. I reassures there is still some emotion left here. You walk out at 11 in the night and women would still dress up like its 11 am and manage to look fresh despite of a long tiring day.

I had not experienced this before in my life since i left the city as a child and have come back to be shocked and bedazzled. The late nights are usually reserved for the ambiguous beings. Flashy red and greens goldens and blacks.... electric blues and silvers around shady corners trying to find their weekly/ daily catch for a living, are a usual sight. I feel sometimes that life is all about 'that' for some( most rather!) people. For everything they do will eventually lead to 'it' somehow. They dark nights are reserved for them and everybody around me suddenly seems to be looking for 'it'. I have no problem with 'it' but its strange how a city can make it so easily available and acceptable and the whole of mankind can depend on it. In Wiccan philosophy 'it' means awakening of senses. This really makes me feel why do we need currency if everything is based on 'its' give and take?

Nevertheless, the city comes alive with every festivity, becomes dark with every off season. All that glitters are the clothes and neons that call out attention! For me, i'd still want to be that one living being walking around with toned down clothes deriving fun out of other peoples orgasmic deeds. By orgasm i really mean the excitement.