Inked for life!

The gun is scary to look at. When he fixed the needle it was even scarier. He jutted the needle out after fixing it and dipped it in the ink. Black it was. He quickly checked if the needle was fixed correctly and the ink enough.

The needle moved in and out so fast that it looked like it will drill through! The sound was that of a micro jet. A weak soul would faint at the very sight. I sat there on his recliner calmly.

Butterflies fluttered in my stomach and anxiety was killing me but my face remained undeterred. I looked like a pro. Atleast i pretended to be. I had 2 already... so this one was no big deal you see.

The other guy had etched the design on my foot and the stencil told the outcome would be great. As i lay on the recliner, with a pseudo calm around me... he got the gun and jotted the first dot on my skin. I felt this sudden rush of blood to my head. It made me happy. As his gun kissed and scored along my skin drawing the stencil into reality the rush drove me insane. It was like a hundred roller coster rides one after the other. The rush was immense.

He finished the outline in no time and kept staring at it. He coolly asked me 'do you want me to do something else to it?' I said yeah fill it up. He replied 'actually i wanted to keep it that way, you want me to color it?' i said yeah color it... 'he said hang on' and pulled out a pen from his stand full of equipment and handy things. He drew something over the outline... said 'i'm thinking let's give it a shadow... will make it light grey so it looks like it' i looked closely... pondered like i understood what he envisioned and then nodded in disagreement. Nope! let it be like that... just fill it with color... both my tattoos are black and i want a hint of color on this... 'which color' he asked... i said blue...the guy behind him quickly walked up to the stack of color bottles and followed his instructions. 'Two drops of blue and one green'

The needle was cleaned and he dipped in some color on it. The wise traveler gradually was filled with life. It was incredibly beautiful, delicate and aesthetic. You rock! I told him. He was smiling.... it took him 20 mins...only....He dabbed the tattoo and asked his matey to apply some ointment over it... he got up and looked at it... 'next time, pls let us some more work on you preeti!' and i looked at him and smiled.... 'yes sure, next time i promise i will come back with a big design for my back!' he replied 'ya ya...' as he smiled and walked away.

My Wise traveller, the symbol of my love for travel... will be with me forever... where ever i go... will encourage me to step out and follow my dream...

My first was the eye of horus, an ancient egyptian symbol of the protection and royal power.... my second was my love for my dog when she died...'GYPSY' etched in arabic...and my third the traveler!

My passion has been inked on me forever....

Before i Die....

Things I want to do before I die. In no particular order actually

1. Make my own film – write and direct, whether I get appreciation for it or not. I don’t want to die unhappy about the fact that I had the vision and put it to no use.

2. Globe trot – want to see every part of the world, physically accessible and mentally thinkable. I was born with two feet to trot and walk so I shall!

3. drive on the formula one track – I am a fast and furious girl. Love fast cars and furious men. I can only drive men furious so I’d rather choose to drive a car so fast that the tyres burn! Formula 1 is my dream… and I know I will drive on the Monaco track one day.

4. work with SRK – I do not know by the time I make my film SRK would still play leads. I would still love to work with him once even if that means taking his phone calls.

5. build a genuine liking for children – for all who know me know I cannot tolerate children. They are nice till they learn to talk! But before I die I want to genuinely like children and indulge in the whole ‘ollllle le le le… ta hua baby to’ crap talk.

6. be filthy rich some day - even if it means I become broke the very next day. Even for a day I want to feel how the rich feel.

7. bungee jumping and zorbing – these two sports make my head spin… the thought I mean. I am a self confessed adrenaline junkie, I am medically advised not to get into these two sports less I decide to commit suicide by breaking my back forever. But I promise you mister doctor, I will be fine and living for another 50yrs even after bungee jumping and spinning in the zorb ball.

8. learn how to swim – I am an aquarian. Just for namesake. I cannot swim to save my life. This fear I developed as a child when I went to learn swimming and somebody threw me in 10ft deep water when I was 3ft myself. Couldn’t ever learn how to swim after that. I love water though…

9. live in the mountains and write – this is like the closest wish to my heart. I really want to live in the mountains for a good six months and write. From the big wooden windows with a cup of tea, over looking green meadows and sheep grazing on the beautiful landscape… and as eyes go up you’d see snow kissed mountains… I want to write… I love the mountains! I’d probably die there.

10. sing – I do sing… I am trained! But I am too shy to sing in public. But one day I want to revive my passion for singing. I will sing again!

11. watch all the movie made to date – I want to, hopefully!

12. I want to buy the world’s most expensive watch ever!

13. I want to learn photography. I love it and I do manage a few lucky shots but not as good as I would like them to be.

14. My one dream of getting a tattoo was fulfilled twice, but I still have that urge of getting one more! On my calve muscles. The sign of a traveler!

15. travel to space! Yes if technology allows me to

16. travel in time – yes that too!

17. get married… or so I wish!

Aegis

When she cried she was fed with goodies. When she laughed she was made to laugh even more. When she fell, they came running to pick her up. When she made mistakes they would grab her by the arm and make her understand everything. When she was lonely they would fill her life with their presence. When it rained they quickly covered her head. When she slept, they would pull a blanket over her and kiss her forehead with affection that her made her smile in her sleep. She was part of a happy family. Now when she cries, she cries alone. When she laughs, she laughs at her own misery. When she falls she has to stumble and get up and on her own. When she makes mistakes, either people laugh at her or she pays for them. When she is lonely she has no escape from her loneliness. When it rains she has no choice but to soak in the rain. When she sleeps she shivers as she cries.

She is missing life. Nobody to run their hands over her head to console her when she is crying. Nobody to hold and hug her tight when she is scared. Nobody to wipe tears off her cheeks and maker laugh when she is low. Nobody to say 'i care'. It's tuff to battle alone in the most treacherous of wars with life. It's tough not to give in and give up at times. Its tough to just smile when you don't feel like it.

It's like a sudden gush of wind blows your umbrella away. Like you are stranded in the middle of no where. When you try to clean up the mess it becomes even messier. She doesn't know how to deal with it anymore. She is cringing in her mind with the thought of being out in open. She feels vulnerable and unarmored. Sans Aegis!

Ape Dance!

Atul and I had this infamous habit of ogling at all the women in the disco. We passed nasty comments on how they looked, dressed, danced and some were our regular baits. At ‘B2B – the place to be’ he and I grabbed a corner would trip on every human breathing on floor. It was a fun exercise for us, much like the harmless high you’d get out of drinking. Our routine was somewhat like this – we walked into Country Inn with a fleet of cars always, some 4 odd one after the other. Raina, Deependra, Atul and me… swoosh… into the sparkling valet. We would get our wrists stamped and walk down the twisty stairway like it was our own disco. The first floor had the bar and a lounge area and we would first thing do is peep down and look at the people on the floor and then walk down to the lower level. We would fill our glasses and grab one corner from where we could scan the whole crowd without them seeing us. Once we were done scanning, we would then pick on the ‘catch of the day’ who would be then our subject of torture for as long as we were there.

So this one chick in a white tight shirt was our regular target. Her shirt was so tight that I felt sometime her intestines would pop out and she would die of claustrophobia. Nonetheless, she was breathing…comfortably… to return every week! Atul had an eye on her… she was a ‘tota’ for him. I found her cheap. She would just thrust her chest in and out to every song like she knew nothing else. Her partner would change each week, which is what amused Atul most. Every weekend she would get a different tharki buddha with her to pay up for her booze and dance – a so called couple! When we were done taking her case we would then pay attention to the sudden high of the tempo of music playing which meant that the place is packed and everybody is ready to ‘hit it’. DJ chetan would blare on the mic and rap to some hip hop tune ‘Welcome everybody to B2B- the place to be, enjoy your evening… let me see some hands in the air….here you go….’ And then suddenly the whole crowd on the dance floor would jump up and down in sync and throw their hands in the air.

The dark disco would light up with disco lights swirling from left to right. Champak would begin his lambada to any song virtually. He would squeeze his hands close to his body and do quirky footwork that nobody could catch! Each one would gradually start stepping on to the floor and do their own thing. Gattu had a peculiar dance step where she would stick her butt out like a duck and spread her hands on her sides like duck’s wings and sway from side to side. Ashi was so shy that she would not budge from her place and only look around and move slightly. Sleepy was the most stylish. She would dress up like a bomb and apply make up and get transformed on the floor. Hinna would only come if her brother and bhabhi accompanied her, so she was always the last to come and the energy would suddenly go up as she entered! Moniya, would only step in once beedi played and then there was no stopping. She would dance till she died. For me… I had no head no tail. One song needed to pep me up and I am on! I would find the closest speaker and stand under it. Music would give me a high that no spirit could ever. I was always under the speaker grooving to my dance style…. Till my favorite song played and I joined the centre again. I dint bother, who was looking at me or how I looked when I dance. I still don’t. It’s a trip for me like a shot! Atul, had the funniest form of dancing. He has described it in his blog in the best manner. ‘Showing off his own unique dancing style which was unmatched(it seemed like a snake was trying to climb a mountain, the guys hands and legs used to assume different polio like postures which would have even shocked a qualified surgeon)’. We would all ape him and he would feel so proud of it! Chaddu was the worst. She wouldn’t dance in the first place and is she did she would elbow and kill people around her with her histrionics.

Well, I took breaks between my dance displays for my back ache wouldn’t allow me to dance at a stretch. So these breaks were Tharak time for Atul and me. ‘ Dekh dekh, kya tota aya hai aaj…’was his standard line always. I would then scan the chick from head to toe and disapprove of her. And then was our time to rape everybody’s character standing in that one corner. ‘Yeh aaj ghar jaake na…. aaj to iski diwali hai…. Kya baapu bazaar chhap kapda daal ke aayi hai…. Iska charitra kuch thik nahi hai…’.
One thing we have seen, as soon as a popular number played, the entire crowd would roar which was supposed to be a happy welcoming sound and then they would all dance a common step harmoniously. Either throw their hands in the air and jump up and down or do a hand up and down step. Few of the famous popular songs for sync steps are ‘paathshala’, ‘aye mere dil tu gaaye ja’, ‘It’s the time to disco’, ‘where’s the party tonight’, ‘we will rock you’, as soon as ‘summer of 69’ played everybody would become Bryan Adams in multiples, strumming imaginary guitar’s and thumping their heads up and down wildly. Funny synchronized dancing. I really enjoyed watching these sync dances. All non-dancers enjoyed this one moment of glory where they knew one step well atleast! The signature step from the popular song from the time was what they danced to. I am not the, ‘ape a step’ kinds. I have my own dance style…. Out of sync from the crowd… I am ok with it. Atul cannot dance anyway!

But really, not just B2B, every nightclub that I have visited has the same set of people. It’s like a ‘copy-paste’ phenomenon. Same things happen… same kinda disc-etiquette is followed. Same hysteria when a hit song plays, same synchronized dancing to popular songs same shit. Apes haven’t evolved a bit.

F R I E N D S - How well do you know them?

I have just finished a fully faltu quiz on FB saying how well do know xyz. I scored a miniscule 58%. But what prompted me to take the quiz was the friend himself. This friend is an item in his own right. I have not seen a ‘piece’ like him ever in my life. He is oblivious to the mocking faces and sniggering friends. He is oblivious of the facts about himself and he really needs a reality check at every step in his life. He is always the topic for our entertainment even when he’s not with us. We talk about him and amuse ourselves with his unique ability to just make a fool of himself everywhere. He never fails to astonish me.

There is another one like this boy. Let’s name this sample as ‘the buffoon type’. They are the ‘clowning glory’ of any group. There would be nothing to laugh about had they not been there. So every time you bunch of friends meet you will have this friends’ histrionics to talk about always. This other chick friend of mine is a sample. She has this uncanny ability to make a fool of herself at any cost. It’s like her task for the day ‘to make a bigger of me than yesterday, each day’. Her category is slightly different though. She falls under ‘the inquisitive pooper type’. She will innocently pretend to be your best friend and show how much she cares but at the end mess up everything that is there. Under utter foolishness, these kinds may ruin all your plans. These are like the bugs that crack all your smart alec plans and make you look like a fool ironically.

The next specimen is the one that thinks is a know all. They are ‘the smarty pants types’. They feel unwanted and petty if they do not know something or anything! So when you are talking about something they have to give their opinion, they have to display their ‘vast’ knowledge about things they know. Even if their opinion is uncalled for. There is a type B also here. One’s that have an opinion about everything. So whether they know the subject or not, they may google it and get back or even blurt half baked knowledge. So you may just stop talking and stare at them and they may pretend that what they said was indeed right till you resume your conversation. I knew this girl who seemed very intelligent (read this as an oxymoron itself: girl - intelligent!) who would always have her ears open for conversations she could barge into. She was aware of a lot of things I agree, but awareness isn’t knowledge, isn’t wisdom at all! I could never beat her at her arena coz I don’t believe in arguments, even though I knew she was bullshitting at many occasions.

The next one is ‘the curious type’. This one is always inquisitive about everything. ‘Tell na’ is the first word they learnt when they started speaking! They want to know everything. Where you got your clothes from, where you eat, what happened to your ex’s Y’s W’s Q’s relative, what happened to that employees mothers husbands nieces dog and so on and so forth… they just love to hoard information that is totally useless.

‘The wannabe types’ are the ones that want to be like you all the time. So they would do every thing that you do, smartly. Dress like you, talk like you, make friends with your friends and try so hard to be liked. They remain the sidekicks always and never elevate in the group to anything important. You would often forget to invite them into your plans.

The biggest turns off are ‘the self obsessed types’. The moment they enter you know your conversation (read monologue) is going to be skewed towards that person. He will only talk of himself and what he did and how he did and how it was ‘oh so fabulous’. He thinks he is the centre of attention but in actuality nobody really cares about him. He may end being the Type 1 ‘buffoon’ eventually if he overdoes his ‘Me-ness’.

There are certain natural leaders of a group. Somehow strangely everybody else seems to agree with him/her. I have never understood who gives them that authority or the responsibility to decide anything for anyone. So this ‘the leader type’ will decide on all plans, everybody will ask him/her for most permissions, everybody will decide once this leader has decided and all plans get dropped if the leader isn’t part of it. Strange flock of sheep they must be! Contrary to this are the weaklings. They are ‘the Pappu types’ that will submit to everything. They are like the runner boys of the group and get bullied always. They will run around to do all your work and will basically have no opinion of their own unless required. They are the ones who will say ‘OK’ to everything. Mindless!

There are ‘the tom-boy types’ who like to have this ‘I don’t’ give a damn’ attitude but are actually sensitive inside. They will use the most profane language, behave like boys and would totally forget they are girls. They can be quiet and embarrassment in public. ‘The pile on types’ is really the most pitiable kind. They do not find themselves any friend and would hang on to any connection they find. They will self invite themselves to your gatherings, they may keep calling you and pestering you even when you do not answer their calls, and they just don’t get the signal and won’t give up either.

The secretive kinds are the worst. They will be a part of your life and yet not disclose anything about their own. They will keep secrets of other people with them and they will not share anything like they have sworn their lives into the priory of scion! Contrary to these are the bitchy types, whose primary aim in life is to pull the world down. They only congregate to bitch and are a slightly malicious category coz they are harmful and may cause severe damage any time coz they may switch loyalties for their benefits. Their close kins are ‘the gossip kinds’. These are harmless because they will never damage any repute. Their role is of a new carriage or a journo on job 24x7. They will have scoop from the remotest part of the world and will share as soon as you say ‘don’t tell anyone’. We may have all had the enterprising type friend in our life who we know will arrange for everything! You have a party, you need a car, you need to pick up your iron you gave for repairing, you need to pay your bills, you need someone to pick up your folks…anything….! This one friend is always there… we’d for better understanding sake call them ‘Jugaadu’.

The story teller type will have endless stories about everything to tell. This is one friend who has experienced everything in life or so it seems. He will narrate personal life experience on every context possible and you’d feel how the hell this fellow has a story to tell always!? The know-all type friend is really and clearly the most learned and educated in the group. You’d find him evading parties and get together’s only because he has to study! He has no regret of having not had a good time as his best friend would be the book at that time. The zen types are those that are stress free always. They are the happy fun balls and will never sweat in any situation what so ever.

The more endearing are your 4am friend types, whom you can call anytime and you know they will attend to you. You can go to their houses without making a phone call. You can trouble them for anything you want and they won’t say a word. The agony aunt types are related to these but different in a way that you may only contact these friends when you have a serious advice to seek or a grave problem to solve. These may also be available for you anytime but you may not indulge into frivolous conversation with these.

We all have a joker in a friend. The entertainer type who will make you laugh always. He is like the life of a group without who going out won’t be half as fun. These are those that are always welcome. There are also the hang out friends’ whom you’d meet only to hang out with without much purpose in life… they don’t mind being one of those in your list and are cool with meeting up on a free day. There are some who you are forced to be friends with coz they think you are their best friends! So you automatically have to be nice and courteous with these ‘you’re my best friend types’. They aren’t exactly pile on’s but they make you feel obligated for being a best friend.

The newest form is the facebook types. These you meet randomly online and know only as much as facebook tells you about them. You may have exchanged a few mails about each others’ lives and that is it! They become fancy names on your friend list.

These are as many as I could think of while writing this piece. It only made me think how many friends I got and how many different kinds! Just the idea that I have so many friends excites me! I fit into ‘the sarcastic kinds’ who loves to take each others’ case. So, what friend are you?^TM ( Facebook do not copy this idea for another of your trashy quizzes for us to take!)

Cleaning out my closet

Have you ever been hated or discriminated against, I have, i've been protested and demonstrated
against, picket signs for my wicked rhymes, look at the times, sick is the mind of the
motherfuckin' kid that's behind, all this commotion, emotions run deep as ocean's explodin',
tempers flaring from parents, just blow 'em off and keep goin', not takin' nothin' from no one,
give 'em hell long as i'm breathin', keep kickin' ass in the mornin', an' takin' names in the
evening, leave 'em with a taste as sour as vinegar in they mouth, see they can trigger me but
they'll never figure me out, look at me now, I bet ya' probably sick of me now, ain't you mama,
i'ma make you look so ridiculous now...

[CHORUS]

I'm sorry mama, I never meant to hurt you, I never meant to make you cry, but tonight i'm
cleanin' out my closet, {one more time}, I said i'm sorry mama, I never meant to hurt you, I
never meant to make you cry, but tonight i'm cleanin' out my closet...

I got some skeletons in my closet and I don't know if no one knows it, so before they thrown me
inside my coffin and close it, i'ma expose it, i'll take you back to '73, before I ever had a
multi-platinum sellin' Cd, I was a baby, maybe I was just a couple of months, my faggot father
must have had his pantie's up in a bunch, cause he split, I wonder if he even kissed me goodbye,
no I don't on second thought, I just fuckin' wished he would die, I look at Hailie and I
couldn't picture leavin' her side, even if I hated Kim, I grit my teeth and I'd try, to make it
work with her at least for Hailie's sake, I maybe made some mistakes but i'm only human, but i'm
man enough to face them today, what I did was stupid, no doubt it was dumb, but the smartest
shit I did was take them bullets out of that gun, cause id'a killed 'em, shit I would have shot
Kim and him both, it's my life, i'd like to welcome y'all to the Eminem show...

[CHORUS]

Now I would never diss my own mama just to get recognition, take a second to listen who you
think this record is dissin', but put yourself in my position, just try to envision witnessin'
your Mama poppin' prescription pills in the kitchen, bitchin' that someone's always goin'
through her purse and shits missin', going through public housing systems, victim of
Munchausen's syndrome, my whole life I was made to believe I was sick when I wasn't 'til I grew
up, now I blew up, it makes you sick to ya' stomach, doesn't it, wasn't it the reason you made
that Cd for me, ma, so you could try to justify the way you treated me, ma, but guess what, your
gettin' older now and it's cold when your lonely, and Nathan's growing up so quick, he's gonna
know that your phoney, and Hailie's getting so big now, you should see her, she's beautiful, but
you'll never see her, she won't even be at your funeral, see what hurts me the most is you won't
admit you was wrong, bitch, do your song, keep tellin' yourself that you was a mom, but how dare
you try to take what you didn't help me to get, you selfish bitch, I hope you fuckin' burn in
hell for this shit, remember when Ronnie died and you said you wished it was me, well guess
what, I am dead, dead to you as can be...

I know what you did last night, the day before, just now, 5 secs ago...

...I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.

....is not planning to write anything here as everyone's status is better than mine... Grrrr!!!

...My state of mind - Madhya pradesh today :D

....food food food

...Monday Morning .. did meetings ... they still all sound GREEK !!!

...misses the days of 'Colonel Fazackerley, butterworth toast...'

...is happy to see her friend happy again!

...has been baking all day long and her house smells great! Perfect day for a cute apron!


This is how some of my friends are feeling. How do i know? Well i have a window into their minds. Well actually they have opened it for me and to all the other 200-300 odds on their list. Every morning without a telephone call, without any dialogue, without probing, without asking for and without fail i get to know what my friends are feeling today. Some are facing the blues, some heart aches, some boss troubles and some lazy. I know exactly what they are upto. I know when my friends are seeing someone the minute they update their status to 'in a relationship'. I know when they have changed jobs when their 'presently working' reflects something new. I know when they are not in a good mood when their status reflects so. I know where they hang out where they party or where they had been last when i see their photos!

My friends be in any part of the world i be connected always. Its a fascinating world this...social networking! I don't know what half the world, out of touch with their friends, would have done without Facebook.

The social aspect is pretty much publicized and known. What fascinates me is how it opens a window in to each others' lives. Like ....food food food - means this friend is hungry and its way past lunch time.

...Monday Morning .. did meetings ... they still all sound GREEK !!! - means this friend has attended a boring meet and has slept through it.

....A pretty transparent umbrella made my day! Im so loving it that I may not use it when it rains... and when it shines either :) - means the friend is gearing for a romantic rainy season!

...i wish i was - means this friend is unhappy with something about her life.

... is rediscovering life in pinks and reds !! means this friend is getting married soon!!!


Those fun quizzes are most fun. Although i do not take them but i read other peoples results and the proximity to actuality of it. My friend took a 'What is romance meter' and she scored a whopping 93%. Since i know her i know that it is actually true! This other friend took a 'what kinda bitch are you quiz' and she was rated a 'psycho bitch' LOL, which i feel is true!

So much to discover, so much to say so much to share. You keep an eye on every move of your friends legally! You are allowed to make comments and sneak into their lives with full authority. I love this word of written words and scribbled emotions.

Identity Crisis

I was watching this feature on NDTV the other day about people talking loudly on the phone, people wanting VVIP things like a premium phone numbers and special car numbers and the associated it with such people suffering from an ‘identity crisis’.

It’s more of ‘Attention Deficit Disorder’ (ADD) situation than an ‘Identity Crisis’ case. Such people have a serious problem. They want to be the centre of attraction everywhere. They want to be talked about and want to be ‘loved’ at any cost. Children often show such symptoms by crying loudly, doing abnormal things and behaving badly in public. Adults have different ways. They talk loudly and namesdrop just to grab attention. They demand premium numbers or would want special attention. They would perhaps create a ruckus for small issues manageable with conversation.

Classic example here is a friend of mine who, every time we meet will only talk about himself. What’s new in his life, what’s he interested in, what he likes, what he dislikes and so on a so forth… he doesn’t care if the other person is interested in his trash or not but he is like a motored toy, one key and he won’t stop till the battery is totally discharged. He can divert any conversation from any topic to himself. And if fortunately some day anybody else gets lucky to be talked about some day, he would do silly things to grab all the attention. He would play silly pranks; do funny things or just barge into the conversation to make his place! Serious problem! He has had done several foolish things to make his importance felt at totally irrelevant times. This other chick I know had her unique way of crying, falling sick and being over friendly with the opposite gender. She would dress up funnily and often wear things that never suited her. Her over the top behavior would surprise me. She is a smart girl otherwise, so what occurred to her when she did such foolish things? This friend of mine and this chick are both smart yet their behavior at times is totally unreasonable and embarrassing.

Identity crisis according to the guy who coined this term is when an individual loses a sense of personal sameness and historical continuity. Simply putting, is when you do not know who you are really or you are caught in the trap of something not you. One of my friends, I have diagnosed has a severe identity crisis. She would ape everything that anybody else would do, blindly. If she saw something on somebody, she would get the same dress. If she was in a group, she would go with what the majority said. She really had no choice, personality or intellect of her own. This other friend who is a guy would also try and be like most others. Individually, he was different in person and in a group he would just change and like how! He is a simple person basically, but because many around him aren’t that simple, he is deliberately complicating his life by choosing to live a life that’s not his. He has become brand conscious, he talks about heavy metal, he tries to talk about F1, he talks about his filmy connections and that annoys me.

Facebook and other social networks have become a playground or stage for such physiologically challenged people. Profiles with celebrity pics, picture albums clicked with celebrities, faking profiles, chat friends, online dating, projecting to be something else that you are not is like a refuge from something that you don’t want people to see. Online, you can pretend to be something that you always wanted to be with a consolation that no one will ever see you (unless you choose to reveal). Virtual world transforms in to your actual reality and the chasm between reality and virtual reality diminishes. I had been on second life for some time. I must confess I loved it. I loved the idea of having to be somebody else, taking an avatar of my choice, going to places I’d love to see, doing things I’d probably not have imagined. It was fun for a while and totally surreal, till I realized I was getting ‘teleported’ literally! I refrained and uninstalled it from my system. I get these urges even today to once log into second life and experience it all over again, but fortunately I have forgotten my password.

I think both the cases, ADD and Identity crisis, often crop out of complexes that are beyond repair. These may be superiority or inferiority complexes. However hard it may be to feel comfortable in your skin and be happy with what you are, we often end up being somebody else. Diminutive amounts of self obsession and complexes are fine as long as they help us improve ourselves. We are all somewhere unhappy with ourselves or how and who we are, but we have no choice but to live with it and make that an asset.

People who can diagnose and overcome their weaknesses will always get both attention and an identity of their own. But for those louts who will always suck upto other people and choose to be parasites will remains parasites for life and produce clones in the most legal way!