Charu… is at a very special stage in her life. It’s special because very few remain what she is today at her age. They either change or get married or stray or whatever silly they may choose to do with their lives. Yet she feels lonely in the madness around her. We are trying to find the reasons why.
She is old enough to get married… missing out on something really crucial in her life and waiting for it to happen. Those who could understand her have all drifted and found their own paths. Those left were never worthy of understanding. Those who came were new and strange. Strange is the word. They belong to the i-phone and wi-fi generation. Emotions for them are limited to emoticons on IM’s and more so they are limited to ‘’; ‘’; ‘ :S’; ‘:p’ and ‘:x’. Nothing deeper than that. The only words they know are the ones that can be texted. Can’t blame them.
She cannot find a common ground sadly. She is too old for the young generation and slightly young for the old generation. She doesn’t like the old guys and the young guys don’t know what to talk to her. She is different to add to the misery. Different becoz she is emotional, she needs love and she wants to be pampered. There aint nothing wrong in it. But who’s got time?
There is a dearth of like minded people in her life. Someone who can understand her, someone whom she can talk to endlessly at wee hours of the day, someone who can put a smile on her face everytime it droops. But few care. Being emotional can be quiet a burden on some people. Everybody has their plates full and they care less about anybody else’s grief. She is living with humans she thought were her friends. But sadly even when she has humans at home she finds them strange. She is left alone because she cannot talk about boys all the time, she cannot talk fashion all the time, she cannot talk booze and knock out stories all the time… so she is left out. But who cares?!
She is left to find her own neutral ground, its almost like the old age home where when people reach a certain age they go to find ‘like minded people’! It may be anywhere but it becomes important to meet humans who can talk your language or atleast understand it. So when she finds any one person like that, she clings to them, holds onto them. Her fault?
Humans are gregarious, they find their own flock. So what if one in the flock is different? Doesn’t make it any stranger. Charu needs a friend. Charu is not wrong if she is different.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
LIKE A PUPPY IN LOVE
When I came home, my dog from any corner of the house was the first to greet me at the door. Wag her tail in a speed that she would take off and begin to fly… jump like she could catch the stars, bark like she could tell me how much she loved me. I was so enticed by such overflow of emotions so what if she is a dog. All she wanted was those 30 secs of petting (love in dog language) and all she gave was a lifetime of unconditional love… till she was alive. I miss her. Infact I miss the unconditional love part really. That was the purest form of love I have ever experienced. It was overwhelming.
Its so hard to find love that doesn’t come with a ‘conditions apply’ tag. I hate to mention the obvious but can’t help. I feel sometimes that your parents also love you in some selfish interest. The ‘self’ here is a little passive though but it does exist. I refuse to believe there is any phenomenon like ‘true selfless love’.
Everybody is a sucker for love. Everybody deep down wants a partner who can love like no one else, who places you before self and loves you like there is no other emotion. That’s called puppy love. And the human heart is so amazingly programmed to detect such love and then fall head over heels for it. It’s a strong emotion, the strongest really. One iota of it transforms your entity and then, imagine getting the love that you always wanted!
The heart is really a sucker for love… it moves from one relation to the other, person to person in search of pure magnetic emotions. And the moment you find it, you cannot let go of it. and why am I writing all this out of the blue? …. Just!
Its so hard to find love that doesn’t come with a ‘conditions apply’ tag. I hate to mention the obvious but can’t help. I feel sometimes that your parents also love you in some selfish interest. The ‘self’ here is a little passive though but it does exist. I refuse to believe there is any phenomenon like ‘true selfless love’.
Everybody is a sucker for love. Everybody deep down wants a partner who can love like no one else, who places you before self and loves you like there is no other emotion. That’s called puppy love. And the human heart is so amazingly programmed to detect such love and then fall head over heels for it. It’s a strong emotion, the strongest really. One iota of it transforms your entity and then, imagine getting the love that you always wanted!
The heart is really a sucker for love… it moves from one relation to the other, person to person in search of pure magnetic emotions. And the moment you find it, you cannot let go of it. and why am I writing all this out of the blue? …. Just!
Thursday, March 19, 2009
SURREAL ILLUSION
My stint with TV got over in Feb and I was freelancing ever since. I wanted a stable job but thanks to recession TV wasn’t hiring then. I was writing my animations… my films and took up a new book to read without complaining about the situation and cashing on to the “me time”. This one day my roomie suggested I give out my CV into films since that’s what I want to do eventually so why waste time hither-tether. Made sense… and the next day I had a mail from a group on facebook posting requirements for assistant directors and I applied and forgot about it.
So this lame Monday afternoon I get a call. I was speechless for sometime coz I never expected the call to land up in the first place since I have no film experience whatsoever. I thot who cares! No harm meeting n so I went. Versova- Nadiadwala house… 30 mins and I met Sajid who is directing the film and I was in! He insists I got the film becoz of my surname that I share with the legendary film maker and father of Indian cinema Dadasaheb Phalke, but really that’s the only thing we share… no relation! We chatted for almost an hour and shared our common passion for cinema and I thought ‘wow! No better person to learn from than Sajid, the encyclopedia of films’. I was exhilarated and was really dumbfounded. I wasn’t able to converse with him even a single line properly. I kept telling him I never thot it would be so easy and he kept smiling.
I returned home making calls to possibly everybody close to me and announcing to them. This was the biggest move of my life. So close to my dream that I can’t believe am actually there. I truly believe that when you really badly want something the cosmos conspires to make it happen for you. This is not out of the book but a true life experience. Everytime I wanted something I got it…. my dad thought I was pig headed and stubborn but eventually realized that I dint have to go to the extent of being obstinate at all to get what I want. I just had to wish it. All that was happening in the span of 3 days was surreal and seemed like an illusion. Even the illusion seems like weird. The shoot will be abroad, 3 months in 3 countries… so there my dream of visiting London is fulfilled with a bonus of 2 other countries that I don’t know of yet.
When life gives you wounds it heals them too. Just a matter of time I feel. I have seen many ups and downs in the past 12 months in my career, personal life and my relationship. Every time it seemed like the world would end this time but every time I was given a chance or a reason to get up and walk. Every time I fell down I had a hand that would help me get up and that means a lot to me. Strange are the ways of life. Two big dents in the past 3 months and both have been filled. I am still recuperating but I am not sad thinking about it. Whatever happens, happens for good and both the grave incidents have only made me stronger and taught me how to fight back. No trash talk, no mush, no emotional crap but simply live the life that has been gifted to me. My otherwise dreary and melancholic life suddenly had a spring of energy in it and I am smiling again. It’s been long I must say that I have felt so happy… from within. Few things that make me truly happy from within – travel, my people and the smile that I can bring on my close one’s face. All three happened together in the past 10 days.
I know my life will not be the same again but all I know is whatever it will be from here on, it’s only going to be awesome! I am learning to live with whatever life is giving to me – some things that I expect, some things less than that… some little surprises and some little shocks. But that’s life ryt!
I am rejuvenated and a new person now… ready to tread through the walk of life. Sometimes surreal illusions are too beautiful to let go of! I am living in one….
So this lame Monday afternoon I get a call. I was speechless for sometime coz I never expected the call to land up in the first place since I have no film experience whatsoever. I thot who cares! No harm meeting n so I went. Versova- Nadiadwala house… 30 mins and I met Sajid who is directing the film and I was in! He insists I got the film becoz of my surname that I share with the legendary film maker and father of Indian cinema Dadasaheb Phalke, but really that’s the only thing we share… no relation! We chatted for almost an hour and shared our common passion for cinema and I thought ‘wow! No better person to learn from than Sajid, the encyclopedia of films’. I was exhilarated and was really dumbfounded. I wasn’t able to converse with him even a single line properly. I kept telling him I never thot it would be so easy and he kept smiling.
I returned home making calls to possibly everybody close to me and announcing to them. This was the biggest move of my life. So close to my dream that I can’t believe am actually there. I truly believe that when you really badly want something the cosmos conspires to make it happen for you. This is not out of the book but a true life experience. Everytime I wanted something I got it…. my dad thought I was pig headed and stubborn but eventually realized that I dint have to go to the extent of being obstinate at all to get what I want. I just had to wish it. All that was happening in the span of 3 days was surreal and seemed like an illusion. Even the illusion seems like weird. The shoot will be abroad, 3 months in 3 countries… so there my dream of visiting London is fulfilled with a bonus of 2 other countries that I don’t know of yet.
When life gives you wounds it heals them too. Just a matter of time I feel. I have seen many ups and downs in the past 12 months in my career, personal life and my relationship. Every time it seemed like the world would end this time but every time I was given a chance or a reason to get up and walk. Every time I fell down I had a hand that would help me get up and that means a lot to me. Strange are the ways of life. Two big dents in the past 3 months and both have been filled. I am still recuperating but I am not sad thinking about it. Whatever happens, happens for good and both the grave incidents have only made me stronger and taught me how to fight back. No trash talk, no mush, no emotional crap but simply live the life that has been gifted to me. My otherwise dreary and melancholic life suddenly had a spring of energy in it and I am smiling again. It’s been long I must say that I have felt so happy… from within. Few things that make me truly happy from within – travel, my people and the smile that I can bring on my close one’s face. All three happened together in the past 10 days.
I know my life will not be the same again but all I know is whatever it will be from here on, it’s only going to be awesome! I am learning to live with whatever life is giving to me – some things that I expect, some things less than that… some little surprises and some little shocks. But that’s life ryt!
I am rejuvenated and a new person now… ready to tread through the walk of life. Sometimes surreal illusions are too beautiful to let go of! I am living in one….
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
back and how!
So much to write… am writing after such a long time that I don’t know where to start. Life has been slightly tight and at times it becomes so busy that you do not have time for yourself. For me its been more of wasted occupancy than any useful utilization of it.
The past two months I have met people of kinds that I had only heard of. I had a brush with what is commonly known as “the TV crowd”. No am not awestruck, but I am just amazed at how phony and distraught these lives are. Every moment is a put on far from what you really are. But one has to drop all the pretence and face reality at some point everyday that is when you face the mirror!
What I realized was each one these faces had a face that they would never act out and bring out to public. Its their own actual face. Very few really have the courage to be themselves and those are the one’s who win your hearts. I met a few who were true to themselves and took no time to befriend them. Its hard to differentiate though who’s acting and who’s not but most often you can figure out who’s for real. Anyway, I made friends with a few. But the biggest learning was the people around me. With the industry going through it worst phase and so are the people, I have learnt not to trust anyone but your own self. Owing to the bad times, everybody is insecure and understandably so. But securing your job at the cost of others is a little unreal. I came across people who would stomp over you to get noticed, there are plenty who would bitch gossip and tweak reality in order to be in good books of some. But the worst are people who hold back information; resist to open their mouths when they know what they know can save somebody’s ass from fire. I am much more aware now and slightly more confident of facing this new world.
However, I made a few really good friends… met few really good people who were a revelation of sorts. This journey on the show and TV per se has been very exciting and enlightening for sure. I know where I stand and I know where I have to head from here. I am in new waters and I am still testing them. Its only unfortunate that my tests are happening at a very wrong time when the opportunities are fewer and the temperaments are fiery. Nonetheless, I am glad I made the move. Lot I may have lost, but what I gained being here is much more in terms of bonds and knowledge.
Post that I was at home… my sister got engaged to her friend who she was seeing for 7yrs. My ex-boss said once ‘ 7yr itch… have you heard of it? People usually fall out after 7 yrs’ and here I am… exactly after 7 yrs…. Looking at my sister and smiling away to glory! It all went well. Then I was doomed in this endless depression of how, why, when and oh hell! Like I had once said, I am afraid of lack of clarity. When I can’t see things I get scared most and I am in that situation again. It comes very often ...this situation! But its easier to deal with sometimes… this time is different.
Anyhow I am glad I am back… would be slightly more active here now on depending on mood and my new silly broadband connection which is slower than the gsm on my cell. And yes thanks to a friend of mine who wrote in to me and reminded me how long it was since I had written!
The past two months I have met people of kinds that I had only heard of. I had a brush with what is commonly known as “the TV crowd”. No am not awestruck, but I am just amazed at how phony and distraught these lives are. Every moment is a put on far from what you really are. But one has to drop all the pretence and face reality at some point everyday that is when you face the mirror!
What I realized was each one these faces had a face that they would never act out and bring out to public. Its their own actual face. Very few really have the courage to be themselves and those are the one’s who win your hearts. I met a few who were true to themselves and took no time to befriend them. Its hard to differentiate though who’s acting and who’s not but most often you can figure out who’s for real. Anyway, I made friends with a few. But the biggest learning was the people around me. With the industry going through it worst phase and so are the people, I have learnt not to trust anyone but your own self. Owing to the bad times, everybody is insecure and understandably so. But securing your job at the cost of others is a little unreal. I came across people who would stomp over you to get noticed, there are plenty who would bitch gossip and tweak reality in order to be in good books of some. But the worst are people who hold back information; resist to open their mouths when they know what they know can save somebody’s ass from fire. I am much more aware now and slightly more confident of facing this new world.
However, I made a few really good friends… met few really good people who were a revelation of sorts. This journey on the show and TV per se has been very exciting and enlightening for sure. I know where I stand and I know where I have to head from here. I am in new waters and I am still testing them. Its only unfortunate that my tests are happening at a very wrong time when the opportunities are fewer and the temperaments are fiery. Nonetheless, I am glad I made the move. Lot I may have lost, but what I gained being here is much more in terms of bonds and knowledge.
Post that I was at home… my sister got engaged to her friend who she was seeing for 7yrs. My ex-boss said once ‘ 7yr itch… have you heard of it? People usually fall out after 7 yrs’ and here I am… exactly after 7 yrs…. Looking at my sister and smiling away to glory! It all went well. Then I was doomed in this endless depression of how, why, when and oh hell! Like I had once said, I am afraid of lack of clarity. When I can’t see things I get scared most and I am in that situation again. It comes very often ...this situation! But its easier to deal with sometimes… this time is different.
Anyhow I am glad I am back… would be slightly more active here now on depending on mood and my new silly broadband connection which is slower than the gsm on my cell. And yes thanks to a friend of mine who wrote in to me and reminded me how long it was since I had written!
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