Mircale Called 'Love'

She waved her hand up and down and swayed it from side to side making gestures we know not of. She was talking to the wall I thought till I saw a hand gradually creeping out of the window and returning those gestures. The woman outside waved her hands up and down in a sign language only the hand behind the wall understood. In a moment, a dart came out and spat a ball of paper on the road. She ran across the street to collect her husband’s handwritten note. It was more precious than any amount of wealth for her that time. More valuable than her life may be.

My throat clogged and my heart wept for her as I watched this miracle of love unfold in front of my eyes on television. Nat Geo had this feature a few days ago and I am still not over it. My heart bled for the woman who knew her husband will perhaps never come out yet she lived with a hope. Some strange force kept her going and taught her how to survive. This strange force called love.

She and more people like her visit this jail each day to communicate in sign language with their loved one’s who are jailed for life. They do not know how or chose not to move on in life because they derive the strength they require from love. So strong is this bond that even when the mind knows that we would never see the person again, the heart pulls you to get that one tiny glimpse of them even if it means just the hand. This necessity made them invent a new sign language that only the two understand. Many have found new partners yet come back to say a hello without fail to their true love. All this for something caused by chemical reactions in our body!!?

Chemical reactions fade away in sometime. There is something called immunity that a body will build with repeated exposure to the same action. Hence, this love catalyzed by chemicals in the body will fizzle out in some time. How do you explain why thousand bubbles burst inside your stomach and a rush like no other that knocks you out every time you are in the presence of the person you love, as a mere chemical reaction? Love cannot be chemical, it is something else. It's a miracle!

It is spectacular what all people do in love. Small little things! Am not talking about the big tangible things here. This certainly is beyond my comprehension. This level of chemical reaction is yet to hit me. Not too many experience this, life changing compound of emotions or may be we don’t allow ourselves to experience it. The reasons may be several – lack of time, lack of interest, too many choices blah blah… but for those who do experience this gush of emotions and oodles of reactions go down in history books of love!

I am moved by this documentary that shows how love can really make our world go round. We are indeed very lucky amongst all life forms to be born as humans to experience this emotion. So strong it is that people could kill for love. Another Nat Geo clip I saw showed a leopard trying to hunt a chimpanzee down which it did and dragged it to the top of a tree where suddenly a baby chimp fell of the belly of its mother. The leopard was zapped for a moment and curiously tossed it over till it figured it was alive and was a young one. Nature was defeated and love took over when the leopard then adopted the young chimp and began taking care of it. I was speechless, is an understatement.

A human without the capacity to love cannot even be an animal. The women outside the jail, this leopard and thousands of such anecdotes open a new chapter in my life every time I close the book and keep it away. I am moved, the way love moves all.

Lost & Found

Mahesh Bhatt texted this friend of mine last nyt ' you are lost only when you are searching for something - Tum Mile'

I was intrigued by this line. How true and aptly put is that?! We all get lost at times in our lives and we often think this state of being lost is because you have reached the end of the road. Lost to us is indecisiveness may be, lost to us is a state of mind and not a pause in the journey. Lost to us is being in astray land.

I saw 'the ugly truth' today and felt this line fit in on more than one occassion in that movie. Our lead guy is lost when when he knocks on Abby's door after what happened in the elevator. He comes searching for love at her door and when he finds the 'ideal' man he is lost... his mouth runs dry of words... his mond goes blank and he just...goes! no relevance may be, just trying to fit in the most recent example here!

I am delightfuly enlightened by this new perspective today. Thought i'd share it :-)

Sleep Deprived

Very clearly, i am sleep deprived. I havent slept for the last 5 nights consecutively. I don't even feel the need to sleep, strangely. Barely 8 hours cumulative of 5 nights. My eyes aren't tired, my body isnt giving up neither has my mind. I am in a state of trance, i assume like how one feels after doing drugs. I counted sheep and all... counted stars... counted the bricks on my wall and i feel like a mathematical genius.. if nothing else, my counting has improved for sure!

After a long time i did what i love doing.. while time, with an agenda actually with my friend. Got myself and evil eye bracelet. Although i do not believe in these superstitions but this one really amazes me. My chaachi pointed out to me that if your evil eye bracelets break so soon it means there is something wrong. Alright i would want to believe it but i got it still coz i also love wearing it.

Sometimes when people wish good for you it happens. Its the magic of prayers and words. So if good can happen so can bad. Why take a chance? I strongly feel that we should avoid speaking bad about anybody for that matter. No 'achhe sankskar achhe khayal' shit here but really, it boomerangs. So many times when you speak bad about a person and the person suddenly walks in to the room unexpectedly. Its a signal.

Well as of now i am doting over my evil eye bracelet and not wanting to sleep yet. But i dont wish to sleep at 8.45 am either like i slept today morning. This is by the way my last night's sleep that i got at 8.45 am. I feel mental. Let me try... may be i should read a book... that sure puts me to sleep!

IDEAL, I DEAL

Ideal, would be if i earn more than i can spend. Ideal would be i get married to a rich and handsome boy who loves me to death and treats me like a princess. Ideal would be, that i don't see a day of sorrow in my life and i always be happy. Ideal would be me doing my dream job and ideal would be me sleeping at this ungodly time in the night and punching stupid things on my keyboard. What's ideal? Nothing is... Ideal is such a farce. There is no such thing as 'ideal'.

Everybody wants to live an 'ideal' life. It means, a life that they have thought of, circumstances that their brain has pictured in its head for its own comfort. 'Ideally' it means a big lie that you tell yourself to console your sad upset deprived soul. If its ideal, why doesn't it happen?

So far, anything that i ever thought was 'ideal' in any circumstance would so promptly fail me that it became a joke. Everytime i think of something 'ideal' i automatically know i am being directed to a dream world that does not exist. 'Ideal' is such a dellusion such a sham that preachers have used it as a tool to show you directions to your so called 'ideal' life. Your bosses have used this word to show you your 'ideal' place. Your spouses will time and again remind you how 'ideal' your life is/was/can be. Just the mention of the word 'ideal' and you know in your head that it is all going to be alright! You are such a fool in that case, sorry!

When was the last time this 'ideal' thing happened to you? If it is so ideal then why doesnt it happen in the first place?

Puppy Love

I hear squeeks from a distance and i run towards the sound. I discover a pack of pups all piled on top of each other, eyes barely open yet wide enough to see and recognise the mother. One of the pups was disowned by the mother and she refused to feed it. I stood there watching all of it and suddenly this weakling got kicked out from the pack and it came tumbling down to my feet. I had all the sympathy for this little thing that looked up at me with its tiny little eyes hoping i could help. I gave in to its vulnerability and charm and ran to the closest shop to get some milk. I poured the milk bit by bit on my hand and fed the pup until he was full. His tail was wagging in acknowledgement and joy and i knew i had added a few good karma's to my name. As curiosity took the better of me, i went to check upon it the next day and jammy recognised me. I was thrilled... i got milk from home this day and fed it in a fancy bowl i stole from home. I played with the pup and all his brothers and sisters soon joined in. After a while i saw jammy sitting in one corner and watching all his siblings play with me. I went upto jammy and picked him up high up above my head as far as my hands could stretch and jammy was happy as hell. He had perhaps never seen the world from that high up. He loved it and wanted more, but i had to go. He followed me for a few steps and stood there waiting and hoping i would turn back but i had to go. I came back again next day. Today he was waiting for me or perhaps for the new joy i would bring to his life. I got a ball to play with the puppies and all 7 of them ran over each other, bit each other and snapped each other's tails in the play... jammy again in one corner. I couldnt understand... so i threw the ball at him. He looked at the ball and looked at me and i called out 'Jammy' and he stuck his tongue out instantly. That smile on his face was instantly relaxing. Jammy was happy and we played for another while. Day 4 i was in a tearing hurry as i was late and had no time to look at jammy. I hurried got on to the bus and left. When i turned around i saw jammy at the bus stop crying out... as i moved further away his voice faded. As i moved away i forgot about him totally. Days passed and jammy grew up. We played and the bond grew stronger. One day i got him home and fed him chicked! He had never eaten anything like that before. He was pampered like never before... he was getting the affection he never got from his mother and he was my slave instantly. I went back to leave with the rest of his pack. Well into the night i heard him squeeking again. I opened the door and he was right there. He refused to go. I let him in. But night after night he came to my door and after a point i had to slam the door on his face. He was a stray after all. How could i let a stray, unvaccinated, filthy dog inside my house. I stopped feeding him coz i could possibly not feed him everyday if he kept coming to em only for food. I stopped playing with him bcoz i m no clown. He felt dejected and left alone. He came every day upto me till i boarded the bus and had left. He came every night at my door and cried out for me but i was as cold as i could be. After a few days jammy stopped coming.


I guess he realised there is no value for true self less love in this world. I guess he realised this the harsh way. Sadly he had to go through a heart break to know how it feels to be heartbroken.


We don't value love or pure emotions. If somebody expresses selfless love, we stand to question it. We try and find hidden intentions behind it. We know there has to be some motive behind every emotion displayed. The mind is to think and the heart to love. We should let them perform their respective functions and not let one intrude the other. This pup must have grown up, coz i have in 10 yrs and today i realise how it must have felt to have been treated so badly. I am sure it has forgotten me. I should have let my heart rule me once.

My Cinema - where are you???

Karz Chukana Hai, Anubhav, Ghar Ghar ki Kahani, Jamai Raja, Aakarshan, Commando, Tarzan, Dariya Dil, Akalmand, Khoon bhari Maang, Umar Pachpan ki Dil Bachpan Ka, Jaisi Karni Waisi Bharni, Ameer Aadmi gareeb Aadmi... Ghar ek mandir, Farishtey, Kalyug aur Ramayan... if anybody has seen these movies would value these gems more than modern day ghajini's and dostana's.... Where are you my dear 'ham movies'??? 80's and 90's in my growing up days i have seen the world's trashiest cinema and i say it with utmost pride that i have seen 98% of the movies released during this time. I loved watching all the drama and utter trash that film makers made and we actually had the courage to watch it all. What made these movies really memorable is the melodrama and far from reality characters. The rich girl and poor guy drama, the cruel Mom in law, the sly sister in law who chooses to live with mommy and not the husband, the irritating bachhas of the seedhi saadhi badi bahu, the obidient devarji and the henpecked sasurji who plays nothing but a mute witness to the tyrant sasu's doings.
Yeah the villains who had a takiya qalaam, the side kicks who were always comic and had just one line in the whole movie, the andhi behan and boodhi maa saga, the bimar baap, the hardworking beta who always came first in his BA exam and the entire mohalla would celebrate with him, the munna, the munne ki maa, the gajar ka halwa.... where has it all gone?
The cinema now in being realistic has kinda lost its humour. I am not anti this change.. i love movies irrespective, but this trash was something else. Each and every dialogue was written in a way that it will be remembered for years. When have you last heard in a movie our actors saying ' maa ko chhor de warna...'
'Ek baar jo maine commitment kar di, uske baad to main khud ki bhi nahi sunta'!!!!!!!! Salman... this is what i was waiting for!!!!!!!! This is dhamakedar... i really wish the time from 90's and the cinema and dhinchak music with jhankar beats returns. I remember i owned a cassette of Rangeela with jhankar beats in it and i loved it everytime i played it. I also owned a Tridev cassette with dialogues... i know them all by heart!
I remember having seen this one really shady film Farishtey where sadashiv amrapurkar the villain opens this fancy looking box and pulls out cockroaches and eats them! hahaha imaginative! A film called Tarzan which is embossed in my mind as the most outrageous depiction of mowgli. Kimi katkar the lass meets Hemant birje the monkey boy and *tring* love happens! One scene where i din't know where to look, anywhere but the screen.... when our monkey boy rescues our lass from ze goons and places her on a high rise machaan for safety and suddenly his manhood prompts him to explore our lasses body and the rest is X rated! Nothing to beat this highly creative style of cinema.
Oh this one legandary scene from a Manoj kumar film Clerk where old man ashok kumar has a cardiac and son manoj kumar is chilled as ice! He at his own snail pace takes out a tape and plays on a tape recorder saying this is the cure to my dads heart attack. Our man dying of cardiac suddenly starts marchin in his bed as he is lying down and gets up looking at the numerous NETA posters in his house. First you tell me plis, who puts neta posters in their houses these days... how patriotic he is... and then he marches his cardiac arrest away as if it never existed! Miracle!!!! These happened only in the 80's, then miracles like manoj ji became extinct!

I really can go on and on endlessly but the bottom line is i miss this 'ham' cinema. I miss pure entertainment for the sake of entertainment. No more saas hits the bahu... no more ameer gareeb drama, no more kicking parents out of the house to appropriate the wealth..sigh!

When Life Gives You Lemons

It throws things at you, big sized, small sized, rough, smooth, bitter, more bitter, really sour... and sometimes sweet... ! Most of us don't know what to do with the Lemons that are often thrown at us...

so if life is giving you lemons -

9. open your lemonade stand

8. send it back

7. ask for mangoes, what the heck! have some class.

6. make pickles out of them

5. add to vodka! have a blast!

4. throw back shit!

3. Make lemon tarts from nigella's cook book.

2. say 'wrong delivery', pls knock next door.

1. find someone with another lemon. It takes two for a ball! ;-)

...Zzzzzzz

1.31am: whoof whoof whoof whiiff .... its the sound of the ceiling fan in the absolutely silent night. Every light is off and the bedroom light from flat#207 is penetrating through the darkness trying to light up the sky. In vain... sigh!

The laptop is baking, its been on for the last 3 hours, tideously opening pages and sending msgs to friends. A bottle of water lay there on the bed side waiting to be emptied. A pair of purple osho's thrown aside are on duty, alert! The mobile phone is missing its ring tone. It never lay so dull and listless.

Night! has different facets... one for the ones who sleep and one for the ones who cannot! It has plans for both kinds. Sweet dreams for the former and nightmares for the later. Right now, the sound of the fan is the only sound in the surroundings... its rhytmic almost hypnotic. Staring at it for long can have its own undefined effects on the mind. Sedative or psychic. Depends!

the night... is awake... till i fall asleep...

V.E.T.O

I have just returned from my hometown Indore. After being away from familiar faces and warmth of OUR people i decided to soak myself in some affection, dal baati, garam jalebi and rain and went home for 10days. My friends were perhaps never more excited to see me as they were this time and understandably so coz i am the only one who has ever been part of a film crew from all the people they know closely! I feel proud yes, and i also feel very humbled by the love and affection they showered. Frankly i also loved all the attention i got from my friends this time ;-)

I went to my old office.. (that's where all my friends are still) and Deepta merrily ignored me coz she dint expect me to be there. And also i was roasted 3rd degree for even my family to recognise me. Anyway, she walked past me and dint notice me... and when she did she was overjoyed and surprised. We shouted and screamed and hell broke loose in office. We are both insanely close to 30 now and all this is not usual with 'other people' our age. So we are usually laughed at but who cares! Charu and i still baby talk and our language for 'other people' is a bit far from understandable. We dont care. Our bunch of friends are anywhere between the age of 20 to 25. I know... very young... but that's the latest demographics of this country. We are left wondering where have all the 28-30 year olds gone???

VETO, we refuse to grow up. Every time i meet them i feel i am their age or i haven't grown up yet. We are all alike. I know what will happen when all my friends will meet. I know what would have happened when they recently had a reunion that i unfortunately couldnt attend. Our jokes haven't changed since 1920 and we still laugh at sahu's 1780 crore, danny's funny mails, JD's sad pj's, Pranavs potty jokes, deeptas lack of interest in normal life, charu's desi punches and we all crack up at the mention of each others names! Our jokes have been the same for ages now... i wonder how we still are amused by it.

We are all basically children at heart. We have all refused to grow up and for the world we may look like a mature bunch of achievers but deep down we are all stuck in a time warp that doesn't allow us to age. Its like archies comics... where everybody for the entire life has been 17-22 years old, or may be lesser. We have all crossed the age bar where people look at us as adults. Some of us are married, some have kids as well. But when we are together we are no less than kids!

I dont know if its good or bad to not grow up. I dont know if its odd to not accept your age, coz at heart we are all kids and as they say there is a kid in all of us waiting to get out. I still do things that amaze people around me when that kids comes out suddenly. I break into a dance suddenly may be... i would be obstinate may be at certain occassions... make unreasonable demands... but hey! who cares... we all want to be kids once again for some time atleast in our lives. We all have the same energy and enthusiam as a 20 year old around us would have and which is why perhaps we are friends with them even though we are a whole 2 generations apart!

I do feel a little awkward sometimes when i look around and see there 20 somethings doing things their age demands, saying things they ought to say... i do feel like one old banyan tree amidst all there fresh bunch of roses. I also feel tremendously old when i find myself totally in the company of 20's like i was the only one born in the year i was born, in the whole wide world. So lonely!

We refuse to grow up. We don't even know what growing up is actually. As long as we are happy in each other's company and as long as our zeal for life remains, we decline to grow up.

Impatience: Is not a virtue

@#$* ..... H0NK... BeEp... aaaaaaaaaaarrrghhhhhhh! Nobody has one second to wait. How busy are we? How can we not wait for a split second? We are an impatient country!

We cannot wait in cues... the 15th person in the line has to jump the cue and come first... some annoying illiterate aunty pretending to be highly ignorant of lines and people waiting WILL rightfully jump the cue... traffic signals are a joke in this country... so are traffic police... we will not give the driving test to acquire a license before time... we will reach late to the airport but would make a fuss and jump the line to board your plane in time... we will overtake from all sides possible... right left up and even down to get faster to where we want... we will press the lift button 10 times but the not wait for the lift to come.. and then we will cut the crowd and enter first to stand last in the lift yet get out on the 2nd floor again cutting the crowd... we will refresh our page multiple times but not wait till the net retrieves a broken link. We get fidgety if we are made to wait longer... we yell at each other and we abuse on roads... Patience is certainly not our virtue...

We are an impatient country...!