Today, I returned home at eight
for me, very early...coz i'm usually late.
No no i don't intend to do poetry here
its just that the thot rhymed
Since then, i have been revisiting
My first day at school, when every child was crying, trying to find a face that it can recognise while i sat looking at them...totally amazed.
the day i visited my ancestral village and saw my great grandmother milking cows for the first time. I felt so at home to see vivacious sunflower fields smiling back at me and earthy groundnut plants wishing me good morning! The first time when i actually saw how the night sky looks like.
the day when i first rode my sister on my bicycle. I couldnt believe i will share my whole life with the adorable looking fat doll. When she did sit on my cycle, i tripped n fell off.
the day when i first saw snow caped mountains. i actually saw what majesty means. The warmth i felt in the cold winds and the hot piping maggie that went cold in 5 mins flat. I can still feel the warmth of the hot cup of tea i held in my frozen hands while my body gradually warmed up.
the day when i first went to that shady school in pune and felt so out of place that i wanted to run away. But stayed on without complaining coz my dad stood in the line for half a day to get us admissions in some school to begin with. Everyday in that school was a task...to face those low IQ and low EQ people...
the day when i first danced on a public stage and din't look up at the audience at all and went red in my cheeks when i was applauded and appreciated.
the first day of my singing class when i sang 'saraswati vandana' coz thats the only classical song i knew and my teacher very politely said 'next time when you are asked to sing, i am sure you will have better songs to sing' and from that day on to the state level exam where i don't know how i fared well.
the first day i met my best frend on my bday party she camed dressed in a white frock but i dont remember what i was wearing. We hardly spoke but built a friendship that remains beyond words.
The first time when i came home from school thinking my skirt was too long for anybody to notice me ever. I actually wore a 3inches below knee lenght skirt which eventually came that much above the knees.
the first day when i went to college and whined about how other colleges were better than mine and why daddy won't let me study in DR or Miranda!
the first time i gave any interview, i never thot i would actually look like an ass... Lowe lintas... the woman came drunk to office and i got a culture shock. But later i learnt i was pretty good!
my first day at mirchi where everything was unbelievably fairytale like. A dream job... the best office... fantastic people... i couldnt have asked for more!
my first trip abroad i couldnt stop sniggering in my mind.... i had so much to capture in my memories that i forgot to click pictures.
the first time i lived alone... i felt liberated! I missed my family terribly but the thot of living alone for the longest time excited me. This part of my life taught me a lot.
the first time i wrote something and was acknowledged for it, i felt important. The first time what i had written, got aired, i was elated!
The first time that i went on an impromptu trip and had so much fun that words cannot describe.
the first time i drove my car i was jittery and so heavenly scared that i was sweating profusely. Then on i have scaled miles in my zippy alto... alone and with friends!
the first time i went to a disc, i felt terribly out of place and shabby. Although we were the 'hippest' so to say, crowd in the city, i felt i wasnt meant to be here. The music pierced my ears, the people amazed me, the ambience blinded me. I went with an office bag and a mobile fone. Today its been replaced with a fancy clutch bag and a glass of alchohol.
The first time i felt love... i was so overwhelmed that tears rolled down my eyes. I never thot i would ever feel this emotion after all the lessons in life.
Oh....so much... I am revisiting all of this not becoz they are such awesome memories in my life. I keep praying to God for some good to happen and how i conviniently i forget that he has discreetly given me uncountable such good things. I am revisiting these memories to reassure to myself that i am not really as unfortunate as i think i am. i have good times to live by and some awesome people to live with.
I shouldn't be complaining.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Friday, December 05, 2008
Fidgety days
Am back in Mumbai after the 29th. 5 day lull in my life. I was attending couple of weddings and frankly i enjoyed none! My mind and soul wouldn't let me sit in peace. My heart was in Mumbai, hurt and broken into a thousand pieces.
I was in Indore also for another friend's wedding. Met up with old friends as well thinking i would not think of the tragedy. One friend after 6 years, i was so looking forward to see her... initial joy... sharing our lives and filling each other up wiw the info of the space of 6yrs. I was enjoying every moment. Atleast i'd like to tell myself that... my mind was traversing that space... repeated pictures of the devastation going through my mind one after the other like snapshots of a distant memory, making me nervous, angry, sad, cry. The usual kinetic emotions weren't flowing so easily. I was restrained and i felt terribly guilty later for being so corked up.
I was at a hotel with another set of friends, she and i were already discussing our pain and how the incident hasn't really gotten out of minds and then he joined us too. So now that we were three of us, our thoughts became words and the words grew louder. In many days after the incident i expressed what i was feeling about the entire attack. The only constant emotion i all three of us was immense pain, sorrow for what was happening all around us. He and i were in Mumbai when all this happened...she just saw it all on TV... yet she carried the same agony...the same grouse.
I knew today... my restlessness wasn't unjustified.. or it just wasn't me who was restless... it was her.. him... and many many more like us who stood muted watching it all on TV and wondering what we could do to contribute. My restlessness was due to my inability or the obscurity of my worthiness. I still don't know what i can do to contribute to better the situation and i don't want to feel useless and fidgety.
No i don't intend to join the army all of a sudden nor do i want to be a politician... i am happy being a civilian but what will now make us all different is being 'a responsbile civilian'.
I was called two hours early for a security check at the Mumbai Airport when i was departing on the 29th and so i reached. But to my dismay i wasn't checked the way i was expecting... i stopped by and told one of the gaurds actually that it looked like they were looking for toffees in my bag and not bombs, by the way they frisked it! On the contrary security checks at Indore were surprisingly tight. I was frisked thoroughly, then when the detector picked metal on my belt i was made to show the belt that i was wearing. The lady who frisked me slid her fingers under the belt to doubly ensure am not hiding anything beneath, ran the detector again all over me and only then let me go ahead. My hand bag was opened thrice from the gate till i boarded which is also not a regular sight. I had to compliment them for being so alert for an airport that doesnt even ace threats from wild boars.
In my capacity, thats the least i can do... be tolerant and not complaint about the endless lines for extra safety! Each one of us can let the forces do their jobs and help them actually by cooperating. I am perturbed even today but i know i will find a way to contribute. Atleast i know now what was making me restless. Me and my friends have decided, anything that takes to build a better future, we shall do! None of us want to see a world where every step we take falls over a life sacrificed, every breathe we take smells of grenades and gunshots, every sight blurred by the dust of shelling, every bed itching of riffles under pillows and refills under mattresses. Lets do something... enough is written and said defaming every debacle of the system. Its really time that we ACT and NOW!!!
I was in Indore also for another friend's wedding. Met up with old friends as well thinking i would not think of the tragedy. One friend after 6 years, i was so looking forward to see her... initial joy... sharing our lives and filling each other up wiw the info of the space of 6yrs. I was enjoying every moment. Atleast i'd like to tell myself that... my mind was traversing that space... repeated pictures of the devastation going through my mind one after the other like snapshots of a distant memory, making me nervous, angry, sad, cry. The usual kinetic emotions weren't flowing so easily. I was restrained and i felt terribly guilty later for being so corked up.
I was at a hotel with another set of friends, she and i were already discussing our pain and how the incident hasn't really gotten out of minds and then he joined us too. So now that we were three of us, our thoughts became words and the words grew louder. In many days after the incident i expressed what i was feeling about the entire attack. The only constant emotion i all three of us was immense pain, sorrow for what was happening all around us. He and i were in Mumbai when all this happened...she just saw it all on TV... yet she carried the same agony...the same grouse.
I knew today... my restlessness wasn't unjustified.. or it just wasn't me who was restless... it was her.. him... and many many more like us who stood muted watching it all on TV and wondering what we could do to contribute. My restlessness was due to my inability or the obscurity of my worthiness. I still don't know what i can do to contribute to better the situation and i don't want to feel useless and fidgety.
No i don't intend to join the army all of a sudden nor do i want to be a politician... i am happy being a civilian but what will now make us all different is being 'a responsbile civilian'.
I was called two hours early for a security check at the Mumbai Airport when i was departing on the 29th and so i reached. But to my dismay i wasn't checked the way i was expecting... i stopped by and told one of the gaurds actually that it looked like they were looking for toffees in my bag and not bombs, by the way they frisked it! On the contrary security checks at Indore were surprisingly tight. I was frisked thoroughly, then when the detector picked metal on my belt i was made to show the belt that i was wearing. The lady who frisked me slid her fingers under the belt to doubly ensure am not hiding anything beneath, ran the detector again all over me and only then let me go ahead. My hand bag was opened thrice from the gate till i boarded which is also not a regular sight. I had to compliment them for being so alert for an airport that doesnt even ace threats from wild boars.
In my capacity, thats the least i can do... be tolerant and not complaint about the endless lines for extra safety! Each one of us can let the forces do their jobs and help them actually by cooperating. I am perturbed even today but i know i will find a way to contribute. Atleast i know now what was making me restless. Me and my friends have decided, anything that takes to build a better future, we shall do! None of us want to see a world where every step we take falls over a life sacrificed, every breathe we take smells of grenades and gunshots, every sight blurred by the dust of shelling, every bed itching of riffles under pillows and refills under mattresses. Lets do something... enough is written and said defaming every debacle of the system. Its really time that we ACT and NOW!!!
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
49-O
Got this on my email last night... am sure many of you have already...
49-O in Constitution of India
Did you know that there is a system in our constitution, as per the 1969
act, in section " 49-O" that a person can go to the polling booth, confirm
his identity, get his finger marked and convey the presiding election
officer that he doesn't want to vote anyone!
Yes this feature is available, but obviously our leaders have never
disclosed it....
This is called "49-O".
Why should you go and say " I VOTE NOBODY"... because, in a ward, if a
candidate wins, say by 123 votes, and that particular ward has received
"49-O" votes more than 123, then that polling will be cancelled and will
have to be re-polled. Not only that, but the candidature of the contestants
will be removed and they cannot contest the re-polling, since people had
already expressed their decision on them.
This would bring fear into parties and hence look for genuine candidates
for their parties for election. This would change the way; of our whole
political system....... it is seemingly surprising why the election
commission has not revealed such a feature to the public....
Seems to be a wonderful weapon against corrupt parties in India ... show
your power, expressing your desire not to vote for anybody, is even more
powerful than voting.... so don't miss your chance. So either vote, or vote
not to vote (vote 49-O)
Use your voting right for a better INDIA....
49-O in Constitution of India
Did you know that there is a system in our constitution, as per the 1969
act, in section " 49-O" that a person can go to the polling booth, confirm
his identity, get his finger marked and convey the presiding election
officer that he doesn't want to vote anyone!
Yes this feature is available, but obviously our leaders have never
disclosed it....
This is called "49-O".
Why should you go and say " I VOTE NOBODY"... because, in a ward, if a
candidate wins, say by 123 votes, and that particular ward has received
"49-O" votes more than 123, then that polling will be cancelled and will
have to be re-polled. Not only that, but the candidature of the contestants
will be removed and they cannot contest the re-polling, since people had
already expressed their decision on them.
This would bring fear into parties and hence look for genuine candidates
for their parties for election. This would change the way; of our whole
political system....... it is seemingly surprising why the election
commission has not revealed such a feature to the public....
Seems to be a wonderful weapon against corrupt parties in India ... show
your power, expressing your desire not to vote for anybody, is even more
powerful than voting.... so don't miss your chance. So either vote, or vote
not to vote (vote 49-O)
Use your voting right for a better INDIA....
Section 23 - The Breach of Trust
'Don’t worry about those who came through the boats.... Our forces can defeat them. Worry about those who come through votes... those are the REAL enemies.'
My ex-boss sent this message. It has only reinforced the fact in my mind that we are a 'Hollow Nation' and our leaders are incapable of even handling the fights in their own minds let alone the country.
We are enraged, furious and demanding answers to our questions that have been suppressed inside for many years. The under current is strong and this charged mob can do anything now to 'get' answers to their questions anyhow.
We elect you, we entrust you with our safety our security and our lives only to realise in the end that our trust in you was played with. Elections after elections, promises after promises we have only heard bulls&%t and sadly, we have taken it as well. But mind it, we had no other option but to believe what was promised to us. Callous, is a measly word to define the 'leaders' today. The shameless parties can find publicity agenda in the blasts is commendable. Ads appear the very next day in newspaper using the blasts and maligning opposing parties on ‘how they couldn’t avert the danger and how unsafe they made the country’. Haven’t we seen all of them take the same oaths and yet not live up to the promises?
I am scared to venture out even in broad day light today in my own country, thanks to all of you who promised to give me a safer city and couldn’t. When I look at all the newscasts on the blasts nearly 7 days after the first firing, I feel we have had immense grit and resilience to have not shown our anger the way it is pent up inside us. The day the 1,129,866,154 people in India decide to rip you mere 100 politicians off your ‘authority’ you will have no place to hide.
How many more blasts and terrorist attacks do you need to prove to yourself that you are nincompoop good for nothings. The official retirement age is 60, which means once is incapable mentally and physically, of taking decisions and running office. But our system only allows people of that age to run the country. I question everybody here…why??? Aren’t young minds fit to handle the country? How dare you make remarks like ‘powder lipstick laga ke kaisa aandolan’ and ‘kutta bhi nahi poochta?’… I am so glad that the ‘prize money’ sent by X leader was returned on their face! We are not going to gulp every accident down our throats anymore, thinking it was a one off. We, the country are united today…against the politicians.
I do not want to vote for anybody this year till I am assured that a leader fit enough to lead the country will be elected. I will not vote till I am assured that my country is in safe hands. I am angry and antagonized because my trust is shaken today. You may take Rs. 600 million to resurrect The Taj Mahal Hotel, fill in men you have lost to re-build you forces… But tell me how are you going to bring back the faith we have lost in you?
This country needs answers…. NOW! I boycott elections till then... if my one vote matters at all!
My ex-boss sent this message. It has only reinforced the fact in my mind that we are a 'Hollow Nation' and our leaders are incapable of even handling the fights in their own minds let alone the country.
We are enraged, furious and demanding answers to our questions that have been suppressed inside for many years. The under current is strong and this charged mob can do anything now to 'get' answers to their questions anyhow.
We elect you, we entrust you with our safety our security and our lives only to realise in the end that our trust in you was played with. Elections after elections, promises after promises we have only heard bulls&%t and sadly, we have taken it as well. But mind it, we had no other option but to believe what was promised to us. Callous, is a measly word to define the 'leaders' today. The shameless parties can find publicity agenda in the blasts is commendable. Ads appear the very next day in newspaper using the blasts and maligning opposing parties on ‘how they couldn’t avert the danger and how unsafe they made the country’. Haven’t we seen all of them take the same oaths and yet not live up to the promises?
I am scared to venture out even in broad day light today in my own country, thanks to all of you who promised to give me a safer city and couldn’t. When I look at all the newscasts on the blasts nearly 7 days after the first firing, I feel we have had immense grit and resilience to have not shown our anger the way it is pent up inside us. The day the 1,129,866,154 people in India decide to rip you mere 100 politicians off your ‘authority’ you will have no place to hide.
How many more blasts and terrorist attacks do you need to prove to yourself that you are nincompoop good for nothings. The official retirement age is 60, which means once is incapable mentally and physically, of taking decisions and running office. But our system only allows people of that age to run the country. I question everybody here…why??? Aren’t young minds fit to handle the country? How dare you make remarks like ‘powder lipstick laga ke kaisa aandolan’ and ‘kutta bhi nahi poochta?’… I am so glad that the ‘prize money’ sent by X leader was returned on their face! We are not going to gulp every accident down our throats anymore, thinking it was a one off. We, the country are united today…against the politicians.
I do not want to vote for anybody this year till I am assured that a leader fit enough to lead the country will be elected. I will not vote till I am assured that my country is in safe hands. I am angry and antagonized because my trust is shaken today. You may take Rs. 600 million to resurrect The Taj Mahal Hotel, fill in men you have lost to re-build you forces… But tell me how are you going to bring back the faith we have lost in you?
This country needs answers…. NOW! I boycott elections till then... if my one vote matters at all!
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