It’s the people who make life worth living for. And there are so many of them with such a variety of personalities within them that they can never cease to amuse you. In the past two months I have met a so many people. So similar yet to distinct. In a matter of just few days this acquaintance grew into a bond that will remain for a lifetime. However big or small their stature on the set is, everybody has a role to play. Many of whom are sardonically useless too! Only on a film set will you ever get to know 100 people at once! The gaffers, the spot boys, the junior artists, the coordinators… faces and people who I will always remember…
Sajid: my director. You’d be a fool to be around him and not learn anything. He is cynical, people have perceptions about him, he is in your face and honest to the extent of being rude.. he is Sajid! We have exchanged very few words but passively I have learnt the most from him.
Vik Sir: He is the man behind those incredible shots. He makes them all look so good. And he made it all look really easy as well. He has taken the brunt of my work most yet has been kind enough to not deter me ever. I don’t think a person of his stature would ever spend so much time teaching a new comer like me her job. I was stunned to see him walk up to the DJ console and jive for he is otherwise so serious. Great to have been worked with a maverick like him.
Anshai: my chief AD. He is composed, well most times! He knows a lot, he knows his job well and he is good at it. He has silently stood by me, fought for me and fought with me as well, but at the end we have had a blast together!
Ali: Very diligent, assiduous and super fun. He belongs to a different school of thoughts, but that school surely has some good teachers. He has been patient with me and yet driven me nuts at times when he would call me off work and pose in front of my camera! I have more pics of him in my camera than my own!
Avni: she is young and an atomic bomb of energy. We would all sink deep into our beds after a 12 hour long shoot and this little one would still have the energy to dress up and party all night. She has shopped at all possible places in London when we couldn’t even manage to shop for our dailies. She has learnt London tubes like she would be living there forever and she has eaten at ping pong more than the owner himself would eat there! We have had rough arguments on set yet some fond memories that will never evade from my shoot, I share with her.
Rohini: I thought, a chik Camera Assistant! And she proved me wrong… glad I am. I saw her picking heavy light equipment and moving around camera stands and kino’s and thought this frail young girl has a lot of muscle. She and I shared a common passion for food and that is what got us together. Our pack was beginning to shape up. We have hung out everyday almost. We ate food together on set however bad it was. We shopped together and we loved every bit of it. I found a very good friend in her in no time.
Momo: is more madness. She is on ecstasy all the time. She looks doped out to people or that is what she wants people to perceive of her. The one chik who shared common passion for life apart from Rohini was Momo. Her dance moves that Avni so loves ;-) her eating habits that Rohini so hates ;-) her piercing that everybody so talks about ;-) OMG she is mad! Rohini Momo and I could inverte London with our madness.
Niki: Niki is the loudest among us all. But that's becoz of her enthusiasm for anything! She can give you an impression of being submissive, but you should see her at work. Aggressive is her second name. She cannot speak hindi, she got detained once for her Kenyan passport, he has lived in Canada for 8 yrs and calls Toronto 'Trono' for some strange reason and can easily get away as a 20 yr old! Niki you are absolute fun!
Claude: he would talk less but always talk sense. Initially he would give me tips on my clap and that really helped me. Then he gave me advice on how to behave on set and helped me too! His advice has never failed. His wise cracks would go over my head. He was omnipresent. He was the only guy on set with a license to hold up a shot! Everytime we were all ready, he would come with his little light meter and count numbers minus 4, 2.8, +5-4… he was the villain of the film like Akshay said! Always popping at the wrong time! I have not seen Claude ever sit on the set.
Deepakji: I have annoyed him the most! Deepakji slate le lo… deepakji clap aa raha hai ke nahi? Deepakji ye deepakji woh! He was unperturbed… always absorbed in his work. One other person who would constantly be on his feet with the walky-talky in his ears giving him instructions and deepakji following it like an subservient child. He taught me lenses, he taught me how to clap without bugging anyone ;-) He has been a great support on set for me without whom I would have lost my job in two days!
Shaunak: I have grown fonder of him during our London visit. I couldn’t sleep that one night I fought with him. He is total ladies man and at work the busiest among all. But he really works hard. We see him working hard for what he wants to be and at this rate you will get there sooner than you blink Shauny! He is a darling and will remain forever.
Nazar: he was shooting the making I felt like shooting him down every time he would occupy my place near the camera! He is the reason why I said ‘end slap’!!! He is the reason why I called out numbers wrongly many times. He is the only one who laughs on his jokes. Yet I adore him.
Raju Bhai: our spot boy. Very very experienced and has taken care of me like his I were his own daughter. I do not know or wish to know what his intentions were but he never made me feel homesick. I would get tea whenever I asked for it, he would keep choco chip cookies for me, he told me stories of people he worked with and just listening to it was delightful.
Micky: he was our dolly boy who did not have many friends on set I observed. He would keep to himself and a few people around. But he was immensely fond of me. He got me chocolates, marshmallows and cider! He even got me a hamburger once! He is a rockstar really! He had his own rock band where he played the guitar, rode on a lambretta with flared jeans and long hair… hahaha… super cool!
Ricky: my radio man. I have not seen him frown even one day. He would always greet me with a warm smile and a heavy burden of 4 walky-talky’s for each one of us ADs. His energy from beginning to end of the shoot was the same. So good to know you as a friend.
Sue: This woman is what I want to be when I become 40. She is so full of energy that she can put a 16 year old to shame. She drove Akshay to set and did multiple other things that I could never grasp. She has 2 sons who are more friends than kids to her. You’re a cool woman and no pretence!
Lee: umm, the date is still due! Such a player, he promised every girl on the set to take out on a date but never did. This ex-shippie is an incorrigible flirt and you cannot ignore him really. Our local line producer who speaks hindi and would put us all in splits instantly. His favorite target ajay, avni and me! Super smart and super good at his work, Lee is a killer guy!
Ajay: He is one person who has never been stressed on set however big the set up is. He would always be smiling and his smile would piss the hell out of my director but he wouldn’t sweat even one bit. Ajay would come out with e uncanny one liners and leave me amused. I love his sketches and looking at him one wouldn’t ever guess he would sketch so well. He is an absolute delight to be around with and work with.
Ritiesh’s gang: Nitin 1, Nitin 2, Kamal and Vinod are madcaps. The only star gang that I found fantastic. They are all super fun people and really good friends.
Boman sir: He is a gem really. The one day I spent 20 minutes chatting with him made me grow fond of him. Thorough gentleman, so humble and down to earth and so warm! He is fantastic on screen we all know but he is even better as a human being.
Few of the many people who made work seem so easy and so much fun. I can never thank them enough for just having been a part of my learning curve. I hope to cross paths with them sometime soon and show them proudly how much of a difference they made to me as a person.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
London Good Bye!
Stars in my eyes, anxiety in the mind, a lump of nervousness in the throat and fast track heartbeat when my feet touched the ground at London Heathrow airport. Some forty of us making our way out of the airport and the chaos to sort our luggage. Some known and some unknown faces waiting to be introduced. We were gona be each other’s world for the next 50 days. We were looking at each other scrutinizing and judging personalities. It’s like wedding jitters; this anxiety was.
We met again on the day of the shoot. Each face had a distinct emotion strongly reflecting on it. Experience, confidence, over confidence, nerves, relief or simple stress… I could sense every face giving out the exact detail of what the mind was going through. Shot after shot as we finished one scene for the day the expressions changed. It was like a barrage of emotions all around me. Gradually as familiarity grew in, the emotions became personal and they communicated a lot more than just the heartfelt. Some faces grew fonder some distant and some only exist. I was told that you get sick of people after 50 days of seeing each other 24x7. But the welcoming smiles haven’t disappeared even after 30 days of toiling in the weird London weather.
Waking up at 4am and leaving for shoots at 6am has become a part of live, however annoying it is everyday. I hate the alarm every time it goes up to wake me up. I slap to shut it like I will kill it. I hate the warmth of my duvet because it doesn’t let me step out of my bed. I hate the thought of not being able to steal some sleep with a fear of being late and left behind. Yet I love every bit of this madness. I love the idea of waking up everyday to a new day of shoot. I love my work!
Its not the fun of being abroad in a different country, it’s the fun of doing something so creative and fulfilling with the added bonus of working in another country and to be able to experience something so incredible that excites me. I have met new people, made new friends, bitched, gossiped endlessly about anybody random, tried to find some solace in the midst of this madness in vain and learnt something new everyday. Life cannot be better!
Every time we got some time to ourselves we would run at the first opportunity to shop or roam around. We lived on Oxford street for 2 months and began referring to our hotel room as ‘home’. Nothing more disastrous than that can happen to anyone ever that you call a hotel your home! We all know every nook and corner of Marble Arch and Oxford like the gali in our locality. Oxford street was residence. Leicester Square, Piccadilly Sq, London Bridge, London eye, Big Ben are no more things we saw in movies or postcards or facebook pics of other people for that matter. It is now familiar, known and traversed. We have treaded all the paths of Leicester and all the lanes that took us to a good pub and good music. Camden market is Hill road, I can proclaim proudly today!
We all came with a ‘to do in London’ list and it feels so good to strike of one after the other ‘things we did in London!’ The only one thing I couldn’t do which I will regret is cycling around the lanes here. As I bid adieu to London I feel there is nothing in this life that you wish for and you do not get. I got what I wished for, and I shall never stop wishing!
We met again on the day of the shoot. Each face had a distinct emotion strongly reflecting on it. Experience, confidence, over confidence, nerves, relief or simple stress… I could sense every face giving out the exact detail of what the mind was going through. Shot after shot as we finished one scene for the day the expressions changed. It was like a barrage of emotions all around me. Gradually as familiarity grew in, the emotions became personal and they communicated a lot more than just the heartfelt. Some faces grew fonder some distant and some only exist. I was told that you get sick of people after 50 days of seeing each other 24x7. But the welcoming smiles haven’t disappeared even after 30 days of toiling in the weird London weather.
Waking up at 4am and leaving for shoots at 6am has become a part of live, however annoying it is everyday. I hate the alarm every time it goes up to wake me up. I slap to shut it like I will kill it. I hate the warmth of my duvet because it doesn’t let me step out of my bed. I hate the thought of not being able to steal some sleep with a fear of being late and left behind. Yet I love every bit of this madness. I love the idea of waking up everyday to a new day of shoot. I love my work!
Its not the fun of being abroad in a different country, it’s the fun of doing something so creative and fulfilling with the added bonus of working in another country and to be able to experience something so incredible that excites me. I have met new people, made new friends, bitched, gossiped endlessly about anybody random, tried to find some solace in the midst of this madness in vain and learnt something new everyday. Life cannot be better!
Every time we got some time to ourselves we would run at the first opportunity to shop or roam around. We lived on Oxford street for 2 months and began referring to our hotel room as ‘home’. Nothing more disastrous than that can happen to anyone ever that you call a hotel your home! We all know every nook and corner of Marble Arch and Oxford like the gali in our locality. Oxford street was residence. Leicester Square, Piccadilly Sq, London Bridge, London eye, Big Ben are no more things we saw in movies or postcards or facebook pics of other people for that matter. It is now familiar, known and traversed. We have treaded all the paths of Leicester and all the lanes that took us to a good pub and good music. Camden market is Hill road, I can proclaim proudly today!
We all came with a ‘to do in London’ list and it feels so good to strike of one after the other ‘things we did in London!’ The only one thing I couldn’t do which I will regret is cycling around the lanes here. As I bid adieu to London I feel there is nothing in this life that you wish for and you do not get. I got what I wished for, and I shall never stop wishing!
Monday, August 10, 2009
Two and a Half Hours of Magic
50 days of madness, chaos, fun and ass ripping hardwork for a 2.5 hour cinematic experience. Am only half way through it yet. 25 days into this madness and i am loving every bit of it. The surroundings have absorbed me fully as i have let them flow in my veins along with my blood. Everything, from running around giving actors their scenes for tomorrow to holding their chai cups to giving clap and getting flaked for everything! Life is fun here..
Rotten as hell is an understatement to describe the first day of work. I was shaking... so much had been filled into my head about clap and the whole set feel that i was NERVOUS in capital letter, underlined and bold in 72 size font. There was akshay kumar, ritesh and lara right in front of me and a bunch of scrutinizing eyes in my own team who would evaluate my aptitude in that one day of work. The first clap was given by Sajid sir's mother. When my turn came, my throat dried and hands went cold. I do not know what i spoke but i was pretty sure it was all wrong. So the 3 giants who stood behind my clap knew the very instant that either i was new or totally foolish. Nonetheless, i had a job on hand and i was on a mission! Everybody on set is senior to me even if they are 19yrs old... so i got gyan from all directions. Well, for people who know me, multiple instructions confuse me to death. So my state of mind need not be further explained!
Day two and three were worse coz new situations arrived and i had to learn faster than a child. I was losing it... but finally i felt myself absorbing everything around me. I picked up pace and clap has become synonymous to me! Atleast i think so....
Film making, has aspects that i had never known as an audience. The amount of hardwork and effort that goes into making even the trashiest movie is incredible. Nobody thinks they are making trash so put in less effort. Every shot is lit up like 'this is the shot that will make the movie'! Every scene is performed like 'an oscar performance'. Not a penny less... So i know now when ever i trashed a movie saying 'kyu banayi aisi picture' i was disrespecting the efforts put in by the 100 people on the crew for whom the film was a blockbuster in the making. I will now think of the gaffers who hold lights in rain, sun and blistering cold just to make that shot look perfect. I will think of the spot boys who wake up 2 hours earlier than us just to ensure that we are comfortable at shoot and everything is in place. I will think of the actors who eveng after all the many luxuries they enjoy, come to early morning shoots and stay up late to finish a scene. I will think of all the AD's who work their asses off to ensure the back bone of the film doesn't crumble.
I have lots to share... although i miss home and miss my people... i miss blogging whenever and whatever... but this work keeps me going... everyday is a new learning for me... and yet i am only half way through this film. What we do and what you see is pure magic... and i am learning the tricks of this trade by the day.
Rotten as hell is an understatement to describe the first day of work. I was shaking... so much had been filled into my head about clap and the whole set feel that i was NERVOUS in capital letter, underlined and bold in 72 size font. There was akshay kumar, ritesh and lara right in front of me and a bunch of scrutinizing eyes in my own team who would evaluate my aptitude in that one day of work. The first clap was given by Sajid sir's mother. When my turn came, my throat dried and hands went cold. I do not know what i spoke but i was pretty sure it was all wrong. So the 3 giants who stood behind my clap knew the very instant that either i was new or totally foolish. Nonetheless, i had a job on hand and i was on a mission! Everybody on set is senior to me even if they are 19yrs old... so i got gyan from all directions. Well, for people who know me, multiple instructions confuse me to death. So my state of mind need not be further explained!
Day two and three were worse coz new situations arrived and i had to learn faster than a child. I was losing it... but finally i felt myself absorbing everything around me. I picked up pace and clap has become synonymous to me! Atleast i think so....
Film making, has aspects that i had never known as an audience. The amount of hardwork and effort that goes into making even the trashiest movie is incredible. Nobody thinks they are making trash so put in less effort. Every shot is lit up like 'this is the shot that will make the movie'! Every scene is performed like 'an oscar performance'. Not a penny less... So i know now when ever i trashed a movie saying 'kyu banayi aisi picture' i was disrespecting the efforts put in by the 100 people on the crew for whom the film was a blockbuster in the making. I will now think of the gaffers who hold lights in rain, sun and blistering cold just to make that shot look perfect. I will think of the spot boys who wake up 2 hours earlier than us just to ensure that we are comfortable at shoot and everything is in place. I will think of the actors who eveng after all the many luxuries they enjoy, come to early morning shoots and stay up late to finish a scene. I will think of all the AD's who work their asses off to ensure the back bone of the film doesn't crumble.
I have lots to share... although i miss home and miss my people... i miss blogging whenever and whatever... but this work keeps me going... everyday is a new learning for me... and yet i am only half way through this film. What we do and what you see is pure magic... and i am learning the tricks of this trade by the day.
Tuesday, July 07, 2009
Things i haven't done in a long time
As we transverse through time, so many things are left undone, so many desires are left unfulfilled and so many pictures remain un-colored. And when we look back in time we wish we could spare out a little more time to do what we really loved doing and regret about not having done it. There is frankly never an appropriate time to do anything that makes you happy. We all wait for an opportune time which never comes and all that we had just passes by as we watch helplessly. Today just this urge of doing things i miss doing or i have missed doing makes me write this list of the mad and wild things i haven't done in a long time. I am sure a lot of people like me will be grinning at most points on this list. So let's start -
1. Soaking in the rain - i don't remember the last time when i got drenched in the rain. The first shower was an event in our lives as children. We all ran out of our houses to soak in the cold rain that not only washed the body but rejuvenated the soul. The rains were a reason to celebrate. Last time i guess i got soaked was in Indore on our office terrace. Exactly 5 years ago...I miss running out and getting wet in the rain like a child.
2. Girl Fun - in the longest time i have not had girl fun with my girl gang. last year i went out with my sisters to hard rock cafe and had a blast. Got on the table and danced like a mad woman and got drunk n all that... but i was conscious still coz my jeeja was with us.. but that dint stop me from having fun.. restricted fun! An all girl gang fun is totally different!
3. Dance like no one's watching - for all who know me well know that's how i dance. To a lot of people i look stoned when i dance.. but dance to me is trance and in the longest time i haven't danced like this... i miss dancing to myself.. loosing myself to dance!
4. Laugh until i cry - this is something i have forgotten long back. Now laughter and tears have become two separate entities that roll out on their own. Their companionship has been divided by glee and stress. I am yearning to laugh and laugh until tears roll down my cheeks. Lot os uf laugh like that... this friend of mine would laugh so much that one day her eyes shut and she fell off the chair! Her jaw started hurting and she skipped dinner because she couldn't chew. No kidding, really! Been a long time...
5. Wander - In college we did this a lot. Wander aimlessly without an agenda for the day. We hung out at satyam, pvr of all sorts, ashok vihar market, CP, behind our college... or just about anywhere... we ate, shared jokes, bitched and went back home... pure bliss sometimes to be not doing anything... for the past 8 years i dont remember one day where i haven't done anything... everyday has been an agenda...even off days are meant for laundary and cleaning up and repair work and all that jazz... this one day of just wandering has gone missing...
6. Bicycle - Hmph... the last time i cycled was in Mandav on our outbound... 16kms... treasure hunt and it was maddening. I love cycling... it gives me a sense of freedom and i love it when the wind blows on my face and tickles my hair away from my face. I use to skip the school bus and cycle my way to school without my parents knowing until my dad found out and followed me one day to see how well i rode. Since then i have been the champ of my house! But i haven't cycled for the longest time. Mandav when i did, i cycled after some 10 yrs. its been 4 years since i last sat on a bicycle.
7. Impulse reactions - Although i am not impulsive and would seldom do anything unplanned, impulses give me a kick anyhow. It's like spirit or ecstasy that gives you just that required amount of kick! I remember in Jaipur on Rakhi, pankaj and i set out for a drive... we picked shilpi on our way and headed to jaipur-delhi highway and our plan was to eat at a dhaba and go return home late in the night. But post a sudden impulse, we just detoured to Alwar. At midnight we were driving past dense Sariska forests and glaring at our faces were Cheetals, wild boars, neelgai and animals of the dark... at one point Pankaj decided to stop the car in the middle of the forest and swtiched the headlights off. The silence of the jungle sounded like music to us. We could see tiny sparkling eyes from the bushes and after a few seconds fear grabbed our mind and we drove away. The thrill for those 5 secs was immense. The impulse drove us to Moniya's house in Alwar where we reached at 1am and made her mom cook for us! We drover her back at 5am to reach office at 10! Was never done something so mad after that!
We tend to ignore our space and small joys of life for bigger ones. I don't know how justified it is. It may be the need of that time to let go of your personal joys for something else, but i am sure there is a time when you can forego something else for your personal pleasure. We remember these small things and then miss not having done it before. Take out time, do something you like doing, every week. Just an hour every week ...
1. Soaking in the rain - i don't remember the last time when i got drenched in the rain. The first shower was an event in our lives as children. We all ran out of our houses to soak in the cold rain that not only washed the body but rejuvenated the soul. The rains were a reason to celebrate. Last time i guess i got soaked was in Indore on our office terrace. Exactly 5 years ago...I miss running out and getting wet in the rain like a child.
2. Girl Fun - in the longest time i have not had girl fun with my girl gang. last year i went out with my sisters to hard rock cafe and had a blast. Got on the table and danced like a mad woman and got drunk n all that... but i was conscious still coz my jeeja was with us.. but that dint stop me from having fun.. restricted fun! An all girl gang fun is totally different!
3. Dance like no one's watching - for all who know me well know that's how i dance. To a lot of people i look stoned when i dance.. but dance to me is trance and in the longest time i haven't danced like this... i miss dancing to myself.. loosing myself to dance!
4. Laugh until i cry - this is something i have forgotten long back. Now laughter and tears have become two separate entities that roll out on their own. Their companionship has been divided by glee and stress. I am yearning to laugh and laugh until tears roll down my cheeks. Lot os uf laugh like that... this friend of mine would laugh so much that one day her eyes shut and she fell off the chair! Her jaw started hurting and she skipped dinner because she couldn't chew. No kidding, really! Been a long time...
5. Wander - In college we did this a lot. Wander aimlessly without an agenda for the day. We hung out at satyam, pvr of all sorts, ashok vihar market, CP, behind our college... or just about anywhere... we ate, shared jokes, bitched and went back home... pure bliss sometimes to be not doing anything... for the past 8 years i dont remember one day where i haven't done anything... everyday has been an agenda...even off days are meant for laundary and cleaning up and repair work and all that jazz... this one day of just wandering has gone missing...
6. Bicycle - Hmph... the last time i cycled was in Mandav on our outbound... 16kms... treasure hunt and it was maddening. I love cycling... it gives me a sense of freedom and i love it when the wind blows on my face and tickles my hair away from my face. I use to skip the school bus and cycle my way to school without my parents knowing until my dad found out and followed me one day to see how well i rode. Since then i have been the champ of my house! But i haven't cycled for the longest time. Mandav when i did, i cycled after some 10 yrs. its been 4 years since i last sat on a bicycle.
7. Impulse reactions - Although i am not impulsive and would seldom do anything unplanned, impulses give me a kick anyhow. It's like spirit or ecstasy that gives you just that required amount of kick! I remember in Jaipur on Rakhi, pankaj and i set out for a drive... we picked shilpi on our way and headed to jaipur-delhi highway and our plan was to eat at a dhaba and go return home late in the night. But post a sudden impulse, we just detoured to Alwar. At midnight we were driving past dense Sariska forests and glaring at our faces were Cheetals, wild boars, neelgai and animals of the dark... at one point Pankaj decided to stop the car in the middle of the forest and swtiched the headlights off. The silence of the jungle sounded like music to us. We could see tiny sparkling eyes from the bushes and after a few seconds fear grabbed our mind and we drove away. The thrill for those 5 secs was immense. The impulse drove us to Moniya's house in Alwar where we reached at 1am and made her mom cook for us! We drover her back at 5am to reach office at 10! Was never done something so mad after that!
We tend to ignore our space and small joys of life for bigger ones. I don't know how justified it is. It may be the need of that time to let go of your personal joys for something else, but i am sure there is a time when you can forego something else for your personal pleasure. We remember these small things and then miss not having done it before. Take out time, do something you like doing, every week. Just an hour every week ...
Monday, July 06, 2009
Chicken Shit
Devdas, all of the four that were made have been superhits. Devdas the novel itself was much acclaimed. Devdas, the story of a drunkard loser who weaves a world of sorry around himself and drowns his sorrow in spirit. Sorry that he gave to himself, grief that he created himself in his life. A man so cowardly that he never had courage to face the world for mistakes he did and others paid for or even confess his love to his lady only to see her marry off to someone else! Devdas to me was a wuss.
He glorified his pain and pulled everybody around him in it. The turbulent whirlpool of sadness is only centrifugal. The pathos is never for the other person, it always stems from self. Devdas died thinking that grief was larger than the other persons. His grief was so morbid that he doomed everybody who ever got associated with him. He blamed everybody else for his state of mind, state of life and could never fight back because he was a wuss.
People who hide their faces in a blanket of sadness and gloom can never live life. Their perspective towards life is dark and somber. Their eyes are perpetually filled with tears that diffuse the beautiful picture of life. Their heads are fuzzed up by depressing thoughts that only lead them to doomsday! Their curve on the face is forever inverted and viens strained. How can one remain happy around a person like that? Everybody suffers pain and troubles in life. No one persons trouble is greater than the others' because we all live different lives with as many different problems each big for each of us. Like i always say, every problem has a solution and the gravity of the problem is inversely proportional to the way it is dealt with. The better you deal with it smaller the problems become! Sadness is never life, its a phase of life. Hence, it has to pass. Sadness is never the problem, it is the emotional outcome of a problem.
Devdas never lived his life, he existed and eventually perished. There are more than one like him for whom sympathy, self pity and sadness is way of life. To them pain needs to be glorified and to me, all their emotional trash is totally chicken shit! A man is the one who fights back, rest all are vegetables. A man is the one who can snatch every single iota of joy that he can possibly sieze. A man is the one who can reclaim his life and rise like a phoenix. A man to me is the one who cares not about phases of life but cares about people and beyond self. A man to me will never tag 'chicken shit' alongside his name!
He glorified his pain and pulled everybody around him in it. The turbulent whirlpool of sadness is only centrifugal. The pathos is never for the other person, it always stems from self. Devdas died thinking that grief was larger than the other persons. His grief was so morbid that he doomed everybody who ever got associated with him. He blamed everybody else for his state of mind, state of life and could never fight back because he was a wuss.
People who hide their faces in a blanket of sadness and gloom can never live life. Their perspective towards life is dark and somber. Their eyes are perpetually filled with tears that diffuse the beautiful picture of life. Their heads are fuzzed up by depressing thoughts that only lead them to doomsday! Their curve on the face is forever inverted and viens strained. How can one remain happy around a person like that? Everybody suffers pain and troubles in life. No one persons trouble is greater than the others' because we all live different lives with as many different problems each big for each of us. Like i always say, every problem has a solution and the gravity of the problem is inversely proportional to the way it is dealt with. The better you deal with it smaller the problems become! Sadness is never life, its a phase of life. Hence, it has to pass. Sadness is never the problem, it is the emotional outcome of a problem.
Devdas never lived his life, he existed and eventually perished. There are more than one like him for whom sympathy, self pity and sadness is way of life. To them pain needs to be glorified and to me, all their emotional trash is totally chicken shit! A man is the one who fights back, rest all are vegetables. A man is the one who can snatch every single iota of joy that he can possibly sieze. A man is the one who can reclaim his life and rise like a phoenix. A man to me is the one who cares not about phases of life but cares about people and beyond self. A man to me will never tag 'chicken shit' alongside his name!
Saturday, July 04, 2009
Fariyaad Karen'GAY'
The Indian Penal Code (IPC), of which Section 377 forms a part, was drafted in 1860 by Lord Macaulay as a part of the colonial project of regulating and controlling the British- and Indian-origin subjects. It reads:
377. Unnatural offences: Whoever voluntarily has carnal intercourse against the order of nature with any man, woman or animal, shall be punished with imprisonment for life, or with imprisonment of either description for term which may extend to ten years, and shall also be liable to fine.
Explanation: Penetration is sufficient to constitute the carnal intercourse necessary to the offense described in this section.
The ambit of Section 377, which was devised to criminalize and prevent homosexual associations - sodomy in particular, extends to any sexual union involving penile insertion. Thus even consensual heterosexual acts such as fellatio and digital penetration may be a punishable offense under this law. [wikipedia]
Swami Ram Dev Baba: Gays are sick people and should be sent to hospitals.
and isnt
Lalu Prasad Yadav: "Such things which affect the society should not be permitted at all... Government has a greater responsibility towards the society,"
and if i may ask what greater responsibility are we talking about here???
Since when has 'bedroom activity' started interesting our nation? Why we are so bothered what two consenting adults do behind closed doors of their bedrooms, irrespective of their sexual orientation? Have we ever been interested in two straight peoples' sexual lives like we have this sudden curiosity and opinion about gays getting equal right to live a normal life? What the hell is wrong with us all? Look at the statements being made by RESPONSIBLE people of India. People who make promises of a better, brighter India. A more progressive India.
It’s a pity that education and awareness couldn’t bring about a change in the way we think. Such education is a waste and such people are a disgrace who cannot accept other humans for what they are. What is the big deal about homosexuality after all? You like a woman and I like a man is normal… he likes a boy and she likes a girl is abnormal? We don’t decide as we grow up what tendency we will pick. Our parent’s don’t influence our choices of gender in our bringing up process. Neither is it genetic nor is it psychological. It’s purely biological. And if its that, then it’s surely gifted by god if that makes the understanding better!
Who are we to decide what is normal and what isn’t? Just because a few million act in certain way it is normal!? Is it written is your god book, the rules of normal and abnormal? Who gives anybody the right to call a certain sect of people as SICK? YOU???? And we thought you were a spiritual leader. Of the millions that followed you, many would be homosexual to bring to your notice sir, and you were unwittingly healing these SICK people without them going to the hospital!
The government has never done any better work before than this ever, Sir! Which society are we talking about? And for some greater responsibility towards this very same society, I think the government should strive to make it safer for all. With the 26/11 case judgements still pending in court and all sorts of allegations of complacency on the same responsible government, I think they surely have better things to do!
TOI carried this really interesting and informative article on how gayness was not shameful in our own ancient India. Experts of some mythological incidents from a book were quoted in the article and I was fascinated to know how our country is so obsessed with sex and sexuality. It quotes a story from the puranas where Brihaspati discovers his wife Tara is pregnant with the child of her lover Chandra. He curses the love child to be born neuter. Budh later marries Ila, a man who becomes a woman when he accidentally trespasses an enchanted grove. From that union springs the Chandra-vamsa, or the lunar dynasty of kings. So says the Mahabharata. In the Valmiki Ramayana, there are descriptions of Rakshasa women who kiss women on Ravana’s bed on whose lips lingers the taste of their master. Krittivasa Ramayana is the story of two widows who drink a magic potion and, in the absence of their husband, make love to each other and end up bearing a child without bones (traditionally believed to be the contribution of semen).
Is there a more perverse nation than this? We have granths written on sex and sex education. We have in our ancient times accepted and lived with homosexuals. The era when there was no ‘education’ as such. They were all supposedly uneducated. I think we were much more forward and broad in our thinking then, than we are today. Education has made us penny wise and pound foolish.
This very same responsible government has made this responsible decision because a few morons create nuisance in the lives of two people who want to just a live a peaceful life without being mocked at for the choice they made. You like potatoes I like beans so what!!!!!! Take charge of your lives and stop peeping into other peoples’ bedrooms. Behind closed doors we all do the same gig that they do! It’s just a matter of choice!
Ghanan Ghanan...
Its been pouring all day. Few areas in the city have been clogged and by the looks of it, this very generous, in a party mood rain is here to stay for over the weekend. Thanks!
My ofis is next to the sea @ versova. Standing on the terrace i can see the ocean splashing against the walls of the cemetery and washing away iniquitousness of the ceased as well as of the alive. The sea on our side was never so volatile. Ever since its surfaced has been kissed with the cold showers of rain it has been bouncing off in joy wherever it could find space! Enormous tides that thunder against any surface and the splash of water that follows seems like children chasing each other joyfully. The chuckling of water as it recedes after that big thud against the walls is strangely pleasant and meditative.
I know a lot of people who romanticize rains. Frankly rains for a long period leave me gloomy and sad. Let rains begin and all the facebook ID's get updated and all romantic. Rain plays a lot on human psyche in a way that it makes them all mushy and sugar coated for some reason. Frankly, i could never understand why people suddenly become horny in the rain. Its not romance, its sex that runs through the mind. This sudden urge of having someone special in your lives becomes the top priority of a lot of lonely hearts and those who have the 'special' someone in their lives think of how to spend the most romantic time with them as it rains. TOING!??? Please see three question marks over my head and eyes that roll in wonder... Why does rain make people romantic????
I can hear all kinds of 'saason ko saason mein ghulne do zara', 'pyar hua ikraar hua', 'bheegi bheegi raaton mein', 'haye haye yeh majboori', 'jaane do na...', 'bhaage re mann' playing everywhere. Its like rain anthem. Weird really...
For me, my favorite rain item forever will be smoking hot Raveena in a rain soaked yellow saree with Akshay Kumar prancing around her with eyes full of lust with his signature smile from ear to ear waiting for the right opportunity to get cosy with the lass. The ultimate rain song ever... i have not seen any song smoke so much fire while getting soaked in the rain. The music is four thumbs up, the picturisation is awesome and the after effects... mindblowing!
Right now i am waiting for the rain to stop so i can go out and fetch something to eat. There is almost knee deep water around my building and its not getting any better. If it continues to rain this way, this city will witness another of its biggest disasters. Rain pandits have already started predicting their tsunami's and sea storms and death foresights! They finally have some work to do after sitting idle for an entire season waiting to predict and get noticed. So the date they say is 13th July, the day the city will witness a tsunami. Well Shree Shree 1008 Lord Aga ji once said in Padosan' Bindu ki maa, jab jab jo jo hona hai tab tab so so hota hai...' was earlier also copied by the great Murphy ' what has to go wrong, will go wrong...'
Let us romanticize rains till then, coz if anything adverse happens at all, these romantic thoughts will anyway begin to haunt then.
My ofis is next to the sea @ versova. Standing on the terrace i can see the ocean splashing against the walls of the cemetery and washing away iniquitousness of the ceased as well as of the alive. The sea on our side was never so volatile. Ever since its surfaced has been kissed with the cold showers of rain it has been bouncing off in joy wherever it could find space! Enormous tides that thunder against any surface and the splash of water that follows seems like children chasing each other joyfully. The chuckling of water as it recedes after that big thud against the walls is strangely pleasant and meditative.
I know a lot of people who romanticize rains. Frankly rains for a long period leave me gloomy and sad. Let rains begin and all the facebook ID's get updated and all romantic. Rain plays a lot on human psyche in a way that it makes them all mushy and sugar coated for some reason. Frankly, i could never understand why people suddenly become horny in the rain. Its not romance, its sex that runs through the mind. This sudden urge of having someone special in your lives becomes the top priority of a lot of lonely hearts and those who have the 'special' someone in their lives think of how to spend the most romantic time with them as it rains. TOING!??? Please see three question marks over my head and eyes that roll in wonder... Why does rain make people romantic????
I can hear all kinds of 'saason ko saason mein ghulne do zara', 'pyar hua ikraar hua', 'bheegi bheegi raaton mein', 'haye haye yeh majboori', 'jaane do na...', 'bhaage re mann' playing everywhere. Its like rain anthem. Weird really...
For me, my favorite rain item forever will be smoking hot Raveena in a rain soaked yellow saree with Akshay Kumar prancing around her with eyes full of lust with his signature smile from ear to ear waiting for the right opportunity to get cosy with the lass. The ultimate rain song ever... i have not seen any song smoke so much fire while getting soaked in the rain. The music is four thumbs up, the picturisation is awesome and the after effects... mindblowing!
Right now i am waiting for the rain to stop so i can go out and fetch something to eat. There is almost knee deep water around my building and its not getting any better. If it continues to rain this way, this city will witness another of its biggest disasters. Rain pandits have already started predicting their tsunami's and sea storms and death foresights! They finally have some work to do after sitting idle for an entire season waiting to predict and get noticed. So the date they say is 13th July, the day the city will witness a tsunami. Well Shree Shree 1008 Lord Aga ji once said in Padosan' Bindu ki maa, jab jab jo jo hona hai tab tab so so hota hai...' was earlier also copied by the great Murphy ' what has to go wrong, will go wrong...'
Let us romanticize rains till then, coz if anything adverse happens at all, these romantic thoughts will anyway begin to haunt then.
Wednesday, July 01, 2009
I am engaged...
Yes i am engaged! Finally....to my solitude. So i am sitting here, punching hard on the keys of my room mates laptop coz my machine suddenly turned foul on me. Decided not to show its ugly face and the screen blanked out like my mind. No man, no machine, no mission no nothing...
I am spaced out again. This happens to me simply because of too many thoughts at once. So when i sit to write i do not know what to write and where to begin. So i have lost track again i can see as i type... i was saying i am engaged to my solitude. I am at home alone, my roomie is out and the other one is at work. Just threw my cat out of the house so that makes me totally lonely. From my large french windows i can see the building across the road. About 50 odd windows. One to the drawing room and one to the masterbed room on each floor, of the flats facing my side. 30 odd lights are on, 20 odd people hovering in their houses from one room to the other unaware that i am watching them. And this one light on the 6th floor blinks and switches on. A young boy puts the TV on and if i am not blind i can see some animated channel on it. I can see through their houses, thanks to the very friendly 'watch my neighborhood' concept of builders that allows you to literally watch into each others' lives. I can see this one dog in the balcony sitting on a rain soaked floor, helplessly. On floor 3, the lady has got out a tray full of glasses i cant see what's filled in it. Guests i believe must be the reason for 6 crystal glass crockery to suddenly leave the showcase and butt itself on the serving tray!
Lost track again.... i was engaged to my solitude. I am having a monologue in my head. Trying to reason why i am still alone. All these years i have never evaluated my situation so keenly as i am doing now. May be its time. But my friend said dont be desperate... so i am trying not to be. Last night shivani n i went out... had great fun just idling our lives for 4 hours... saw the humungous rows of cars waiting to get on to the Sea Link like it would sink tomorrow... laughed at how we indians are and moved to link road and ate till we threw up almost! 200 mein jaan bhi le lo to de dein! mutton seekh kebab, chiken tikka masala aur 6 paav to bahut chhoti cheez hai!
So everyday i can't innovate on 'how to break ur solitude' topic! Ok my thoughts are changing now.... same logic... multiple thoughts!....
Monday, June 22, 2009
Inked for life!
The gun is scary to look at. When he fixed the needle it was even scarier. He jutted the needle out after fixing it and dipped it in the ink. Black it was. He quickly checked if the needle was fixed correctly and the ink enough.
The needle moved in and out so fast that it looked like it will drill through! The sound was that of a micro jet. A weak soul would faint at the very sight. I sat there on his recliner calmly.
Butterflies fluttered in my stomach and anxiety was killing me but my face remained undeterred. I looked like a pro. Atleast i pretended to be. I had 2 already... so this one was no big deal you see.
The other guy had etched the design on my foot and the stencil told the outcome would be great. As i lay on the recliner, with a pseudo calm around me... he got the gun and jotted the first dot on my skin. I felt this sudden rush of blood to my head. It made me happy. As his gun kissed and scored along my skin drawing the stencil into reality the rush drove me insane. It was like a hundred roller coster rides one after the other. The rush was immense.
He finished the outline in no time and kept staring at it. He coolly asked me 'do you want me to do something else to it?' I said yeah fill it up. He replied 'actually i wanted to keep it that way, you want me to color it?' i said yeah color it... 'he said hang on' and pulled out a pen from his stand full of equipment and handy things. He drew something over the outline... said 'i'm thinking let's give it a shadow... will make it light grey so it looks like it' i looked closely... pondered like i understood what he envisioned and then nodded in disagreement. Nope! let it be like that... just fill it with color... both my tattoos are black and i want a hint of color on this... 'which color' he asked... i said blue...the guy behind him quickly walked up to the stack of color bottles and followed his instructions. 'Two drops of blue and one green'
The needle was cleaned and he dipped in some color on it. The wise traveler gradually was filled with life. It was incredibly beautiful, delicate and aesthetic. You rock! I told him. He was smiling.... it took him 20 mins...only....He dabbed the tattoo and asked his matey to apply some ointment over it... he got up and looked at it... 'next time, pls let us some more work on you preeti!' and i looked at him and smiled.... 'yes sure, next time i promise i will come back with a big design for my back!' he replied 'ya ya...' as he smiled and walked away.
My Wise traveller, the symbol of my love for travel... will be with me forever... where ever i go... will encourage me to step out and follow my dream...
My first was the eye of horus, an ancient egyptian symbol of the protection and royal power....
my second was my love for my dog when she died...'GYPSY' etched in arabic...and my third the traveler! 
My passion has been inked on me forever....
The needle moved in and out so fast that it looked like it will drill through! The sound was that of a micro jet. A weak soul would faint at the very sight. I sat there on his recliner calmly.
Butterflies fluttered in my stomach and anxiety was killing me but my face remained undeterred. I looked like a pro. Atleast i pretended to be. I had 2 already... so this one was no big deal you see.
The other guy had etched the design on my foot and the stencil told the outcome would be great. As i lay on the recliner, with a pseudo calm around me... he got the gun and jotted the first dot on my skin. I felt this sudden rush of blood to my head. It made me happy. As his gun kissed and scored along my skin drawing the stencil into reality the rush drove me insane. It was like a hundred roller coster rides one after the other. The rush was immense.
He finished the outline in no time and kept staring at it. He coolly asked me 'do you want me to do something else to it?' I said yeah fill it up. He replied 'actually i wanted to keep it that way, you want me to color it?' i said yeah color it... 'he said hang on' and pulled out a pen from his stand full of equipment and handy things. He drew something over the outline... said 'i'm thinking let's give it a shadow... will make it light grey so it looks like it' i looked closely... pondered like i understood what he envisioned and then nodded in disagreement. Nope! let it be like that... just fill it with color... both my tattoos are black and i want a hint of color on this... 'which color' he asked... i said blue...the guy behind him quickly walked up to the stack of color bottles and followed his instructions. 'Two drops of blue and one green'
The needle was cleaned and he dipped in some color on it. The wise traveler gradually was filled with life. It was incredibly beautiful, delicate and aesthetic. You rock! I told him. He was smiling.... it took him 20 mins...only....He dabbed the tattoo and asked his matey to apply some ointment over it... he got up and looked at it... 'next time, pls let us some more work on you preeti!' and i looked at him and smiled.... 'yes sure, next time i promise i will come back with a big design for my back!' he replied 'ya ya...' as he smiled and walked away.
My Wise traveller, the symbol of my love for travel... will be with me forever... where ever i go... will encourage me to step out and follow my dream...
My first was the eye of horus, an ancient egyptian symbol of the protection and royal power....
my second was my love for my dog when she died...'GYPSY' etched in arabic...and my third the traveler! 
My passion has been inked on me forever....
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Before i Die....
Things I want to do before I die. In no particular order actually
1. Make my own film – write and direct, whether I get appreciation for it or not. I don’t want to die unhappy about the fact that I had the vision and put it to no use.
2. Globe trot – want to see every part of the world, physically accessible and mentally thinkable. I was born with two feet to trot and walk so I shall!
3. drive on the formula one track – I am a fast and furious girl. Love fast cars and furious men. I can only drive men furious so I’d rather choose to drive a car so fast that the tyres burn! Formula 1 is my dream… and I know I will drive on the Monaco track one day.
4. work with SRK – I do not know by the time I make my film SRK would still play leads. I would still love to work with him once even if that means taking his phone calls.
5. build a genuine liking for children – for all who know me know I cannot tolerate children. They are nice till they learn to talk! But before I die I want to genuinely like children and indulge in the whole ‘ollllle le le le… ta hua baby to’ crap talk.
6. be filthy rich some day - even if it means I become broke the very next day. Even for a day I want to feel how the rich feel.
7. bungee jumping and zorbing – these two sports make my head spin… the thought I mean. I am a self confessed adrenaline junkie, I am medically advised not to get into these two sports less I decide to commit suicide by breaking my back forever. But I promise you mister doctor, I will be fine and living for another 50yrs even after bungee jumping and spinning in the zorb ball.
8. learn how to swim – I am an aquarian. Just for namesake. I cannot swim to save my life. This fear I developed as a child when I went to learn swimming and somebody threw me in 10ft deep water when I was 3ft myself. Couldn’t ever learn how to swim after that. I love water though…
9. live in the mountains and write – this is like the closest wish to my heart. I really want to live in the mountains for a good six months and write. From the big wooden windows with a cup of tea, over looking green meadows and sheep grazing on the beautiful landscape… and as eyes go up you’d see snow kissed mountains… I want to write… I love the mountains! I’d probably die there.
10. sing – I do sing… I am trained! But I am too shy to sing in public. But one day I want to revive my passion for singing. I will sing again!
11. watch all the movie made to date – I want to, hopefully!
12. I want to buy the world’s most expensive watch ever!
13. I want to learn photography. I love it and I do manage a few lucky shots but not as good as I would like them to be.
14. My one dream of getting a tattoo was fulfilled twice, but I still have that urge of getting one more! On my calve muscles. The sign of a traveler!
15. travel to space! Yes if technology allows me to
16. travel in time – yes that too!
17. get married… or so I wish!
1. Make my own film – write and direct, whether I get appreciation for it or not. I don’t want to die unhappy about the fact that I had the vision and put it to no use.
2. Globe trot – want to see every part of the world, physically accessible and mentally thinkable. I was born with two feet to trot and walk so I shall!
3. drive on the formula one track – I am a fast and furious girl. Love fast cars and furious men. I can only drive men furious so I’d rather choose to drive a car so fast that the tyres burn! Formula 1 is my dream… and I know I will drive on the Monaco track one day.
4. work with SRK – I do not know by the time I make my film SRK would still play leads. I would still love to work with him once even if that means taking his phone calls.
5. build a genuine liking for children – for all who know me know I cannot tolerate children. They are nice till they learn to talk! But before I die I want to genuinely like children and indulge in the whole ‘ollllle le le le… ta hua baby to’ crap talk.
6. be filthy rich some day - even if it means I become broke the very next day. Even for a day I want to feel how the rich feel.
7. bungee jumping and zorbing – these two sports make my head spin… the thought I mean. I am a self confessed adrenaline junkie, I am medically advised not to get into these two sports less I decide to commit suicide by breaking my back forever. But I promise you mister doctor, I will be fine and living for another 50yrs even after bungee jumping and spinning in the zorb ball.
8. learn how to swim – I am an aquarian. Just for namesake. I cannot swim to save my life. This fear I developed as a child when I went to learn swimming and somebody threw me in 10ft deep water when I was 3ft myself. Couldn’t ever learn how to swim after that. I love water though…
9. live in the mountains and write – this is like the closest wish to my heart. I really want to live in the mountains for a good six months and write. From the big wooden windows with a cup of tea, over looking green meadows and sheep grazing on the beautiful landscape… and as eyes go up you’d see snow kissed mountains… I want to write… I love the mountains! I’d probably die there.
10. sing – I do sing… I am trained! But I am too shy to sing in public. But one day I want to revive my passion for singing. I will sing again!
11. watch all the movie made to date – I want to, hopefully!
12. I want to buy the world’s most expensive watch ever!
13. I want to learn photography. I love it and I do manage a few lucky shots but not as good as I would like them to be.
14. My one dream of getting a tattoo was fulfilled twice, but I still have that urge of getting one more! On my calve muscles. The sign of a traveler!
15. travel to space! Yes if technology allows me to
16. travel in time – yes that too!
17. get married… or so I wish!
Friday, June 19, 2009
Aegis
When she cried she was fed with goodies. When she laughed she was made to laugh even more. When she fell, they came running to pick her up. When she made mistakes they would grab her by the arm and make her understand everything. When she was lonely they would fill her life with their presence. When it rained they quickly covered her head. When she slept, they would pull a blanket over her and kiss her forehead with affection that her made her smile in her sleep. She was part of a happy family. Now when she cries, she cries alone. When she laughs, she laughs at her own misery. When she falls she has to stumble and get up and on her own. When she makes mistakes, either people laugh at her or she pays for them. When she is lonely she has no escape from her loneliness. When it rains she has no choice but to soak in the rain. When she sleeps she shivers as she cries.
She is missing life. Nobody to run their hands over her head to console her when she is crying. Nobody to hold and hug her tight when she is scared. Nobody to wipe tears off her cheeks and maker laugh when she is low. Nobody to say 'i care'. It's tuff to battle alone in the most treacherous of wars with life. It's tough not to give in and give up at times. Its tough to just smile when you don't feel like it.
It's like a sudden gush of wind blows your umbrella away. Like you are stranded in the middle of no where. When you try to clean up the mess it becomes even messier. She doesn't know how to deal with it anymore. She is cringing in her mind with the thought of being out in open. She feels vulnerable and unarmored. Sans Aegis!
She is missing life. Nobody to run their hands over her head to console her when she is crying. Nobody to hold and hug her tight when she is scared. Nobody to wipe tears off her cheeks and maker laugh when she is low. Nobody to say 'i care'. It's tuff to battle alone in the most treacherous of wars with life. It's tough not to give in and give up at times. Its tough to just smile when you don't feel like it.
It's like a sudden gush of wind blows your umbrella away. Like you are stranded in the middle of no where. When you try to clean up the mess it becomes even messier. She doesn't know how to deal with it anymore. She is cringing in her mind with the thought of being out in open. She feels vulnerable and unarmored. Sans Aegis!
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Ape Dance!
Atul and I had this infamous habit of ogling at all the women in the disco. We passed nasty comments on how they looked, dressed, danced and some were our regular baits. At ‘B2B – the place to be’ he and I grabbed a corner would trip on every human breathing on floor. It was a fun exercise for us, much like the harmless high you’d get out of drinking. Our routine was somewhat like this – we walked into Country Inn with a fleet of cars always, some 4 odd one after the other. Raina, Deependra, Atul and me… swoosh… into the sparkling valet. We would get our wrists stamped and walk down the twisty stairway like it was our own disco. The first floor had the bar and a lounge area and we would first thing do is peep down and look at the people on the floor and then walk down to the lower level. We would fill our glasses and grab one corner from where we could scan the whole crowd without them seeing us. Once we were done scanning, we would then pick on the ‘catch of the day’ who would be then our subject of torture for as long as we were there.
So this one chick in a white tight shirt was our regular target. Her shirt was so tight that I felt sometime her intestines would pop out and she would die of claustrophobia. Nonetheless, she was breathing…comfortably… to return every week! Atul had an eye on her… she was a ‘tota’ for him. I found her cheap. She would just thrust her chest in and out to every song like she knew nothing else. Her partner would change each week, which is what amused Atul most. Every weekend she would get a different tharki buddha with her to pay up for her booze and dance – a so called couple! When we were done taking her case we would then pay attention to the sudden high of the tempo of music playing which meant that the place is packed and everybody is ready to ‘hit it’. DJ chetan would blare on the mic and rap to some hip hop tune ‘Welcome everybody to B2B- the place to be, enjoy your evening… let me see some hands in the air….here you go….’ And then suddenly the whole crowd on the dance floor would jump up and down in sync and throw their hands in the air.
The dark disco would light up with disco lights swirling from left to right. Champak would begin his lambada to any song virtually. He would squeeze his hands close to his body and do quirky footwork that nobody could catch! Each one would gradually start stepping on to the floor and do their own thing. Gattu had a peculiar dance step where she would stick her butt out like a duck and spread her hands on her sides like duck’s wings and sway from side to side. Ashi was so shy that she would not budge from her place and only look around and move slightly. Sleepy was the most stylish. She would dress up like a bomb and apply make up and get transformed on the floor. Hinna would only come if her brother and bhabhi accompanied her, so she was always the last to come and the energy would suddenly go up as she entered! Moniya, would only step in once beedi played and then there was no stopping. She would dance till she died. For me… I had no head no tail. One song needed to pep me up and I am on! I would find the closest speaker and stand under it. Music would give me a high that no spirit could ever. I was always under the speaker grooving to my dance style…. Till my favorite song played and I joined the centre again. I dint bother, who was looking at me or how I looked when I dance. I still don’t. It’s a trip for me like a shot! Atul, had the funniest form of dancing. He has described it in his blog in the best manner. ‘Showing off his own unique dancing style which was unmatched(it seemed like a snake was trying to climb a mountain, the guys hands and legs used to assume different polio like postures which would have even shocked a qualified surgeon)’. We would all ape him and he would feel so proud of it! Chaddu was the worst. She wouldn’t dance in the first place and is she did she would elbow and kill people around her with her histrionics.
Well, I took breaks between my dance displays for my back ache wouldn’t allow me to dance at a stretch. So these breaks were Tharak time for Atul and me. ‘ Dekh dekh, kya tota aya hai aaj…’was his standard line always. I would then scan the chick from head to toe and disapprove of her. And then was our time to rape everybody’s character standing in that one corner. ‘Yeh aaj ghar jaake na…. aaj to iski diwali hai…. Kya baapu bazaar chhap kapda daal ke aayi hai…. Iska charitra kuch thik nahi hai…’.
One thing we have seen, as soon as a popular number played, the entire crowd would roar which was supposed to be a happy welcoming sound and then they would all dance a common step harmoniously. Either throw their hands in the air and jump up and down or do a hand up and down step. Few of the famous popular songs for sync steps are ‘paathshala’, ‘aye mere dil tu gaaye ja’, ‘It’s the time to disco’, ‘where’s the party tonight’, ‘we will rock you’, as soon as ‘summer of 69’ played everybody would become Bryan Adams in multiples, strumming imaginary guitar’s and thumping their heads up and down wildly. Funny synchronized dancing. I really enjoyed watching these sync dances. All non-dancers enjoyed this one moment of glory where they knew one step well atleast! The signature step from the popular song from the time was what they danced to. I am not the, ‘ape a step’ kinds. I have my own dance style…. Out of sync from the crowd… I am ok with it. Atul cannot dance anyway!
But really, not just B2B, every nightclub that I have visited has the same set of people. It’s like a ‘copy-paste’ phenomenon. Same things happen… same kinda disc-etiquette is followed. Same hysteria when a hit song plays, same synchronized dancing to popular songs same shit. Apes haven’t evolved a bit.
So this one chick in a white tight shirt was our regular target. Her shirt was so tight that I felt sometime her intestines would pop out and she would die of claustrophobia. Nonetheless, she was breathing…comfortably… to return every week! Atul had an eye on her… she was a ‘tota’ for him. I found her cheap. She would just thrust her chest in and out to every song like she knew nothing else. Her partner would change each week, which is what amused Atul most. Every weekend she would get a different tharki buddha with her to pay up for her booze and dance – a so called couple! When we were done taking her case we would then pay attention to the sudden high of the tempo of music playing which meant that the place is packed and everybody is ready to ‘hit it’. DJ chetan would blare on the mic and rap to some hip hop tune ‘Welcome everybody to B2B- the place to be, enjoy your evening… let me see some hands in the air….here you go….’ And then suddenly the whole crowd on the dance floor would jump up and down in sync and throw their hands in the air.
The dark disco would light up with disco lights swirling from left to right. Champak would begin his lambada to any song virtually. He would squeeze his hands close to his body and do quirky footwork that nobody could catch! Each one would gradually start stepping on to the floor and do their own thing. Gattu had a peculiar dance step where she would stick her butt out like a duck and spread her hands on her sides like duck’s wings and sway from side to side. Ashi was so shy that she would not budge from her place and only look around and move slightly. Sleepy was the most stylish. She would dress up like a bomb and apply make up and get transformed on the floor. Hinna would only come if her brother and bhabhi accompanied her, so she was always the last to come and the energy would suddenly go up as she entered! Moniya, would only step in once beedi played and then there was no stopping. She would dance till she died. For me… I had no head no tail. One song needed to pep me up and I am on! I would find the closest speaker and stand under it. Music would give me a high that no spirit could ever. I was always under the speaker grooving to my dance style…. Till my favorite song played and I joined the centre again. I dint bother, who was looking at me or how I looked when I dance. I still don’t. It’s a trip for me like a shot! Atul, had the funniest form of dancing. He has described it in his blog in the best manner. ‘Showing off his own unique dancing style which was unmatched(it seemed like a snake was trying to climb a mountain, the guys hands and legs used to assume different polio like postures which would have even shocked a qualified surgeon)’. We would all ape him and he would feel so proud of it! Chaddu was the worst. She wouldn’t dance in the first place and is she did she would elbow and kill people around her with her histrionics.
Well, I took breaks between my dance displays for my back ache wouldn’t allow me to dance at a stretch. So these breaks were Tharak time for Atul and me. ‘ Dekh dekh, kya tota aya hai aaj…’was his standard line always. I would then scan the chick from head to toe and disapprove of her. And then was our time to rape everybody’s character standing in that one corner. ‘Yeh aaj ghar jaake na…. aaj to iski diwali hai…. Kya baapu bazaar chhap kapda daal ke aayi hai…. Iska charitra kuch thik nahi hai…’.
One thing we have seen, as soon as a popular number played, the entire crowd would roar which was supposed to be a happy welcoming sound and then they would all dance a common step harmoniously. Either throw their hands in the air and jump up and down or do a hand up and down step. Few of the famous popular songs for sync steps are ‘paathshala’, ‘aye mere dil tu gaaye ja’, ‘It’s the time to disco’, ‘where’s the party tonight’, ‘we will rock you’, as soon as ‘summer of 69’ played everybody would become Bryan Adams in multiples, strumming imaginary guitar’s and thumping their heads up and down wildly. Funny synchronized dancing. I really enjoyed watching these sync dances. All non-dancers enjoyed this one moment of glory where they knew one step well atleast! The signature step from the popular song from the time was what they danced to. I am not the, ‘ape a step’ kinds. I have my own dance style…. Out of sync from the crowd… I am ok with it. Atul cannot dance anyway!
But really, not just B2B, every nightclub that I have visited has the same set of people. It’s like a ‘copy-paste’ phenomenon. Same things happen… same kinda disc-etiquette is followed. Same hysteria when a hit song plays, same synchronized dancing to popular songs same shit. Apes haven’t evolved a bit.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
F R I E N D S - How well do you know them?
I have just finished a fully faltu quiz on FB saying how well do know xyz. I scored a miniscule 58%. But what prompted me to take the quiz was the friend himself. This friend is an item in his own right. I have not seen a ‘piece’ like him ever in my life. He is oblivious to the mocking faces and sniggering friends. He is oblivious of the facts about himself and he really needs a reality check at every step in his life. He is always the topic for our entertainment even when he’s not with us. We talk about him and amuse ourselves with his unique ability to just make a fool of himself everywhere. He never fails to astonish me.
There is another one like this boy. Let’s name this sample as ‘the buffoon type’. They are the ‘clowning glory’ of any group. There would be nothing to laugh about had they not been there. So every time you bunch of friends meet you will have this friends’ histrionics to talk about always. This other chick friend of mine is a sample. She has this uncanny ability to make a fool of herself at any cost. It’s like her task for the day ‘to make a bigger of me than yesterday, each day’. Her category is slightly different though. She falls under ‘the inquisitive pooper type’. She will innocently pretend to be your best friend and show how much she cares but at the end mess up everything that is there. Under utter foolishness, these kinds may ruin all your plans. These are like the bugs that crack all your smart alec plans and make you look like a fool ironically.
The next specimen is the one that thinks is a know all. They are ‘the smarty pants types’. They feel unwanted and petty if they do not know something or anything! So when you are talking about something they have to give their opinion, they have to display their ‘vast’ knowledge about things they know. Even if their opinion is uncalled for. There is a type B also here. One’s that have an opinion about everything. So whether they know the subject or not, they may google it and get back or even blurt half baked knowledge. So you may just stop talking and stare at them and they may pretend that what they said was indeed right till you resume your conversation. I knew this girl who seemed very intelligent (read this as an oxymoron itself: girl - intelligent!) who would always have her ears open for conversations she could barge into. She was aware of a lot of things I agree, but awareness isn’t knowledge, isn’t wisdom at all! I could never beat her at her arena coz I don’t believe in arguments, even though I knew she was bullshitting at many occasions.
The next one is ‘the curious type’. This one is always inquisitive about everything. ‘Tell na’ is the first word they learnt when they started speaking! They want to know everything. Where you got your clothes from, where you eat, what happened to your ex’s Y’s W’s Q’s relative, what happened to that employees mothers husbands nieces dog and so on and so forth… they just love to hoard information that is totally useless.
‘The wannabe types’ are the ones that want to be like you all the time. So they would do every thing that you do, smartly. Dress like you, talk like you, make friends with your friends and try so hard to be liked. They remain the sidekicks always and never elevate in the group to anything important. You would often forget to invite them into your plans.
The biggest turns off are ‘the self obsessed types’. The moment they enter you know your conversation (read monologue) is going to be skewed towards that person. He will only talk of himself and what he did and how he did and how it was ‘oh so fabulous’. He thinks he is the centre of attention but in actuality nobody really cares about him. He may end being the Type 1 ‘buffoon’ eventually if he overdoes his ‘Me-ness’.
There are certain natural leaders of a group. Somehow strangely everybody else seems to agree with him/her. I have never understood who gives them that authority or the responsibility to decide anything for anyone. So this ‘the leader type’ will decide on all plans, everybody will ask him/her for most permissions, everybody will decide once this leader has decided and all plans get dropped if the leader isn’t part of it. Strange flock of sheep they must be! Contrary to this are the weaklings. They are ‘the Pappu types’ that will submit to everything. They are like the runner boys of the group and get bullied always. They will run around to do all your work and will basically have no opinion of their own unless required. They are the ones who will say ‘OK’ to everything. Mindless!
There are ‘the tom-boy types’ who like to have this ‘I don’t’ give a damn’ attitude but are actually sensitive inside. They will use the most profane language, behave like boys and would totally forget they are girls. They can be quiet and embarrassment in public. ‘The pile on types’ is really the most pitiable kind. They do not find themselves any friend and would hang on to any connection they find. They will self invite themselves to your gatherings, they may keep calling you and pestering you even when you do not answer their calls, and they just don’t get the signal and won’t give up either.
The secretive kinds are the worst. They will be a part of your life and yet not disclose anything about their own. They will keep secrets of other people with them and they will not share anything like they have sworn their lives into the priory of scion! Contrary to these are the bitchy types, whose primary aim in life is to pull the world down. They only congregate to bitch and are a slightly malicious category coz they are harmful and may cause severe damage any time coz they may switch loyalties for their benefits. Their close kins are ‘the gossip kinds’. These are harmless because they will never damage any repute. Their role is of a new carriage or a journo on job 24x7. They will have scoop from the remotest part of the world and will share as soon as you say ‘don’t tell anyone’. We may have all had the enterprising type friend in our life who we know will arrange for everything! You have a party, you need a car, you need to pick up your iron you gave for repairing, you need to pay your bills, you need someone to pick up your folks…anything….! This one friend is always there… we’d for better understanding sake call them ‘Jugaadu’.
The story teller type will have endless stories about everything to tell. This is one friend who has experienced everything in life or so it seems. He will narrate personal life experience on every context possible and you’d feel how the hell this fellow has a story to tell always!? The know-all type friend is really and clearly the most learned and educated in the group. You’d find him evading parties and get together’s only because he has to study! He has no regret of having not had a good time as his best friend would be the book at that time. The zen types are those that are stress free always. They are the happy fun balls and will never sweat in any situation what so ever.
The more endearing are your
We all have a joker in a friend. The entertainer type who will make you laugh always. He is like the life of a group without who going out won’t be half as fun. These are those that are always welcome. There are also the hang out friends’ whom you’d meet only to hang out with without much purpose in life… they don’t mind being one of those in your list and are cool with meeting up on a free day. There are some who you are forced to be friends with coz they think you are their best friends! So you automatically have to be nice and courteous with these ‘you’re my best friend types’. They aren’t exactly pile on’s but they make you feel obligated for being a best friend.
The newest form is the facebook types. These you meet randomly online and know only as much as facebook tells you about them. You may have exchanged a few mails about each others’ lives and that is it! They become fancy names on your friend list.
These are as many as I could think of while writing this piece. It only made me think how many friends I got and how many different kinds! Just the idea that I have so many friends excites me! I fit into ‘the sarcastic kinds’ who loves to take each others’ case. So, what friend are you?TM ( Facebook do not copy this idea for another of your trashy quizzes for us to take!)
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
Cleaning out my closet
Have you ever been hated or discriminated against, I have, i've been protested and demonstrated
against, picket signs for my wicked rhymes, look at the times, sick is the mind of the
motherfuckin' kid that's behind, all this commotion, emotions run deep as ocean's explodin',
tempers flaring from parents, just blow 'em off and keep goin', not takin' nothin' from no one,
give 'em hell long as i'm breathin', keep kickin' ass in the mornin', an' takin' names in the
evening, leave 'em with a taste as sour as vinegar in they mouth, see they can trigger me but
they'll never figure me out, look at me now, I bet ya' probably sick of me now, ain't you mama,
i'ma make you look so ridiculous now...
[CHORUS]
I'm sorry mama, I never meant to hurt you, I never meant to make you cry, but tonight i'm
cleanin' out my closet, {one more time}, I said i'm sorry mama, I never meant to hurt you, I
never meant to make you cry, but tonight i'm cleanin' out my closet...
I got some skeletons in my closet and I don't know if no one knows it, so before they thrown me
inside my coffin and close it, i'ma expose it, i'll take you back to '73, before I ever had a
multi-platinum sellin' Cd, I was a baby, maybe I was just a couple of months, my faggot father
must have had his pantie's up in a bunch, cause he split, I wonder if he even kissed me goodbye,
no I don't on second thought, I just fuckin' wished he would die, I look at Hailie and I
couldn't picture leavin' her side, even if I hated Kim, I grit my teeth and I'd try, to make it
work with her at least for Hailie's sake, I maybe made some mistakes but i'm only human, but i'm
man enough to face them today, what I did was stupid, no doubt it was dumb, but the smartest
shit I did was take them bullets out of that gun, cause id'a killed 'em, shit I would have shot
Kim and him both, it's my life, i'd like to welcome y'all to the Eminem show...
[CHORUS]
Now I would never diss my own mama just to get recognition, take a second to listen who you
think this record is dissin', but put yourself in my position, just try to envision witnessin'
your Mama poppin' prescription pills in the kitchen, bitchin' that someone's always goin'
through her purse and shits missin', going through public housing systems, victim of
Munchausen's syndrome, my whole life I was made to believe I was sick when I wasn't 'til I grew
up, now I blew up, it makes you sick to ya' stomach, doesn't it, wasn't it the reason you made
that Cd for me, ma, so you could try to justify the way you treated me, ma, but guess what, your
gettin' older now and it's cold when your lonely, and Nathan's growing up so quick, he's gonna
know that your phoney, and Hailie's getting so big now, you should see her, she's beautiful, but
you'll never see her, she won't even be at your funeral, see what hurts me the most is you won't
admit you was wrong, bitch, do your song, keep tellin' yourself that you was a mom, but how dare
you try to take what you didn't help me to get, you selfish bitch, I hope you fuckin' burn in
hell for this shit, remember when Ronnie died and you said you wished it was me, well guess
what, I am dead, dead to you as can be...
against, picket signs for my wicked rhymes, look at the times, sick is the mind of the
motherfuckin' kid that's behind, all this commotion, emotions run deep as ocean's explodin',
tempers flaring from parents, just blow 'em off and keep goin', not takin' nothin' from no one,
give 'em hell long as i'm breathin', keep kickin' ass in the mornin', an' takin' names in the
evening, leave 'em with a taste as sour as vinegar in they mouth, see they can trigger me but
they'll never figure me out, look at me now, I bet ya' probably sick of me now, ain't you mama,
i'ma make you look so ridiculous now...
[CHORUS]
I'm sorry mama, I never meant to hurt you, I never meant to make you cry, but tonight i'm
cleanin' out my closet, {one more time}, I said i'm sorry mama, I never meant to hurt you, I
never meant to make you cry, but tonight i'm cleanin' out my closet...
I got some skeletons in my closet and I don't know if no one knows it, so before they thrown me
inside my coffin and close it, i'ma expose it, i'll take you back to '73, before I ever had a
multi-platinum sellin' Cd, I was a baby, maybe I was just a couple of months, my faggot father
must have had his pantie's up in a bunch, cause he split, I wonder if he even kissed me goodbye,
no I don't on second thought, I just fuckin' wished he would die, I look at Hailie and I
couldn't picture leavin' her side, even if I hated Kim, I grit my teeth and I'd try, to make it
work with her at least for Hailie's sake, I maybe made some mistakes but i'm only human, but i'm
man enough to face them today, what I did was stupid, no doubt it was dumb, but the smartest
shit I did was take them bullets out of that gun, cause id'a killed 'em, shit I would have shot
Kim and him both, it's my life, i'd like to welcome y'all to the Eminem show...
[CHORUS]
Now I would never diss my own mama just to get recognition, take a second to listen who you
think this record is dissin', but put yourself in my position, just try to envision witnessin'
your Mama poppin' prescription pills in the kitchen, bitchin' that someone's always goin'
through her purse and shits missin', going through public housing systems, victim of
Munchausen's syndrome, my whole life I was made to believe I was sick when I wasn't 'til I grew
up, now I blew up, it makes you sick to ya' stomach, doesn't it, wasn't it the reason you made
that Cd for me, ma, so you could try to justify the way you treated me, ma, but guess what, your
gettin' older now and it's cold when your lonely, and Nathan's growing up so quick, he's gonna
know that your phoney, and Hailie's getting so big now, you should see her, she's beautiful, but
you'll never see her, she won't even be at your funeral, see what hurts me the most is you won't
admit you was wrong, bitch, do your song, keep tellin' yourself that you was a mom, but how dare
you try to take what you didn't help me to get, you selfish bitch, I hope you fuckin' burn in
hell for this shit, remember when Ronnie died and you said you wished it was me, well guess
what, I am dead, dead to you as can be...
Monday, June 08, 2009
I know what you did last night, the day before, just now, 5 secs ago...
...I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
....is not planning to write anything here as everyone's status is better than mine... Grrrr!!!
...My state of mind - Madhya pradesh today :D
....food food food
...Monday Morning .. did meetings ... they still all sound GREEK !!!
...misses the days of 'Colonel Fazackerley, butterworth toast...'
...is happy to see her friend happy again!
...has been baking all day long and her house smells great! Perfect day for a cute apron!
This is how some of my friends are feeling. How do i know? Well i have a window into their minds. Well actually they have opened it for me and to all the other 200-300 odds on their list. Every morning without a telephone call, without any dialogue, without probing, without asking for and without fail i get to know what my friends are feeling today. Some are facing the blues, some heart aches, some boss troubles and some lazy. I know exactly what they are upto. I know when my friends are seeing someone the minute they update their status to 'in a relationship'. I know when they have changed jobs when their 'presently working' reflects something new. I know when they are not in a good mood when their status reflects so. I know where they hang out where they party or where they had been last when i see their photos!
My friends be in any part of the world i be connected always. Its a fascinating world this...social networking! I don't know what half the world, out of touch with their friends, would have done without Facebook.
The social aspect is pretty much publicized and known. What fascinates me is how it opens a window in to each others' lives. Like ....food food food - means this friend is hungry and its way past lunch time.
...Monday Morning .. did meetings ... they still all sound GREEK !!! - means this friend has attended a boring meet and has slept through it.
....A pretty transparent umbrella made my day! Im so loving it that I may not use it when it rains... and when it shines either :) - means the friend is gearing for a romantic rainy season!
...i wish i was - means this friend is unhappy with something about her life.
... is rediscovering life in pinks and reds !! means this friend is getting married soon!!!
Those fun quizzes are most fun. Although i do not take them but i read other peoples results and the proximity to actuality of it. My friend took a 'What is romance meter' and she scored a whopping 93%. Since i know her i know that it is actually true! This other friend took a 'what kinda bitch are you quiz' and she was rated a 'psycho bitch' LOL, which i feel is true!
So much to discover, so much to say so much to share. You keep an eye on every move of your friends legally! You are allowed to make comments and sneak into their lives with full authority. I love this word of written words and scribbled emotions.
....is not planning to write anything here as everyone's status is better than mine... Grrrr!!!
...My state of mind - Madhya pradesh today :D
....food food food
...Monday Morning .. did meetings ... they still all sound GREEK !!!
...misses the days of 'Colonel Fazackerley, butterworth toast...'
...is happy to see her friend happy again!
...has been baking all day long and her house smells great! Perfect day for a cute apron!
This is how some of my friends are feeling. How do i know? Well i have a window into their minds. Well actually they have opened it for me and to all the other 200-300 odds on their list. Every morning without a telephone call, without any dialogue, without probing, without asking for and without fail i get to know what my friends are feeling today. Some are facing the blues, some heart aches, some boss troubles and some lazy. I know exactly what they are upto. I know when my friends are seeing someone the minute they update their status to 'in a relationship'. I know when they have changed jobs when their 'presently working' reflects something new. I know when they are not in a good mood when their status reflects so. I know where they hang out where they party or where they had been last when i see their photos!
My friends be in any part of the world i be connected always. Its a fascinating world this...social networking! I don't know what half the world, out of touch with their friends, would have done without Facebook.
The social aspect is pretty much publicized and known. What fascinates me is how it opens a window in to each others' lives. Like ....food food food - means this friend is hungry and its way past lunch time.
...Monday Morning .. did meetings ... they still all sound GREEK !!! - means this friend has attended a boring meet and has slept through it.
....A pretty transparent umbrella made my day! Im so loving it that I may not use it when it rains... and when it shines either :) - means the friend is gearing for a romantic rainy season!
...i wish i was - means this friend is unhappy with something about her life.
... is rediscovering life in pinks and reds !! means this friend is getting married soon!!!
Those fun quizzes are most fun. Although i do not take them but i read other peoples results and the proximity to actuality of it. My friend took a 'What is romance meter' and she scored a whopping 93%. Since i know her i know that it is actually true! This other friend took a 'what kinda bitch are you quiz' and she was rated a 'psycho bitch' LOL, which i feel is true!
So much to discover, so much to say so much to share. You keep an eye on every move of your friends legally! You are allowed to make comments and sneak into their lives with full authority. I love this word of written words and scribbled emotions.
Monday, June 01, 2009
Identity Crisis
I was watching this feature on NDTV the other day about people talking loudly on the phone, people wanting VVIP things like a premium phone numbers and special car numbers and the associated it with such people suffering from an ‘identity crisis’.
It’s more of ‘Attention Deficit Disorder’ (ADD) situation than an ‘Identity Crisis’ case. Such people have a serious problem. They want to be the centre of attraction everywhere. They want to be talked about and want to be ‘loved’ at any cost. Children often show such symptoms by crying loudly, doing abnormal things and behaving badly in public. Adults have different ways. They talk loudly and namesdrop just to grab attention. They demand premium numbers or would want special attention. They would perhaps create a ruckus for small issues manageable with conversation.
Classic example here is a friend of mine who, every time we meet will only talk about himself. What’s new in his life, what’s he interested in, what he likes, what he dislikes and so on a so forth… he doesn’t care if the other person is interested in his trash or not but he is like a motored toy, one key and he won’t stop till the battery is totally discharged. He can divert any conversation from any topic to himself. And if fortunately some day anybody else gets lucky to be talked about some day, he would do silly things to grab all the attention. He would play silly pranks; do funny things or just barge into the conversation to make his place! Serious problem! He has had done several foolish things to make his importance felt at totally irrelevant times. This other chick I know had her unique way of crying, falling sick and being over friendly with the opposite gender. She would dress up funnily and often wear things that never suited her. Her over the top behavior would surprise me. She is a smart girl otherwise, so what occurred to her when she did such foolish things? This friend of mine and this chick are both smart yet their behavior at times is totally unreasonable and embarrassing.
Identity crisis according to the guy who coined this term is when an individual loses a sense of personal sameness and historical continuity. Simply putting, is when you do not know who you are really or you are caught in the trap of something not you. One of my f
riends, I have diagnosed has a severe identity crisis. She would ape everything that anybody else would do, blindly. If she saw something on somebody, she would get the same dress. If she was in a group, she would go with what the majority said. She really had no choice, personality or intellect of her own. This other friend who is a guy would also try and be like most others. Individually, he was different in person and in a group he would just change and like how! He is a simple person basically, but because many around him aren’t that simple, he is deliberately complicating his life by choosing to live a life that’s not his. He has become brand conscious, he talks about heavy metal, he tries to talk about F1, he talks about his filmy connections and that annoys me.
Facebook and other social networks have become a playground or stage for such physiologically challenged people. Profiles with celebrity pics, picture albums clicked with celebrities, faking profiles, chat friends, online dating, projecting to be something else that you are not is like a refuge from something that you don’t want people to see. Online, you can pretend to be something that you always wanted to be with a consolation that no one will ever see you (unless you choose to reveal). Virtual world transforms in to your actual reality and the chasm between reality and virtual reality diminishes. I had been on second life for some time. I must confess I loved it. I loved the idea of having to be somebody else, taking an avatar of my choice, going to places I’d love to see, doing things I’d probably not have imagined. It was fun for a while and totally surreal, till I realized I was getting ‘teleported’ literally! I refrained and uninstalled it from my system. I get these urges even today to once log into second life and experience it all over again, but fortunately I have forgotten my password.
I think both the cases, ADD and Identity crisis, often crop out of complexes that are beyond repair. These may be superiority or inferiority complexes. However hard it may be to feel comfortable in your skin and be happy with what you are, we often end up being somebody else. Diminutive amounts of self obsession and complexes are fine as long as they help us improve ourselves. We are all somewhere unhappy with ourselves or how and who we are, but we have no choice but to live with it and make that an asset.
People who can diagnose and overcome their weaknesses will always get both attention and an identity of their own. But for those louts who will always suck upto other people and choose to be parasites will remains parasites for life and produce clones in the most legal way!
Friday, May 29, 2009
Lonely again
In the window she sits with her feet held close to her chest, holding them in her arms. The silence in the room is echoing in her head and is driving her crazy. She could hear the calm breeze blowing in her ears. Her hair falling limp on her face. Her eyes constantly gazing at eternity from the grills of the window. Her hair bothering her but she is undeterred. A warm drop of tear rolls down from her right eye ceases on its way down. She winces and wheezes. The sound breaks the silence as though the breeze suddenly stopped where it was and the hair fell limp again wherever they could place themselves on her face. Another drop of tear cascades from her left eye followed by a tear from the right. She scrambles herself quickly as her arms lose the grip of her feet that slide away inadvertently. She bit her lips as her heart squirmed and she lays her head on the feet and burst out crying. She lifts her face, that had turned red and her eyes had become sore upon crying, her dress had soaked up all the tears she shed and left a wet blob mark behind. The pace of her tears had slowed and she continued to caterwaul. Her hair were soaked in the tears she shed and they stuck around her cheek and lips stopping and diverting the tears. She tucked a bunch behind her ears and wiped her watering nose with the back of her hand. Suddenly the breeze echoed again in her ears and she realised she was lonely again.
If you were my woman...
Listen Mototo, you better treat this lady like a queen. Because you my friend, you found yourself the perfect woman.
If I was ever so lucky to find the perfect woman, I’d give her flowers everyday and not just any flower. Ok!
Her favorites are orchids, White.
And breakfast in bed. Six loaves of wheat toast, butter on both sides. No crust, the way she likes it.
I’d be her shoulder to cry on and her best friend and I’d spend every day trying to think of how to maker her laugh. She has the most amazing laugh. That’s what I’d do, if I were you.
If I was ever so lucky to find the perfect woman, I’d give her flowers everyday and not just any flower. Ok!
Her favorites are orchids, White.
And breakfast in bed. Six loaves of wheat toast, butter on both sides. No crust, the way she likes it.
I’d be her shoulder to cry on and her best friend and I’d spend every day trying to think of how to maker her laugh. She has the most amazing laugh. That’s what I’d do, if I were you.
- Melman, Madagascar II - Escape to Africa
If you were him, what would you do for you love?
If you were him, what would you do for you love?
Saturday, May 23, 2009
It's Only Words...
Words don’t fascinate me. Floral ornamented lines don’t sweep me. Strangely some lines have stuck in my head like glue and haunt me every now and then. Some words become synonymous with people and some words come together beautifully to construct a line. These lines even sans music sound like music to the ears. These lines go so deep down in the heart that they refuse to leave. These lines become your emotions. You cry when they make you cry you laugh when they want you to… Lines that you instantly recognize with when they come any close to what you feel at that moment. So I find it funny when so often we get hooked to sad songs after a heart break! Or often find the most romantic love song when we are in love.
I am not a genre person. I love music. Any music. Music that music to me at that time. If I like rock today, not necessary that I will like it tomorrow. My song choices are fluid. I hated Glen Medeiros ‘ Nothings gonna change shit’ as I grew up, will always hate it. Too candy floss for me… hollow lyrics… he doesn’t mean what he says obviously. Nobody loves forever. So these lyrics don’t hold any ground for me. I hated “last Christmas’ gooeeeeeyyyyyy! Yuck! Made me diabetic it was so sweet!
Not to deviate from my basic intention of writing today – Song lyrics that swept me off the floor.
- Main Zindagi Ka Sath Nibhata Chala Gaya – this song never fails to amuse me. Just so aptly describes how life should be taken easy!
- Love to see you cry – I love the video on the whole. I never get bored of this song. The line particularly that kills me is : you don’t know how much it hurts when you fall asleep in my arms.
- Tere Bina Jiya Jaaye Na – all who know me well know I looooooooooove this song. Something about it… particularly the line ‘Jab bhi khayalon mein tu aaye, mere badan se khushboo aaye’ is so subtly suggestive! Gulzar is a genius, I bow to his genius.
- Din pyar ke aayenge – this song os from Sawerewali Gadi. Poonam Dhillon flirtatiously and blithe fully running behind a train. This song is just HAPPY under my scanner. No frilly lyrics, just simply happy.
- Insatiable – Darren Hayes has perhaps redeemed his foolish candy floss career with this one song. Sensuous, sultry and sexy this song is experienced best with lights off in a dark room on loudspeakers. ‘ I fall asleep inside of you, there are no words there's only truth’.
- Eminem – I cannot pick one song of this man who writes what I feel in my heart. I so totally relate to all his song no matter what my mood is. No sham, pure attitude is what makes me love him and his music. I love cleaning out my closet and Stan, but all his songs are amazing. I worship you lord!
but how dare you try to take what you didn't help me to get, you selfish bitch, I hope you fuckin' burn in hell for this shit, remember when Ronnie died and you said you wished it was me, well guess what, I am dead, dead to you as can be...
- In the end –
- Kiss from a rose – Seal - I heard this line ‘You became the light on the dark side of me.’ And I died! The song is mesmerizing… nothing else! My eyes become large and,
The light that you shine can be seen
- ABBA – I have been a huge huge Abba fan since childhood… so whatever their songs may be I just loved singing their songs..i still do!
- Chupke Se – Saathiya.. Gulzar nipping out magic through his pen. Can you better this???
Farvari ki sardiyon ki dhoop mein
Moondi moondi ankhiyon se dekhna
Haath ki aad se
Neemi neemi thand aur aag mein
Haule haule maarwa ke raag mein
Meer ki baat ho
- Have you ever really loved a woman – Bryan Adams has got this one right! The song makes me melt and how. The lyrics are fluid… they crawl over my skin and clamp onto my head like an octopus grabs it prey. When you see her unborn children in her eyes….Beautiful alliance of words and music.
- Father Figure – George Michael – Waste of a man! But what a song this is. Sensuality personified. Lyrics and music that can teleport you to a different level all together. All time favorite. So when you remember the one’s who have lied, who said that they cared but left as you cried…
- Maa – Taare Zameen Par – the one and only song that got tears to my eyes when I heard it. And that happens practically every time I hear it. Bhej na itna duur mujhko tu..yaad bhi tujhko aana paun maa.
- Chhoti Si Kahani Se – Ijaazat – Na Jaane kyu…dil bhar
- Tujhse Naraz Nahi – Masoom – Jeene ke liye socha hi nahi.. dard sambhalne honge… muskuraye to…muskurane ke…karz utarne honge…
- Khabar Nahi – Dostana – the new song… something about it that makes me happy always. Bubblegum song totally but I love it!
- Aaj phir jeene ki tamanna hai – Guide – the song as legendary as the movie itself. Waheeda Rehman looking stunning and dancing to the song like it was her own story!
- Bol Na Halke – JBJ – Gulzar! Ghoonghat hi bana lo roshni se noor ke! ….Kitne dino se yeh aasma bhi soya nahi hai…isko sula de!
- Jaane Kya Baat Hai – Sunny – Amrita Singh singing on TV and Sunny Deol innocently looking… the visuals flash on my mind instantly. Neend nahi aati…badi lambi raat hai!
- Mitwa – KANK – I love this song for some strange reason. I love the way SRK spreads his arms in this song and sings it… I love everything about it… ‘ teri nigahen, paa gayi rahein..par tu yeh soche jaun na jaun… yeh zindagi jo hai naachti to… kyu bediyon mein hai tere paaon!’
There are obviously a lot more and I will keep adding them time and again…. You can post you favorites… a song…lyrics… situations or just about any reason for liking a song!
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
The teacher called Life!
Everything happens for a reason. Nothing is by chance or your luck. Every action and reaction is well calculated somewhere in the cosmos and we are only purely executing it unwittingly. There is nothing that can be left to chance. I don’t believe in chance, fate, luck, and destiny or in any other word from this family because it doesn’t exist. It is either your hard work or someone else’s that makes or breaks things in your life.
Ever since I was a child, I would rationalize in my mind why certain things went wrong. And when they did, they mostly were followed by repercussions that taught me something. Every incident, good or bad, has something to teach us. When it’s good it’s easy to decipher. But when it’s a bad incident or offshoot, we often get busy crying and mulling over it rather than knowing what it actually wants to teach us. There is always a solution to every problem. There is always an alternate road to every broken path. Life is the best teacher according to me.
Every experience that we go through in life has such a deep yet subtle sublime lesson. Everything happens for a reason. It’s such a vast topic I don’t know which one point to pick to start. I remember, when I got bad marks or didn’t score as much, my parents would whine and my friends would mock at me, but deep down inside, I believed, this is not my path…studies is not what I want to do. So the dropping result graph kept re-assuring me that I was made for something else. One time, we were given an essay to write in school for our English subject. I don’t know how others wrote, but I wrote with my heart into it. I had never written with so much care and attention. A passage that was 3 pages long…. I was stunned when the whole class clapped for me. And this was just the next day after I got punished for not finishing my homework.
Small little things hint towards big results that we don’t know yet. The most interesting chapter of life is ‘people’. Every soul that comes into our lives has a purpose. We may choose to ignore it but cannot erase it. Even when a deluge of people is around you there may be one, who would have a purpose of being there… A book I read some time back by Mitch Albom ‘ Five people I met in heaven’, brought a smile to my face because the book says exactly what I mean here. We often ignore the people whom we come across in life. Either they are irrelevant or inconsequen
tial. But our brain is not foresighted, so it only retains information that it finds is relevant for now. So the people we meet, the action we do are all an offshoot of the way our brain reacts. If you don’t exist for me now, you don’t exist at all! But that’s not true. Someone somewhere will cross our paths again. Haven’t we all come across situations in life where we met somebody for a short while and many years later met again in strange situations?! Don’t we all say ‘The world is a small place’! So isn’t it true that every soul has a purpose.
Everybody I have met has taught me something, good or bad. Whether it is making new friends, letting go of old, meeting complete strangers and reunion with the lost! This one person who taught me how to love yourself, one friend who showed me how beautiful life is. One amazing human I met on the strangest journey’s to
But the real lessons you learn from people who are totally obscure. The beggars on the street, I have not seen a single frowning face ever. They may be God’s deprived children, but they don’t even know what they are blessed with. PEACE! No fuss in life coz they are so away from all the stress of it. This one boy I saw in Bandra who apparently lost his left hand in the train blast was working in a hotel serving food! Before that he was working in an MNC in their housekeeping earning well. That’s fighter spirit for you.
I owe a lot to life, for teaching me things that my text books forgot to teach me. I owe it to all the people who have touched my life by existing in it and being a part even if they were in the crowd. The five people I’d like to meet in heaven would be –
- My Mother, I have some questions to ask
- Charu, coz I will need her everywhere
- My friend Atul, for inspiring me, always
- My great grandfather, whose valiance I have only heard about.
- this one man, who I choose not to name, to settle a score up there!
I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you learn to appreciate them when they're right. You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself...and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.
Marylyn Monroe
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