I have just finished a fully faltu quiz on FB saying how well do know xyz. I scored a miniscule 58%. But what prompted me to take the quiz was the friend himself. This friend is an item in his own right. I have not seen a ‘piece’ like him ever in my life. He is oblivious to the mocking faces and sniggering friends. He is oblivious of the facts about himself and he really needs a reality check at every step in his life. He is always the topic for our entertainment even when he’s not with us. We talk about him and amuse ourselves with his unique ability to just make a fool of himself everywhere. He never fails to astonish me.
There is another one like this boy. Let’s name this sample as ‘the buffoon type’. They are the ‘clowning glory’ of any group. There would be nothing to laugh about had they not been there. So every time you bunch of friends meet you will have this friends’ histrionics to talk about always. This other chick friend of mine is a sample. She has this uncanny ability to make a fool of herself at any cost. It’s like her task for the day ‘to make a bigger of me than yesterday, each day’. Her category is slightly different though. She falls under ‘the inquisitive pooper type’. She will innocently pretend to be your best friend and show how much she cares but at the end mess up everything that is there. Under utter foolishness, these kinds may ruin all your plans. These are like the bugs that crack all your smart alec plans and make you look like a fool ironically.
The next specimen is the one that thinks is a know all. They are ‘the smarty pants types’. They feel unwanted and petty if they do not know something or anything! So when you are talking about something they have to give their opinion, they have to display their ‘vast’ knowledge about things they know. Even if their opinion is uncalled for. There is a type B also here. One’s that have an opinion about everything. So whether they know the subject or not, they may google it and get back or even blurt half baked knowledge. So you may just stop talking and stare at them and they may pretend that what they said was indeed right till you resume your conversation. I knew this girl who seemed very intelligent (read this as an oxymoron itself: girl - intelligent!) who would always have her ears open for conversations she could barge into. She was aware of a lot of things I agree, but awareness isn’t knowledge, isn’t wisdom at all! I could never beat her at her arena coz I don’t believe in arguments, even though I knew she was bullshitting at many occasions.
The next one is ‘the curious type’. This one is always inquisitive about everything. ‘Tell na’ is the first word they learnt when they started speaking! They want to know everything. Where you got your clothes from, where you eat, what happened to your ex’s Y’s W’s Q’s relative, what happened to that employees mothers husbands nieces dog and so on and so forth… they just love to hoard information that is totally useless.
‘The wannabe types’ are the ones that want to be like you all the time. So they would do every thing that you do, smartly. Dress like you, talk like you, make friends with your friends and try so hard to be liked. They remain the sidekicks always and never elevate in the group to anything important. You would often forget to invite them into your plans.
The biggest turns off are ‘the self obsessed types’. The moment they enter you know your conversation (read monologue) is going to be skewed towards that person. He will only talk of himself and what he did and how he did and how it was ‘oh so fabulous’. He thinks he is the centre of attention but in actuality nobody really cares about him. He may end being the Type 1 ‘buffoon’ eventually if he overdoes his ‘Me-ness’.
There are certain natural leaders of a group. Somehow strangely everybody else seems to agree with him/her. I have never understood who gives them that authority or the responsibility to decide anything for anyone. So this ‘the leader type’ will decide on all plans, everybody will ask him/her for most permissions, everybody will decide once this leader has decided and all plans get dropped if the leader isn’t part of it. Strange flock of sheep they must be! Contrary to this are the weaklings. They are ‘the Pappu types’ that will submit to everything. They are like the runner boys of the group and get bullied always. They will run around to do all your work and will basically have no opinion of their own unless required. They are the ones who will say ‘OK’ to everything. Mindless!
There are ‘the tom-boy types’ who like to have this ‘I don’t’ give a damn’ attitude but are actually sensitive inside. They will use the most profane language, behave like boys and would totally forget they are girls. They can be quiet and embarrassment in public. ‘The pile on types’ is really the most pitiable kind. They do not find themselves any friend and would hang on to any connection they find. They will self invite themselves to your gatherings, they may keep calling you and pestering you even when you do not answer their calls, and they just don’t get the signal and won’t give up either.
The secretive kinds are the worst. They will be a part of your life and yet not disclose anything about their own. They will keep secrets of other people with them and they will not share anything like they have sworn their lives into the priory of scion! Contrary to these are the bitchy types, whose primary aim in life is to pull the world down. They only congregate to bitch and are a slightly malicious category coz they are harmful and may cause severe damage any time coz they may switch loyalties for their benefits. Their close kins are ‘the gossip kinds’. These are harmless because they will never damage any repute. Their role is of a new carriage or a journo on job 24x7. They will have scoop from the remotest part of the world and will share as soon as you say ‘don’t tell anyone’. We may have all had the enterprising type friend in our life who we know will arrange for everything! You have a party, you need a car, you need to pick up your iron you gave for repairing, you need to pay your bills, you need someone to pick up your folks…anything….! This one friend is always there… we’d for better understanding sake call them ‘Jugaadu’.
The story teller type will have endless stories about everything to tell. This is one friend who has experienced everything in life or so it seems. He will narrate personal life experience on every context possible and you’d feel how the hell this fellow has a story to tell always!? The know-all type friend is really and clearly the most learned and educated in the group. You’d find him evading parties and get together’s only because he has to study! He has no regret of having not had a good time as his best friend would be the book at that time. The zen types are those that are stress free always. They are the happy fun balls and will never sweat in any situation what so ever.
The more endearing are your
We all have a joker in a friend. The entertainer type who will make you laugh always. He is like the life of a group without who going out won’t be half as fun. These are those that are always welcome. There are also the hang out friends’ whom you’d meet only to hang out with without much purpose in life… they don’t mind being one of those in your list and are cool with meeting up on a free day. There are some who you are forced to be friends with coz they think you are their best friends! So you automatically have to be nice and courteous with these ‘you’re my best friend types’. They aren’t exactly pile on’s but they make you feel obligated for being a best friend.
The newest form is the facebook types. These you meet randomly online and know only as much as facebook tells you about them. You may have exchanged a few mails about each others’ lives and that is it! They become fancy names on your friend list.
These are as many as I could think of while writing this piece. It only made me think how many friends I got and how many different kinds! Just the idea that I have so many friends excites me! I fit into ‘the sarcastic kinds’ who loves to take each others’ case. So, what friend are you?TM ( Facebook do not copy this idea for another of your trashy quizzes for us to take!)
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