Identity Crisis

I was watching this feature on NDTV the other day about people talking loudly on the phone, people wanting VVIP things like a premium phone numbers and special car numbers and the associated it with such people suffering from an ‘identity crisis’.

It’s more of ‘Attention Deficit Disorder’ (ADD) situation than an ‘Identity Crisis’ case. Such people have a serious problem. They want to be the centre of attraction everywhere. They want to be talked about and want to be ‘loved’ at any cost. Children often show such symptoms by crying loudly, doing abnormal things and behaving badly in public. Adults have different ways. They talk loudly and namesdrop just to grab attention. They demand premium numbers or would want special attention. They would perhaps create a ruckus for small issues manageable with conversation.

Classic example here is a friend of mine who, every time we meet will only talk about himself. What’s new in his life, what’s he interested in, what he likes, what he dislikes and so on a so forth… he doesn’t care if the other person is interested in his trash or not but he is like a motored toy, one key and he won’t stop till the battery is totally discharged. He can divert any conversation from any topic to himself. And if fortunately some day anybody else gets lucky to be talked about some day, he would do silly things to grab all the attention. He would play silly pranks; do funny things or just barge into the conversation to make his place! Serious problem! He has had done several foolish things to make his importance felt at totally irrelevant times. This other chick I know had her unique way of crying, falling sick and being over friendly with the opposite gender. She would dress up funnily and often wear things that never suited her. Her over the top behavior would surprise me. She is a smart girl otherwise, so what occurred to her when she did such foolish things? This friend of mine and this chick are both smart yet their behavior at times is totally unreasonable and embarrassing.

Identity crisis according to the guy who coined this term is when an individual loses a sense of personal sameness and historical continuity. Simply putting, is when you do not know who you are really or you are caught in the trap of something not you. One of my friends, I have diagnosed has a severe identity crisis. She would ape everything that anybody else would do, blindly. If she saw something on somebody, she would get the same dress. If she was in a group, she would go with what the majority said. She really had no choice, personality or intellect of her own. This other friend who is a guy would also try and be like most others. Individually, he was different in person and in a group he would just change and like how! He is a simple person basically, but because many around him aren’t that simple, he is deliberately complicating his life by choosing to live a life that’s not his. He has become brand conscious, he talks about heavy metal, he tries to talk about F1, he talks about his filmy connections and that annoys me.

Facebook and other social networks have become a playground or stage for such physiologically challenged people. Profiles with celebrity pics, picture albums clicked with celebrities, faking profiles, chat friends, online dating, projecting to be something else that you are not is like a refuge from something that you don’t want people to see. Online, you can pretend to be something that you always wanted to be with a consolation that no one will ever see you (unless you choose to reveal). Virtual world transforms in to your actual reality and the chasm between reality and virtual reality diminishes. I had been on second life for some time. I must confess I loved it. I loved the idea of having to be somebody else, taking an avatar of my choice, going to places I’d love to see, doing things I’d probably not have imagined. It was fun for a while and totally surreal, till I realized I was getting ‘teleported’ literally! I refrained and uninstalled it from my system. I get these urges even today to once log into second life and experience it all over again, but fortunately I have forgotten my password.

I think both the cases, ADD and Identity crisis, often crop out of complexes that are beyond repair. These may be superiority or inferiority complexes. However hard it may be to feel comfortable in your skin and be happy with what you are, we often end up being somebody else. Diminutive amounts of self obsession and complexes are fine as long as they help us improve ourselves. We are all somewhere unhappy with ourselves or how and who we are, but we have no choice but to live with it and make that an asset.

People who can diagnose and overcome their weaknesses will always get both attention and an identity of their own. But for those louts who will always suck upto other people and choose to be parasites will remains parasites for life and produce clones in the most legal way!