Ape Dance!

Atul and I had this infamous habit of ogling at all the women in the disco. We passed nasty comments on how they looked, dressed, danced and some were our regular baits. At ‘B2B – the place to be’ he and I grabbed a corner would trip on every human breathing on floor. It was a fun exercise for us, much like the harmless high you’d get out of drinking. Our routine was somewhat like this – we walked into Country Inn with a fleet of cars always, some 4 odd one after the other. Raina, Deependra, Atul and me… swoosh… into the sparkling valet. We would get our wrists stamped and walk down the twisty stairway like it was our own disco. The first floor had the bar and a lounge area and we would first thing do is peep down and look at the people on the floor and then walk down to the lower level. We would fill our glasses and grab one corner from where we could scan the whole crowd without them seeing us. Once we were done scanning, we would then pick on the ‘catch of the day’ who would be then our subject of torture for as long as we were there.

So this one chick in a white tight shirt was our regular target. Her shirt was so tight that I felt sometime her intestines would pop out and she would die of claustrophobia. Nonetheless, she was breathing…comfortably… to return every week! Atul had an eye on her… she was a ‘tota’ for him. I found her cheap. She would just thrust her chest in and out to every song like she knew nothing else. Her partner would change each week, which is what amused Atul most. Every weekend she would get a different tharki buddha with her to pay up for her booze and dance – a so called couple! When we were done taking her case we would then pay attention to the sudden high of the tempo of music playing which meant that the place is packed and everybody is ready to ‘hit it’. DJ chetan would blare on the mic and rap to some hip hop tune ‘Welcome everybody to B2B- the place to be, enjoy your evening… let me see some hands in the air….here you go….’ And then suddenly the whole crowd on the dance floor would jump up and down in sync and throw their hands in the air.

The dark disco would light up with disco lights swirling from left to right. Champak would begin his lambada to any song virtually. He would squeeze his hands close to his body and do quirky footwork that nobody could catch! Each one would gradually start stepping on to the floor and do their own thing. Gattu had a peculiar dance step where she would stick her butt out like a duck and spread her hands on her sides like duck’s wings and sway from side to side. Ashi was so shy that she would not budge from her place and only look around and move slightly. Sleepy was the most stylish. She would dress up like a bomb and apply make up and get transformed on the floor. Hinna would only come if her brother and bhabhi accompanied her, so she was always the last to come and the energy would suddenly go up as she entered! Moniya, would only step in once beedi played and then there was no stopping. She would dance till she died. For me… I had no head no tail. One song needed to pep me up and I am on! I would find the closest speaker and stand under it. Music would give me a high that no spirit could ever. I was always under the speaker grooving to my dance style…. Till my favorite song played and I joined the centre again. I dint bother, who was looking at me or how I looked when I dance. I still don’t. It’s a trip for me like a shot! Atul, had the funniest form of dancing. He has described it in his blog in the best manner. ‘Showing off his own unique dancing style which was unmatched(it seemed like a snake was trying to climb a mountain, the guys hands and legs used to assume different polio like postures which would have even shocked a qualified surgeon)’. We would all ape him and he would feel so proud of it! Chaddu was the worst. She wouldn’t dance in the first place and is she did she would elbow and kill people around her with her histrionics.

Well, I took breaks between my dance displays for my back ache wouldn’t allow me to dance at a stretch. So these breaks were Tharak time for Atul and me. ‘ Dekh dekh, kya tota aya hai aaj…’was his standard line always. I would then scan the chick from head to toe and disapprove of her. And then was our time to rape everybody’s character standing in that one corner. ‘Yeh aaj ghar jaake na…. aaj to iski diwali hai…. Kya baapu bazaar chhap kapda daal ke aayi hai…. Iska charitra kuch thik nahi hai…’.
One thing we have seen, as soon as a popular number played, the entire crowd would roar which was supposed to be a happy welcoming sound and then they would all dance a common step harmoniously. Either throw their hands in the air and jump up and down or do a hand up and down step. Few of the famous popular songs for sync steps are ‘paathshala’, ‘aye mere dil tu gaaye ja’, ‘It’s the time to disco’, ‘where’s the party tonight’, ‘we will rock you’, as soon as ‘summer of 69’ played everybody would become Bryan Adams in multiples, strumming imaginary guitar’s and thumping their heads up and down wildly. Funny synchronized dancing. I really enjoyed watching these sync dances. All non-dancers enjoyed this one moment of glory where they knew one step well atleast! The signature step from the popular song from the time was what they danced to. I am not the, ‘ape a step’ kinds. I have my own dance style…. Out of sync from the crowd… I am ok with it. Atul cannot dance anyway!

But really, not just B2B, every nightclub that I have visited has the same set of people. It’s like a ‘copy-paste’ phenomenon. Same things happen… same kinda disc-etiquette is followed. Same hysteria when a hit song plays, same synchronized dancing to popular songs same shit. Apes haven’t evolved a bit.