Blued

I have just re-opened blogger i think i had to write something. Am feeling lost from the past few days and i feel like writing down everything that comes to my mind because when i am ok i want to remember how it is to be lost.

Sometimes the perks of being SANE do not really remain perks forever. It becomes a compulsion then to be sane all the time even when you don' really feel like it. Its worse to pretend to be so. So lame i feel today sitting in front of the screen not knowing what to write. This is happening for the first time that i am at loss of words. The urge to write still persists.

The gloom in the weather is adding to my blues. Even the vapors from the hot cuppa tea are clouding my mind. Sane, i want to be, but somehow the defination of sanity has changed to me. I think a lot these days, atleast i try to. And i am thinking that need can make you so weak sometimes. Psychologically you get into the begging mode and become small. Its a demotivator. There are occasions when you hesitate to ask even for small things pens and pencils imagine asking for love affection and attention from someone. Things can be really cruel at such times. I am talking about a friend who was very jovial and forthcoming but suddenly turned her back when i asked for a favor, personal and professional. I was slightly dissapointed but i understood quickly how weak i must have looked to her for her to turn her back on me ignore me and block me from her mind. I felt pretty disgusted about it for sometime. Even about myself for a while till i realised anybody who asks for anything, however worthy he may be, will always bend down hence look smaller to you.

Anyway, I am dazed and i must do something to get over my blues before i get choked.