One more ready to walk the aisle. The wedding bells and the vows. Its wedding season approaching and i sniff in the air what will happen in Oct/Nov/Dec. I will unfortunately have to disappoint a lot of my friends by not attending their weddings and its not because of any other reason but the very fact that i am scared of them.
Its overwhelming to see weddings in a lot of sense. One i feel 'Thats it!' two i feel its a long clumsy affair. No matter how much you spend and do for others its always less. Not a single wedding i have attended where people do not crib about something or the other. All they like to do is dress up gaudily and sulk about other's appearances and money. Three i feel its nerve wrecking more for the girl coz her world changes completely. Four, Indian weddings are way to expensive and loud and that makes them even scarier. And five, most aunty's are on a look out with hawk eyes for 'suitable/marriageable' bakras to fix them up with some arbit distant relative of theirs. Albeit its a memory of a life time for the two who get married (Positive and negative) i hate attending weddings for all these simple reasons.
Am not anti institution, its just that some things are not made for some people and attending weddings is totally not for me. But to think of it, its perhaps the most cherished dream for a woman. Every woman no matter what socio economic class she belongs to, has a dream wedding in her mind and a dream life. That includes me. I wouldn't lie. Two of my friends got married early this year, 4 would tie the knot this year end... one after the other all of them would be gone... wish them all a very good life and happiness.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Mumbai Meri Jaan
We all think it cannot happen to us... we all feel constantly that we cannot be victims, we all are fools to be thinking so, because tragedy doesn't care what you think, who you are and what you want to become. Tragedy has its own fate written that can go against anybody's fate! Stop thinking it can't hit you.
I watched Mumbai Meri Jaan last night and it made me think how unsure and insecure life is actually. Today we are relaxed, thinking about my future. We have invested money in insurance policies, saved enough for dry days ahead but we never know how soon and when the dry day will come in our life. Disaster or tragedy has no sound... it doesnt ring alarms before it arrives... After watching the movie i am worried how my tomorrow will be. The tomorrow that i am working hard for today,the tomorrow that is the most cherished dream that i wish will come true someday... a tomorrow that perhaps will never be!?
The movie has touched my senses in all ways. I felt tears in my eyes on watching a movie, after a really long time. Compelling direction and stunning performances have brought out the bright side of the blasts unlike most movies that leave it in the dark. For me the movie wasn't about the blasts, it was about conquests! Personal conquests... that over fear and insecurities. Fear of being scared, fear of losing your dear ones, fear of doing something that you want to do, fear of not being accepted for who you are, fear of accepting the truth, fear of being who you are. The tragedy is just a backdrop that stimulates these fears and surfaces them in the name of a blast. The protagonists fight their personal fears to come out as heroes.
The crux of it all lies in just the one dialogue that Paresh Rawal says to KK (i'd leave it to you all to watch the film and figure) and sums up how most things violent and unpleasant can come to an end. Its scary to think of a future where the next generation will be born with blast sounds around and get use to it like we are right now use to honking of vehicles. Just a vision of the world full of terrorism sens shivers down my spine. Like they show in the movies, the universal tint will be yellow because the sun will have to find its way down to earth through the thick could of smoke from bombs. there would be only ramshackle houses and buildings and people would be living underground without food and water supplies. Children would play with shells and gun powder... schools will teach how to use weapons. There would be only army people guarding their territories fiercely and all the Osama's of the world would have the last laugh. It all started with a Blue planet and will end into a red! Tomorrow is coming sooner than the blink of an eye!
I watched Mumbai Meri Jaan last night and it made me think how unsure and insecure life is actually. Today we are relaxed, thinking about my future. We have invested money in insurance policies, saved enough for dry days ahead but we never know how soon and when the dry day will come in our life. Disaster or tragedy has no sound... it doesnt ring alarms before it arrives... After watching the movie i am worried how my tomorrow will be. The tomorrow that i am working hard for today,the tomorrow that is the most cherished dream that i wish will come true someday... a tomorrow that perhaps will never be!?
The movie has touched my senses in all ways. I felt tears in my eyes on watching a movie, after a really long time. Compelling direction and stunning performances have brought out the bright side of the blasts unlike most movies that leave it in the dark. For me the movie wasn't about the blasts, it was about conquests! Personal conquests... that over fear and insecurities. Fear of being scared, fear of losing your dear ones, fear of doing something that you want to do, fear of not being accepted for who you are, fear of accepting the truth, fear of being who you are. The tragedy is just a backdrop that stimulates these fears and surfaces them in the name of a blast. The protagonists fight their personal fears to come out as heroes.
The crux of it all lies in just the one dialogue that Paresh Rawal says to KK (i'd leave it to you all to watch the film and figure) and sums up how most things violent and unpleasant can come to an end. Its scary to think of a future where the next generation will be born with blast sounds around and get use to it like we are right now use to honking of vehicles. Just a vision of the world full of terrorism sens shivers down my spine. Like they show in the movies, the universal tint will be yellow because the sun will have to find its way down to earth through the thick could of smoke from bombs. there would be only ramshackle houses and buildings and people would be living underground without food and water supplies. Children would play with shells and gun powder... schools will teach how to use weapons. There would be only army people guarding their territories fiercely and all the Osama's of the world would have the last laugh. It all started with a Blue planet and will end into a red! Tomorrow is coming sooner than the blink of an eye!
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Monday, August 25, 2008
God is Sold
It struck me at 10pm... i quickly had dinner and changed into more 'temple' like clothes and left for Hare Rama Hare Krishna temple. I am glad its just a few minutes away from home but i knew the que would be long and tiring. i reached at 11 just to see the mad rush and festivities. Its fun to be part of celebrations anywhere.
As i approached the temple premise the sound of bhajan and aarti grew stronger. People rushing towards to the temple in flocks to catch a good glimpse of the Lord whose birthday it was. Everybody had a fulfilling smile on their face like it was their own child's birthday. The vicinity was buzzing with chants and takes you into a trance. Well, i walked up to the temple and couldnt find the entrance so i checked with the inquiry. The first question they asked me was 'do you have a pass?' i said 'what pass?' he said pass as in VIP Pass? i said no... why would one need a VIP pass for a temple darshan? he bluntly and rudely said 'madam udhar jao... aapka line udhar hai'. I was hurt.. no because he spoke rudely to me but because he just sold God to a few privileged who had cannot stand in the line perhaps are too lazy and want even God to differentiate between his disciples. I got in and as i entered the discrimination was evident. A special line for pass holders that went straight to the where the idol was and for us petty people we had to make good with a few meters away from God, with people behind us pushing us forward and squishing us in the line. Nice! I am so happy to see even God is sold today. Clear and apparent demarcation between the rich and petty... women loaded with jewelery and money made it straight to the idol... gave hordes of donations and left in chauffeur driven Mercs.
Does it make them special to God? Does it mean that they gain closer access to God? Does it mean that God will be more attentive to their lives and bless them with special kindness? What does this VIP pass mean after all? We have really commercialized temples and God to our convenience. Its a sad state... one place where if he doesnt differentiate why should we? But the fact is God is Sold... actually our souls are sold!
As i approached the temple premise the sound of bhajan and aarti grew stronger. People rushing towards to the temple in flocks to catch a good glimpse of the Lord whose birthday it was. Everybody had a fulfilling smile on their face like it was their own child's birthday. The vicinity was buzzing with chants and takes you into a trance. Well, i walked up to the temple and couldnt find the entrance so i checked with the inquiry. The first question they asked me was 'do you have a pass?' i said 'what pass?' he said pass as in VIP Pass? i said no... why would one need a VIP pass for a temple darshan? he bluntly and rudely said 'madam udhar jao... aapka line udhar hai'. I was hurt.. no because he spoke rudely to me but because he just sold God to a few privileged who had cannot stand in the line perhaps are too lazy and want even God to differentiate between his disciples. I got in and as i entered the discrimination was evident. A special line for pass holders that went straight to the where the idol was and for us petty people we had to make good with a few meters away from God, with people behind us pushing us forward and squishing us in the line. Nice! I am so happy to see even God is sold today. Clear and apparent demarcation between the rich and petty... women loaded with jewelery and money made it straight to the idol... gave hordes of donations and left in chauffeur driven Mercs.
Does it make them special to God? Does it mean that they gain closer access to God? Does it mean that God will be more attentive to their lives and bless them with special kindness? What does this VIP pass mean after all? We have really commercialized temples and God to our convenience. Its a sad state... one place where if he doesnt differentiate why should we? But the fact is God is Sold... actually our souls are sold!
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Kalam Ruk Gayi
Fir kalam chalte chalte ruk gayi
Syaahi jam hai shayad
Thode jhatke se chal to padegi
Magar toot jaaye toh?
Kabhi socha nahi tha
Likhne se pehle
Ke aaj kya likhenge
Saaf kaagaz par
Dimag ke fitur ko likhne ki koshish hoti hai
Jo shuru kiya dil ka haal likhna
To kalam chalte chalte ruk gayi
Syaahi jam hai shayad
Thode jhatke se chal to padegi
Magar toot jaaye toh?
Syaahi jam hai shayad
Thode jhatke se chal to padegi
Magar toot jaaye toh?
Kabhi socha nahi tha
Likhne se pehle
Ke aaj kya likhenge
Saaf kaagaz par
Dimag ke fitur ko likhne ki koshish hoti hai
Jo shuru kiya dil ka haal likhna
To kalam chalte chalte ruk gayi
Syaahi jam hai shayad
Thode jhatke se chal to padegi
Magar toot jaaye toh?
the restless mind
and they lived happily ever after...
Ya that's a Cinderella ending anybody would wish for. All's well that ends well... but what if it doesnt end? Its vicious sometime... don't you feel like the hamster in the treadmill who keeps running endlessly without realising his run will never end, unless he decides to jump out. And sometimes thats the solution. Sometimes when the world is round you have to find another shape to fit yourself in.
Me and my roomie have spent all of today just lazing around in the house. Practially done nothing but punch in our laptops all day... i played games... she was editing her movie and i was rotting in my mind. This cycle of thots is endless. I cannot divert my mind elsewhere today and this has been like it for many days now. Just constant thots about everything and anything its almost garbage. This can't be called 'thinking' because that is voluntary but with me its an automated process. The moment i wake up my mind picks up at 440kmph in a second and it only stops when i sleep. I dont remember my dreams thats because my mind or the sub-conscious has no one thot to weave a dream about!
Like i said i rarely get headaches and thats only when i am supremely stressed, i can't sit down to begin de-stressing myself bcoz my mind begins to wander. In a psychologists term i am going mad.
Not everything has a happy ending... somethings just end.. without a thot or emotion. Thats when too many emotions go into it and suddenly it becomes too overbearing. The hurt, the pain, the tears, the joy, the smile and simple things attached are no longer special. I actually believe (still) that everything has a happy ending... if its not happy its not the end... but may be somethings dont end either. They just dissolve. Meaninglessly... somethings never end....
Nevertheless, these fleeting thots i know can be put to rest only when i want to, i want to put an end to it but i can't catch hold of a single thot, the thots just keep going on and dont stop... but i know only i can stop my thots but....
Ya that's a Cinderella ending anybody would wish for. All's well that ends well... but what if it doesnt end? Its vicious sometime... don't you feel like the hamster in the treadmill who keeps running endlessly without realising his run will never end, unless he decides to jump out. And sometimes thats the solution. Sometimes when the world is round you have to find another shape to fit yourself in.
Me and my roomie have spent all of today just lazing around in the house. Practially done nothing but punch in our laptops all day... i played games... she was editing her movie and i was rotting in my mind. This cycle of thots is endless. I cannot divert my mind elsewhere today and this has been like it for many days now. Just constant thots about everything and anything its almost garbage. This can't be called 'thinking' because that is voluntary but with me its an automated process. The moment i wake up my mind picks up at 440kmph in a second and it only stops when i sleep. I dont remember my dreams thats because my mind or the sub-conscious has no one thot to weave a dream about!
Like i said i rarely get headaches and thats only when i am supremely stressed, i can't sit down to begin de-stressing myself bcoz my mind begins to wander. In a psychologists term i am going mad.
Not everything has a happy ending... somethings just end.. without a thot or emotion. Thats when too many emotions go into it and suddenly it becomes too overbearing. The hurt, the pain, the tears, the joy, the smile and simple things attached are no longer special. I actually believe (still) that everything has a happy ending... if its not happy its not the end... but may be somethings dont end either. They just dissolve. Meaninglessly... somethings never end....
Nevertheless, these fleeting thots i know can be put to rest only when i want to, i want to put an end to it but i can't catch hold of a single thot, the thots just keep going on and dont stop... but i know only i can stop my thots but....
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Men-tal things
Just back from a sumptuous dinner at Trishna. Somebody else had a feast at our cost tonyt... this uncle from US of the A (on some other table. I'd be rather embarrassed to have an uncle like him)! He chewed on our brains for a good 2 hours until we left, he paid for the food and drinks and chewed on us for free. He was so high and so loud that everybody, by the time each one of us left, would have known all his distance kins. I know by now that he lives in New Jersey with his family, he likes Houston and thinks its the best place to live in outside India, its good that his sister did not sell off her New York property and that the board outside CST spelt 'shit' instead 'sheet' in hindi!
Men can be such sham sometimes i feel. They feel they are the best bred species on the planet and nothing is wrong with them but thats not true! Have you ever noticed things about men in general?
> Men take longer than women to dress up! and the dressing up begins with 30 mins of crap time!
> Men will never admit to having an ego but strike the wrong and then see the fun!
> Men gossip as much as women do, i guess more sometimes
> When a man enters a pub/public place, he will glance through the space and check out every girl magically with the corner of his eyes. And that is even if he has a girlfriend around his arms
> Every man likes to be admired but they don't admit to it.
> this is something i have observed in almost all men alike. Whenever they see a mirror or anything that reflects they HAVE to stand by and brush their hair or crease their shirt. Its so awesomely funny...
Men when they are drunk are the funniest species on earth i swear! it's such a show that i'd stay up to see all the fun. So many times my friends got drunk and had the same things to say over and over again that i almost know what will come next...the most common things i've heard are
> Tu toh mera bhai hai bhai
> Tu mera sachha yaar hai
> Merko chadhi nahi hai... yeh to kuch bhi nahi hai, main to aur bhi pii sakta hoon!
> Saala aa tujhe batata hoon... himmat hai to aa...teri toh *&%#@#&(
> Main tujhse ek dil ki baat kehna chahta hoon...
> jeevan mithya hai baaki sab ch^$%^% hai...
> maa ki aankh duniyadari ki..Bhaad mein jaaye duniya(3rd peg)
> phir phone nahi utha rahi...(4th peg)
Well anyway... i am darn sleepy ryt now, i rarely get headaches and my temples are pounding ryt now. Need to sleep to fix it!
Men can be such sham sometimes i feel. They feel they are the best bred species on the planet and nothing is wrong with them but thats not true! Have you ever noticed things about men in general?
> Men take longer than women to dress up! and the dressing up begins with 30 mins of crap time!
> Men will never admit to having an ego but strike the wrong and then see the fun!
> Men gossip as much as women do, i guess more sometimes
> When a man enters a pub/public place, he will glance through the space and check out every girl magically with the corner of his eyes. And that is even if he has a girlfriend around his arms
> Every man likes to be admired but they don't admit to it.
> this is something i have observed in almost all men alike. Whenever they see a mirror or anything that reflects they HAVE to stand by and brush their hair or crease their shirt. Its so awesomely funny...
Men when they are drunk are the funniest species on earth i swear! it's such a show that i'd stay up to see all the fun. So many times my friends got drunk and had the same things to say over and over again that i almost know what will come next...the most common things i've heard are
> Tu toh mera bhai hai bhai
> Tu mera sachha yaar hai
> Merko chadhi nahi hai... yeh to kuch bhi nahi hai, main to aur bhi pii sakta hoon!
> Saala aa tujhe batata hoon... himmat hai to aa...teri toh *&%#@#&(
> Main tujhse ek dil ki baat kehna chahta hoon...
> jeevan mithya hai baaki sab ch^$%^% hai...
> maa ki aankh duniyadari ki..Bhaad mein jaaye duniya(3rd peg)
> phir phone nahi utha rahi...(4th peg)
Well anyway... i am darn sleepy ryt now, i rarely get headaches and my temples are pounding ryt now. Need to sleep to fix it!
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Raat
Raat…
Gehri raat
Kaali raat
Andheri raat
Mayoos raat
Sadko pe sirf kutte hain
Gine chune do log hain
Nukkad pe beedi cigarette
Aur kambal odhe footpath par palte sapne
Kitni ghinoni hai raat
Kitni manhoos hai raat
Na kuch dikhta hai na
Kuch samjhta hai… bas kaali raat
Din achha hai…
Sab dikhta hai
Bhale hi woh chhalava ho
Aur andhere se bhi gehri andhapan ho
Magar din achha hai!
Kyon din pasand hai?
Sirf roshni ke liye?
Shayad raat ko dekhne ka nazariya badal do
To raat bhi achhi lagey
Na bhoolein
Jo din, din bhar thakata hai
Wahin raat chain dilate hai
Jo din aankh moondne ka waqt nahi deta
Wahi raat ko sapne ka shahar basata hai
To raat buri kahan hui?
Shayad humein hi andhere se darr lagta ho
Kyonki humne gehrayi mein jhaankne ki aadat nahi rahi
Raat…
Gehri kaali andheri ho ya mayoos
Din ke ujalon ko chutti dekar do pal sulati hai raat
Taaki uske jaane par fir subah ho sakey.
Gehri raat
Kaali raat
Andheri raat
Mayoos raat
Sadko pe sirf kutte hain
Gine chune do log hain
Nukkad pe beedi cigarette
Aur kambal odhe footpath par palte sapne
Kitni ghinoni hai raat
Kitni manhoos hai raat
Na kuch dikhta hai na
Kuch samjhta hai… bas kaali raat
Din achha hai…
Sab dikhta hai
Bhale hi woh chhalava ho
Aur andhere se bhi gehri andhapan ho
Magar din achha hai!
Kyon din pasand hai?
Sirf roshni ke liye?
Shayad raat ko dekhne ka nazariya badal do
To raat bhi achhi lagey
Na bhoolein
Jo din, din bhar thakata hai
Wahin raat chain dilate hai
Jo din aankh moondne ka waqt nahi deta
Wahi raat ko sapne ka shahar basata hai
To raat buri kahan hui?
Shayad humein hi andhere se darr lagta ho
Kyonki humne gehrayi mein jhaankne ki aadat nahi rahi
Raat…
Gehri kaali andheri ho ya mayoos
Din ke ujalon ko chutti dekar do pal sulati hai raat
Taaki uske jaane par fir subah ho sakey.
Monday, August 18, 2008
Home coming
I am back from a long weekend and a lot of nostalgia from home town. Every visit home is always blissful. This time was a bit different. It was a homecoming of sorts. Everybody from all corners of the planet had come down for an ex-indore mirchi alumni and it had to be fun.
Its very warming to know that friends can really remain friends even if you meet them after years you'd still have more than a Hi! to say to them. We had to hit off instantly sharing gossip from the time we parted to the latest buzz in life. We couldnt stop talking for all the time we were together. The loud music and booze only raised our spirits ;-)
Going back home was strangely different this time... i hope we have more such alumni in the years to come to reassure to ourselves that there is still goodness around and we re-live the best years of our lives over and over again...
Monday, August 11, 2008
Decolored in the sun
I finally awakened to the fact that i have officially become the "Old generation". Not funny at all... suddenly when i look into the mirror now i see grey hair popping out of my skull that i was hiding with my funny hair do for many years, i suddenly feel tired and haggard like i have walked a million miles, am feeling OLD! Yeah that's the word...OLD!
My roomie's sister is 24-25, the sisters friend is mentally 16 but must be 24 yrs old, my cousins are the same age bracket ie 24-25... my younger cousins are even younger... 21!!! Damn! I WAS 21 some 6 yrs ago! i already feel really really old and many generations away from them. There is genuinely such a lot of difference between all of us in terms of thinking, our likes and dislike and our expressions!
This young girl Anita (Anay-ta is how she calls herself!) likes Imraan Khan... how old is he...25! She can't stop drooling over him... i can't find him drool material from any angle whatsoever... am still stuck on Shahrukh Khan who has acted with a girl half his age... 23! who calls him UNCLE.. i mean UNCLE???? i have grown old really...
i feel out of place in most conversations with these young gangs...i dunno how uncomfortable they must be with a generation next like me... in my head i haven't crossed 23 though... i feel absolutely fine and rocking and quiet capable of doing most stupid things like a 16 yr old. But its only when such yuppy, juvenile and totally inane things happen to me that i realize i have grown to level two.
My hair have actually decolored due to age and not in the sun... i have to take it with a pinch of pepper and gulp it down without breathing... i haven't aged... i have matured (few english words that can console me for the time being ;) )
My roomie's sister is 24-25, the sisters friend is mentally 16 but must be 24 yrs old, my cousins are the same age bracket ie 24-25... my younger cousins are even younger... 21!!! Damn! I WAS 21 some 6 yrs ago! i already feel really really old and many generations away from them. There is genuinely such a lot of difference between all of us in terms of thinking, our likes and dislike and our expressions!
This young girl Anita (Anay-ta is how she calls herself!) likes Imraan Khan... how old is he...25! She can't stop drooling over him... i can't find him drool material from any angle whatsoever... am still stuck on Shahrukh Khan who has acted with a girl half his age... 23! who calls him UNCLE.. i mean UNCLE???? i have grown old really...
i feel out of place in most conversations with these young gangs...i dunno how uncomfortable they must be with a generation next like me... in my head i haven't crossed 23 though... i feel absolutely fine and rocking and quiet capable of doing most stupid things like a 16 yr old. But its only when such yuppy, juvenile and totally inane things happen to me that i realize i have grown to level two.
My hair have actually decolored due to age and not in the sun... i have to take it with a pinch of pepper and gulp it down without breathing... i haven't aged... i have matured (few english words that can console me for the time being ;) )
Sunday, August 10, 2008
A matter of change!
I am undergoing a makeover. Change of wardrobe, change of look change of attitude! I guess the most crucial change in me is the change of attitude. I have been contemplating this change for a long time now, trying to introspect and find my soul again. I had exalted everything in my life including the sob and the upbeat.
You know the bit of soul searching always ends at U! I am glad it din't take me zillion years to figure that out. All the change of attire look and exterior is more to do with how to instantly feel good. Clothes are just emblematic of your present state of mind. If you're bright and chirpy you tend to dress upbeat. If your gloomy it reflects in the way you dress... you'd pick the shabbiest dress, not iron it and just not bother. Clothes are a very cursory thing of your mind. But i am fine with it... if my exterior changes noticeably i feel good inside and i atleast begin the process of change. Well so looking forward to meeting people who care and trigger the process of change in me.
I already feel better and i loving every bit of the change.
You know the bit of soul searching always ends at U! I am glad it din't take me zillion years to figure that out. All the change of attire look and exterior is more to do with how to instantly feel good. Clothes are just emblematic of your present state of mind. If you're bright and chirpy you tend to dress upbeat. If your gloomy it reflects in the way you dress... you'd pick the shabbiest dress, not iron it and just not bother. Clothes are a very cursory thing of your mind. But i am fine with it... if my exterior changes noticeably i feel good inside and i atleast begin the process of change. Well so looking forward to meeting people who care and trigger the process of change in me.
I already feel better and i loving every bit of the change.
Thursday, August 07, 2008
Reminisce
'Ya ru ba ru... oh chaddu i love u....'
I couldnt stop laughing every time he sang this song! .. and she blushed... ran around... trying to duck him.. and he chased her.. the whole office witnessed this mad love story that wasn't one! He'd sing this song to her and she's beat him up every time. I just saw the video today and remembered good ol times.
I miss most things in life that time has taken away. I enjoyed them then, i cherish them now. Little did i know then that those moments that i was living will be engraved on my mind forever like fossils and whenever they are uncovered, they will only be pleasant surprises. I grew as a wild child breaking people's windows, ruining property and beating other kids up. Too bad, but i loved it. I had my favorite picks in the group who would get trashed everytime they appeared in front of me. Vaidehi was one of them, although we all feared her bulldozer mom and her amrish puri dad but nonetheless it was always fun to pick on her. She would happily volunteer to get fooled. My next bait was Gaurav who so sick and slimy that one could easily mistake him for a sloth. He got slapped everyday. While i picked on people i was usually the sheep in school, had to be.. that's a kinda balancing act. But i was never bullied fortunately.
I am self confessed insult machine and can never talk straight to anybody. It's a kick i get by pulling sarcy jokes at people. While in Jaipur aashi was the center of all my insults for her stature and gluttony, natasha for her blondness and shilpi for her slowness, i had most fun with Chaddu and Atul.
Indore has given me best of friends... going out in the middle of the shows for chai breaks... looooooooong drives about 5 kms LOL (Indore ends beyond that)pubbing out with girls and scandalizing people, looooooooong chats in office conf room that had no head no tail... playing out songs loudly and breaking into a dance when clients would walk in totally shocked! Prateek would come and draw his stick figurines on my white board and every place that he could scribble on... iti sang out songs that we never understood... charu and her sutta and gussa... deepta with her gyanvani... kunal and his eccentricity...Life was good really... clean fun of growing up days with the first office which will never be forgotten. Charu, Iti, Deepta... Kunal... ur the best...
Jaipur has been the most tenure so far where work was really fun. I was on my own, out of home for the first time and i made the most of it. Late nyts,without permissions or questions asked... eating trash... watching tv till late nyts... friends.. partying...
I can only remember good times and smile i lived them. Thanks to all who have been a part of my good times!
I couldnt stop laughing every time he sang this song! .. and she blushed... ran around... trying to duck him.. and he chased her.. the whole office witnessed this mad love story that wasn't one! He'd sing this song to her and she's beat him up every time. I just saw the video today and remembered good ol times.
I miss most things in life that time has taken away. I enjoyed them then, i cherish them now. Little did i know then that those moments that i was living will be engraved on my mind forever like fossils and whenever they are uncovered, they will only be pleasant surprises. I grew as a wild child breaking people's windows, ruining property and beating other kids up. Too bad, but i loved it. I had my favorite picks in the group who would get trashed everytime they appeared in front of me. Vaidehi was one of them, although we all feared her bulldozer mom and her amrish puri dad but nonetheless it was always fun to pick on her. She would happily volunteer to get fooled. My next bait was Gaurav who so sick and slimy that one could easily mistake him for a sloth. He got slapped everyday. While i picked on people i was usually the sheep in school, had to be.. that's a kinda balancing act. But i was never bullied fortunately.
I am self confessed insult machine and can never talk straight to anybody. It's a kick i get by pulling sarcy jokes at people. While in Jaipur aashi was the center of all my insults for her stature and gluttony, natasha for her blondness and shilpi for her slowness, i had most fun with Chaddu and Atul.
Indore has given me best of friends... going out in the middle of the shows for chai breaks... looooooooong drives about 5 kms LOL (Indore ends beyond that)pubbing out with girls and scandalizing people, looooooooong chats in office conf room that had no head no tail... playing out songs loudly and breaking into a dance when clients would walk in totally shocked! Prateek would come and draw his stick figurines on my white board and every place that he could scribble on... iti sang out songs that we never understood... charu and her sutta and gussa... deepta with her gyanvani... kunal and his eccentricity...Life was good really... clean fun of growing up days with the first office which will never be forgotten. Charu, Iti, Deepta... Kunal... ur the best...
Jaipur has been the most tenure so far where work was really fun. I was on my own, out of home for the first time and i made the most of it. Late nyts,without permissions or questions asked... eating trash... watching tv till late nyts... friends.. partying...
I can only remember good times and smile i lived them. Thanks to all who have been a part of my good times!
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
Standing Alone
Here i am...
Its cold out here
the breeze on my face is only freezing my expression
as i churn my teeth not because of cold
but because of resentment.
from here i can only see everything down below
and it doesnt look as good as it looked up above.
its just too cold up here
as i try to blanket my self
i keep away a lot of things
but hey! i am after all protecting myself.
am not arrogant, nor am i prudish
i am saving my energies
coz if have to go down,
its a long walk up again
here i am
alone
with every thing looking closer than ever
yet so far
every twinkle of the star
every ray of the sun
every depression of the moon
was an illusion that shattered too soon
here i am
gathering every bit of me
that was swept away by the cold breeze
igniting the warmth inside
Here i am
Standing alone
only to turn around and see
that your standing by me!
Monday, July 28, 2008
3 din ki baarish
Kya thakte nahi badal itna baras ke
Phoot kar rone ka maza inhe bhi aata hai
Thodi chid chidahat hawa ke roop mein
Thoda aandhi mein gussa
Bijli mein khaul uthna gusse se
Jo koi na sune to chupke se aansoo bahate hain
Sara ghar sar par to yeh bhi uthate hain
Poora drama hone pe subak subak siskiyan bhi lete hain
Hum bore ho jaayein par ye nahi ho sakte hain
Kya badal baras ke nahi thakte hain?
Phoot kar rone ka maza inhe bhi aata hai
Thodi chid chidahat hawa ke roop mein
Thoda aandhi mein gussa
Bijli mein khaul uthna gusse se
Jo koi na sune to chupke se aansoo bahate hain
Sara ghar sar par to yeh bhi uthate hain
Poora drama hone pe subak subak siskiyan bhi lete hain
Hum bore ho jaayein par ye nahi ho sakte hain
Kya badal baras ke nahi thakte hain?
Why So Serious Son??? Lets Bring A Smile Upon That Face
Heath Ledger (1979-2008)- I only do this because I'm having fun. The day I stop having fun, I'll just walk away - Vanity Fair,August 2000
There are no accidents my friend... every thing is planned somewhere. Every movement is a result of some action that happened somewhere. Nothing dies, it only replenishes to make way for new life. Heath Ledger is immortalized today as 'The Joker' he hasn't died, he will live on forever from now.
A performance that will be remembered for centuries to come. This role was made to immortalize Heath Ledger - Long Live!!!!
Friday, July 25, 2008
get a life
She is back home with bags full of linking road! This happens every month. Its scary to go out with her bcoz her sole purpose of going out is shopping! And the chik who leaves home with one wallet returns with trolley full of trash. She cannot talk about anything but clothes, fashion and beauty and i am exactly the opposite. Nothing in the world can convince me that life is just about spending money. Nothing in the world can convince me that company doesn't matter or there aren't better things to do in life.
The scariest thought for me is to not have like-minded people around me who talk like me, who walk like me. I don't hold any diminutive thoughts for people who like talking all this but how long can one talk about boys, clothes and beauty??? Or perhaps i am not cut for such gentry.
They are all over me, all around me. When they meet their eyes glance over my clothes, my appearance inspecting everything i wear every move i make. Their conversations often begin with 'Aah you'r looking so wotever' and then opening a mutual admiration club and moving on to exchanging shopping details like 'kahan se laayi', do you think i care? Or anybody does for that matter? I get intimidated by such looks, people and places that are only full of superficiality becoz i am a total misfit here. If i sense any bit of it around i seclude instantly. My mind just doesn't supply words to my mouth and i am dumbfounded in the middle of it! Perhaps its a defense mechanism to battle out with the 'other side'. Thats because i do not have great expectations from people, but even then i get disappointed.
Am very very possessive about my environment. I need no change in it coz i can't accept it. I am very comfortable in my skin however rude, sarcastic or freckled it is. In my current scenario i feel totally out of place. I am trying very hard to move out of my shell to break into an unknown territory of 'people on the other side'. They aren't too welcoming either but all i know is i am not ready for this change. For me life is beyond boys, shopping, clothes, beauty and make up. Its about me! Its about my people, my friends, my passion, my dream. However narcissist it may sound, it cannot be driven by circumstances out of my control... the above mentioned peeves all come and go like trends and can never determine my life, any body's life rather.
For all who live a life like that i can only say "all the best, get a life". Right now i am in the middle of no where, trying to find familiarity in total strangeness, longing to have some 'my kind of fun' with 'my kind of people', i hope i am not demanding too much.
The scariest thought for me is to not have like-minded people around me who talk like me, who walk like me. I don't hold any diminutive thoughts for people who like talking all this but how long can one talk about boys, clothes and beauty??? Or perhaps i am not cut for such gentry.
They are all over me, all around me. When they meet their eyes glance over my clothes, my appearance inspecting everything i wear every move i make. Their conversations often begin with 'Aah you'r looking so wotever' and then opening a mutual admiration club and moving on to exchanging shopping details like 'kahan se laayi', do you think i care? Or anybody does for that matter? I get intimidated by such looks, people and places that are only full of superficiality becoz i am a total misfit here. If i sense any bit of it around i seclude instantly. My mind just doesn't supply words to my mouth and i am dumbfounded in the middle of it! Perhaps its a defense mechanism to battle out with the 'other side'. Thats because i do not have great expectations from people, but even then i get disappointed.
Am very very possessive about my environment. I need no change in it coz i can't accept it. I am very comfortable in my skin however rude, sarcastic or freckled it is. In my current scenario i feel totally out of place. I am trying very hard to move out of my shell to break into an unknown territory of 'people on the other side'. They aren't too welcoming either but all i know is i am not ready for this change. For me life is beyond boys, shopping, clothes, beauty and make up. Its about me! Its about my people, my friends, my passion, my dream. However narcissist it may sound, it cannot be driven by circumstances out of my control... the above mentioned peeves all come and go like trends and can never determine my life, any body's life rather.
For all who live a life like that i can only say "all the best, get a life". Right now i am in the middle of no where, trying to find familiarity in total strangeness, longing to have some 'my kind of fun' with 'my kind of people', i hope i am not demanding too much.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Sister's Act 1
Words of wisdom from my sister!
> Feel pleasure of Life in every second. Never be 'angry' or 'sad' bcoz every 1minute of anger or sadness you loose 60secs of happiness
> Judge me all you want, just keep the verdict to yourself
> One of the reasons why people hold on to memories so tight is b'coz memories are the only thing that don't change when everyone else does
> We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us
> Don't cry b'coz it over, smile b'coz it happened
> Pay no attention to what the critics say; A statue has never been erected in honor of a critic.
All this came last night! Perfect timing i must say. Thank you sister :)
> Feel pleasure of Life in every second. Never be 'angry' or 'sad' bcoz every 1minute of anger or sadness you loose 60secs of happiness
> Judge me all you want, just keep the verdict to yourself
> One of the reasons why people hold on to memories so tight is b'coz memories are the only thing that don't change when everyone else does
> We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us
> Don't cry b'coz it over, smile b'coz it happened
> Pay no attention to what the critics say; A statue has never been erected in honor of a critic.
All this came last night! Perfect timing i must say. Thank you sister :)
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
He-Man and the Master's of the Universe
1983, i was 2 yrs old when He Man was first made. I don't remember exactly how old i must've been when i first saw it on tv, i guess i was 7-8. He-Man was the most powerful man in the universe, every time the titles rolled i would smile from ear to ear.
" He-Man, and the master of the universe
I am Adam, Prince of Eternia defender of the secrets of Castle Greyskull.... By the power of GreySkull!!!!"
9am was when Doordarshan aired these cartoons on a Sunday. I woke up early even on Sundays just to catch these. I simply loved it. didn't you have your favorites that you'd never miss? Does anyone remember Fairy Tales on Doordarshan? or My Little Pony... There was Disney Club once and Ducktales and Tales Spin... Oh yeah the Jungle Book... and Potli baba Ki.. and the best TOM & JERRY...those days were bliss! Some yummy sunday special breakfast of scrambled eggs made by my dad, the TV on and time would fly.
I watched cartoons till some 3 years ago until the Japanese cartoon invasion happened and suddenly the dreamland was filled with bloodshed, rude remarks, semi nude female animations and hopeless story lines. I watched a lot of Dexter and Johnny Bravo, Garfield i remember came on then Star Plus english at 6 am and i got up early to see it... i watched roadrunner and almost any cartoon that made me smile. I feel sad for today's generation for not having had the pleasure of watching good quality cartoons these days.
Sad for them who think cartoons are Shin Chan, Ben ten and other trash on tv and think that's the best thing. I miss those days of non-commercialised TV content. The aim then was purely naive unadulterated entertainment. Everything that went on air was quality and extremely high recall, be it chandrakanta, banegi apni baat, neev, yeh jo hai jindagi etc...
Nostalgia is a great way to exercise the mind. Its supreme fun to remember things from the past and re-live the days in a way. We often sit with friends and in conversations the past good things becomes a natural conversation maker. One after the other we would sit and remember 'oh did u see Rajni ka that episode?'... or 'Do u remember that episode of Dexter where Dee Dee presses all the buttons in his lab and destroys it?' ok... can u guess this tune 'hmmm....nanana....lalalahmmmm' and the whole group would be miserable if they din't remember!
Some things become fond memories that stay embedded in our minds forever, that even after disappearing from the face of the earth if emerge in your mind will always bring a smile on your face. The sole purpose of any cartoon is giving us a few moments of stress free time and i hope as they improve quality of animation they also improve the stories and concepts.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Love After Love by Derek Walcott
The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other's welcome,
and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you
all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,
the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.
My friend sent this to me in my mail today morning. Thanks :D
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Loo La La
I was chatting with my friend last night about how i haven't had the time to read a book at all in the past so many days. So we started talking about how people can manage to read in the Loo even! I guess it the most common habit to read in the loo which i personally detest but i know a lot of people read. I wonder how they manage to read in the loo when they are doing their thing!
A study says that on an average people spend 1.5 yrs of their life in the loo. That is helluva lot of time. But the big question is what do people do in the loo! With 560,000 words, Leo Tolstoy's War and Peace takes the average reader 31 hours to complete.So with men spending an average one hour and 45 minutes on the loo each week and women 85 minutes, we could all read the epic twice a year.
For me, the loo is one place where i know i won't be disturbed. The phone is away, people are outside, there is nothing that one can do until you open the door... its a blissful time of solitude! 45% people in the world hold the same opinion i say...Most creative people get their genius ideas when they are here. One of my friend has a large loo with a book shelf inside!
People have strange loo habits. Kids sing out in the loo, many read books, some play video games, some can paint their nails sitting inside while most paint the loo itself ;-), some talk on phone (disgusting for the other person on phone to listen to obscene sounds), some smoke, some sip tea and some can actually brush their teeth!
While i still reserve my thoughts on loo time usage,i still believe its the most peaceful time in the world and the act, the most relieving! I am a sorta potty fan and i can go on about it for hours. Potty jokes, potty poems potty anything... its not gross really coz its something very natural and if you dont crap, that's a problem! I mean look at how far people can take their potty obsession - I had seen this Toilet restaurant in Taiwan on TV their interior is potty seats, they serve food in bowls in the shape of potty seats, their food is made to LOOK like potty and they serve it like scoops of potty! HAHAHAHA i mean a potty freak like me would be grossed out completely!
There have been numerous books and poetries written about Potty and ages spent on understanding the bliss of it.
Do let me know if you have come across any strange potty habit, i'd love to post it here!
Monday, July 14, 2008
Aaj for a change..
Aaj for a change
Table pe padi book
mujhe ghoor rahi hai
ke kab itne dino se
mude huye panno ko kholungi
kab uski bhi jindagi
uss panne se aagey badhegi
kitne dino se
subah ki chai pi hai
mere sath us book ne
kitni baar mera lunch
Taste kiya hai
roz hi mere kharrato
se apni bhi neend bigadi hai
kahan roz main
padhte padhte neend ko bulati thi
kitni baar kitaab ko ghoor ke socha
ke aaj to bas, khatam hi kar dungi
na jaane kitne phone number
Store kiye hain anginat panno mein
Na jaane kitni baar mere
Phone pe gappe sune hain
Jab bhi yaad rakhna hota mujhe
Kitaab ke kaan marod ke rakh deti
Ke agle din mile wahi panna
Bhool gayi hoon bahut kuch
Padhna, share karna, hasna
Ignore kiya tha book ko
Aaj yaad dila rahi hai sab kuch!
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