Endless dream

You sleep every night only to wake up with a new dream everyday. But here am not going to talk about the daily dreams, i am talking about the big dreams that you have, the one that you live for or the one that drives you.

My friend has a dream that he chases like the ultimate goal of his life. He lives for the dream and says would die if the dream died. I was wondering if i had any such thing to live by. For me there is not one dream that i chase. I am very restless by nature hence i cannot live by one thing forever. I need dynamism to drive me and that is why i was so unclear about what i wanted to do in life. When i was a child till i grew up in my teens i wanted to be an archeologist because of my keen interest in history and finding treasures. Then i wanted to be an astronomer gazing stars and naming my own galaxy but those dreams came down crashing when i realised i needed to study, that too science and math and i needed more marks and then study harder all my life!!!! Whatever happened to all the fun on job! Vicious cycle! I had once even thought of being a fashion designer thinking that was cool! So when i enrolled mylsef in the Advertising course in an arts college everybody thought i am a loser. But in the three years of college i made a name for myself in my study area which eventually became my profession. Media!

I do not know what else to do apart from being in media. I have not known anything but being creative and making new things everyday. I was creative from childhood when i watched these craft shows on TV and made them at home. My house was filled with crafts that i made but i never thought i'd make a career out of it. I joined radio where i was doing something new for 7 yrs everyday and that really kept me going until one day i stopped and asked myself, 'is this what i really want to do?' The answer was no. I kept looking for answer for a long time. I had grown in radio from being a college grad to a creative team leader and the journey was fascinating. But there was something missing and i could not find out what. I left radio and i have joined TV now. I get a feeling this is what i want to do in life.

I am restless and dreams don't come to me anymore. I feel there is much more that i am capable of doing. I had begun writing in the last year of my radio career. I was writing stories, scripts, blogs just about anything. I felt tremendous sense of satisfaction when i wrote. I still feel there is more to me to be explored. I never dreamt of being anything when i was a child. Perhaps that is the reason why i am so fidgety about things. Or may be i have never explored and understood my own capabilities.

When i watch TV and see other people doing such a lot of creative stuff i get very excited and motivated to do something like that. I saw this show where i saw a Travel experience designer and i thought WOW so cool to do something like that! Then i saw this girl whose paintings have become so popular that she has come out with a clothes and accessory line by the same name... and i thought why can i not do something like this? The thing is i feel in complete control when i create something. I feel i can do it the way i like it and my mind is the supreme nucleus of ideas then! I am inspired by design. I feel very strongly these days that i won't be working for long now. I may perhaps open my own venture very soon, but honestly that's just a very strong feeling coz i haven't decided what i want to do in life.

I see myself writing a lot, i see myself directing a movie, may be even opening my own label someday. My dream - is to dream everyday. These everyday dreams keep me alive everyday coz i havent seen tomorrow and all i know is today. If i can dream for today i can make my today worthwhile. As for now.... am still trying to figure out what is the ultimate calling of my life. I really want to know the purpose of my existance. My dreams are endless and so is my chase!