Ek Main Bhi Hoon

Ek main bhi hoon

har shaqs ki tarah

jo bheed mein kho jata hai

apne aap ko dhoondhne ke liye

Its been a month since i came to Mumbai. Had been away for many years and its like homecoming to me. There is something about this city that kept me calling back. Finally i gave into the pull and moved in. I had always felt like a stranger in my own hometown despite the fact that i had some known person in every part of Mumbai. I never felt comfortable here when i made small visits but today i have accepted the city and so has the city. Mumbai has opened its arms and the XXL heart that it has to me and i am at home now!

As i swung on the local trains communting between Andheri and Bandra at 10.am i looked around to notice i am no different. The ladies compartment as usual crammed with varied species of abusive women and a few hung on the door as if they are ready to take off and fly directly from the train! Its amusing to see so many people in one city. I get down to multiplying it by zillions to derive world population! I feel world's 1/3 head count lives in Mumbai at any time! In Nagpur if i'd go to a public place say a coffee joint, around 15 odd people would fit into my line of sight at once. But here in Mumbai... i am too scared to count how many!

I am yet to learn the train time tables, which train comes at which platform and i have just barely managed to distinguish between East and West. Infact found my own way to find directions - the good old way of looking at the Sun's position...but that works only in the day, at night am as disoriented as a Bat in the day. Day before i set out on an adventure ride when i boarded the extremely crowded Virar fast at peak 5pm. I got pushed in and shoved out automatically! Got kicked in the behind and some very gentle woman elbowed into my back! For that instance i felt like a 1ton ball hit my back and caused that could kill. But the woman did not even look back if i was hurt. Since it was the return traffic faces were seemingly tired and eager to reach home. Women were booking their seats with others who would get off soon. There were cat fights happening about 'how dare you touch my bag, how can you move it on without asking me, teri to main.... tu chup reh... u shut up' and we were getting entertained at their cost.

Young girls are usually found with handsfree attached to their cell phones and talking to their boy friends perhaps fixing a date on their way back. You can make out from their face who they would be talking to. Some women would simply stand across and stare at you while some are too tired to look anywhere. Then is the time when they gotta get off and suddenly all humanity forgets discipline and fall out of the train like a swarm of bees ready to attack when their hive is disturbed. Every force has an equal an opposite force reacting to it so does the train crowd. As many people shove in when the train is slowing down as if the train leads to heaven.

Then when you get off there are quite a few eyes glaring at you from the general bogie, especially men looking at women and making silly comments knowing that nothing can happen once the train moves. I took the auto from the station to reach home which is about 25mins away. Actually it is just 15 mins and the ten minutes is traffic stoppage time. I sat in this auto that was owned by James Bond or more appropriately Gems Bond. I felt as if the auto was so excited after i sat in that it went on auto pilot mode and took off with a wheely, because no human can possibly drive that way. Countless people maneouvered on the streets and this auto ripped the crowd apart like a ship steering in water that made way for the muscle. Left right bumpy roads trucks buses humans animals nothing mattered to the ruthless auto as it was only focussing on reaching the destination - 4 bunglow! No signal could stop it, no traffic could slow it... it breathed only when it halted at the main gate of my apartment. Phew! Yeh lo bhaiyya 30 rupaye! I did not look back at the monster and i was relieved i was alive.

I knew there was nobody to recieve me at home but i wished there was. The cat my friend was happy to see me i know even if it can't tell. The lady on the ground floor stared from her kitchen window as i passed by thinking god knows what and i reached the entrance of my building and looked up. I had to complete a herculean task of climbing up 3 floors after being hit in my back, bumped in the pothole, thrown left and right in the auto, scared out of my wits and now there are floors between me and my peace! Whoa! It took me exactly 15 mins to climb up since i had no energy left. I reached home and my mind went blank. After freshening up i made a cup of tea for myself and instantly went into think mode. Who am i? Where am i? Who do i identify with? The girls talking on the fone, the women fighting for a seat, the one's hung outside the train, the one who enjoys attention or the one who prefers to anonymity?

I prefer to get lost in the crowd here and then set out to find myself again. Because i have come here to start afresh and begin for myself that i never thought i would do. Mumbai, is my second life!

Phir bhi aitraaz nahi koi

baar baar kho kar

har baar naya insaan khojne mein