and they lived happily ever after...
Ya that's a Cinderella ending anybody would wish for. All's well that ends well... but what if it doesnt end? Its vicious sometime... don't you feel like the hamster in the treadmill who keeps running endlessly without realising his run will never end, unless he decides to jump out. And sometimes thats the solution. Sometimes when the world is round you have to find another shape to fit yourself in.
This cycle of thots is endless. I cannot divert my mind elsewhere today and this has been like it for many days now. Just constant thots about everything and anything its almost garbage. This can't be called 'thinking' because that is voluntary but with me its an automated process. The moment i wake up my mind picks up at 440kmph in a second and it only stops when i sleep. I dont remember my dreams thats because my mind or the sub-conscious has no one thot to weave a dream about!
Like i said i rarely get headaches and thats only when i am supremely stressed, i can't sit down to begin de-stressing myself bcoz my mind begins to wander. In a psychologists term i am going mad.
Not everything has a happy ending... somethings just end.. without a thot or emotion. Thats when too many emotions go into it and suddenly it becomes too overbearing. The hurt, the pain, the tears, the joy, the smile and simple things attached are no longer special. I actually believe (still) that everything has a happy ending... if its not happy its not the end... but may be somethings dont end either. They just dissolve. Meaninglessly... somethings never end....
Nevertheless, these fleeting thots i know can be put to rest only when i want to, i want to put an end to it but i can't catch hold of a single thot, the thots just keep going on and dont stop... but i know only i can stop my thots but....
2 comments:
You have a knack of leaving more things unsaid than said, and yet communicating very effectively!
I feel that with matters of the mind, the very concept of an 'ending' is a myth. Events do begin and end, but what they leave behind never ends, really. Behavioural scientists would call them residues, a layperson simply calls them memories.
The way children are told stories (especially in our country) is one main culprit for perpetrating this myth about happy endings. No better example than Mahabharat. The first version that most Indian kids would read of it (at least of my generation, I dont know about today's, really) would be the Amar Chitra Katha. So Pandav brothers defeat the evil Kaurav clan and then of course, live happily ever after. I just finished reading 'Parva' - by SL Bhairappa. Having read this marvelous interpretation of the epic battle, it is rather difficult to imagine how the life of the five brothers (and their families, whatever was left of them, that is) could have been happy at the end of the carnage. Yet, for millions of kids, Mahbharat has a happy, good-triumphs-over-evil ending.
But I am digressing. My experience has been that he phenomena that just fade away are the most difficult ones to come to terms with. There is no closure, no burial has happened. The problem lies in our inability to differentiate between 'stopping' and 'ending'. There are so many trails in our unconscious, like the branching paths in a forest. Walking along one of these, suddenly the trail simply disappears in the undergrowth. Instead of taking an alternative trail or backtracking to the last fork, we often stop and sit brooding, simply because the trail has stopped. Eventually, we do move on but keep wondering - where would that trail have led to? Why did it have to stop? Worse, why did it have to stop when I was walking on it?
Incomplete things have a strange attraction. Incomplete paintings and poems are a potent example. According to some scholares, Kalidas left his epic Raghuvamsham incomplete. Some poets even tried to complete it (same with his other epic Kumarsambhavam) but they only managed to botch it further. We would never know why he left it that way, and many of us would find it tough to be comfortable with its incompleteness.
About not remembering your dreams, I would like to say something at the risk of sounding sermonizing. According to Carl Jung, we live in two worlds, that of our conscious and of our unconscious. The former is so stark and loud that it makes us spend all the energy of our waking hours dealing with it. All this while, our unconscious is telling us things that we either overlook, and at other times purposely ignore. These then visit us at our most unsuspecting hour in our sleep, because that's one time when we make no attempt to ignore. These are our dreams.
Are there things in your life that you are purposely trying to turn away from? What are these things that have only stopped, while you are wishing that they should really 'end'?
Maybe if you stop insisting that they end, the dreams will switch channels, and leave you with some psychological space to remember the new dreams....
so true... i feel ends are illusive... its really in our heads... when we feel its the end it is then! But sometimes the mind is conditioned badly to drag and carry on till it reaches its limits... but nonetheless... there are no ends.. there are pauses, commas and full stops only to begin new lines.
i agree with whatever u said in ur comment... we live in a world where we like to believe that things have happy ends... who is interested in the lives after the war? who has written about their sordid lives the battle? who is interested basicaly... if it ended happy (according to our belief) there is no relevance after that to any event!
Tell me how many ppl know what happened to sita and ram after they returned happily to their kingdom? how many know the lives of pandavas after the war was fought!? who cares?!
for me dreaming has become an addiction.... and since i am thinking about it i care what i dream about as well... involuntary it is but i would love to control it for sure.
Post a Comment