So much to write… am writing after such a long time that I don’t know where to start. Life has been slightly tight and at times it becomes so busy that you do not have time for yourself. For me its been more of wasted occupancy than any useful utilization of it.
The past two months I have met people of kinds that I had only heard of. I had a brush with what is commonly known as “the TV crowd”. No am not awestruck, but I am just amazed at how phony and distraught these lives are. Every moment is a put on far from what you really are. But one has to drop all the pretence and face reality at some point everyday that is when you face the mirror!
What I realized was each one these faces had a face that they would never act out and bring out to public. Its their own actual face. Very few really have the courage to be themselves and those are the one’s who win your hearts. I met a few who were true to themselves and took no time to befriend them. Its hard to differentiate though who’s acting and who’s not but most often you can figure out who’s for real. Anyway, I made friends with a few. But the biggest learning was the people around me. With the industry going through it worst phase and so are the people, I have learnt not to trust anyone but your own self. Owing to the bad times, everybody is insecure and understandably so. But securing your job at the cost of others is a little unreal. I came across people who would stomp over you to get noticed, there are plenty who would bitch gossip and tweak reality in order to be in good books of some. But the worst are people who hold back information; resist to open their mouths when they know what they know can save somebody’s ass from fire. I am much more aware now and slightly more confident of facing this new world.
However, I made a few really good friends… met few really good people who were a revelation of sorts. This journey on the show and TV per se has been very exciting and enlightening for sure. I know where I stand and I know where I have to head from here. I am in new waters and I am still testing them. Its only unfortunate that my tests are happening at a very wrong time when the opportunities are fewer and the temperaments are fiery. Nonetheless, I am glad I made the move. Lot I may have lost, but what I gained being here is much more in terms of bonds and knowledge.
Post that I was at home… my sister got engaged to her friend who she was seeing for 7yrs. My ex-boss said once ‘ 7yr itch… have you heard of it? People usually fall out after 7 yrs’ and here I am… exactly after 7 yrs…. Looking at my sister and smiling away to glory! It all went well. Then I was doomed in this endless depression of how, why, when and oh hell! Like I had once said, I am afraid of lack of clarity. When I can’t see things I get scared most and I am in that situation again. It comes very often ...this situation! But its easier to deal with sometimes… this time is different.
Anyhow I am glad I am back… would be slightly more active here now on depending on mood and my new silly broadband connection which is slower than the gsm on my cell. And yes thanks to a friend of mine who wrote in to me and reminded me how long it was since I had written!
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