I am unbeautiful.
I am 35. I have been in and out of relationships. All of them, more painful than the previous. All of them made me feel like I was just an option. I am pretty. I am told so, and i believe i am not unattractive for sure. I am intelligent. I know i am. I am smart, i am talented. I love to travel. I give space. I don't question too much. I don't pester too much. I seek space. I am not nagging. I am not unforgiving. I am accomadating. I am adjusting. I don't talk a lot, but there are positive exceptions to this. I am independant. I can fix my own appliances. I am a good driver. I cook fairly well. I love cooking. I eat a lot. I am not fussy. I am fashionable. I am stylish. I have a unique sense of style. I am very individualistic. I am a loner, yet i love people. I love animals. I love movies. I am funny. I am extremely witty. I can mimic. I sing well. I talk blunt. I am adventurous. I travel alone. I have tattoos. I am slightly tomboyish, yet feminine when i need to be. I dance decently. I am strong physically.
Yet, i am single. There is not a single man on this planet who loves me for who i am. Not a single man who would want to accept me.
I don't want to be unloved! I want someone to love me wholly. I dont want to return to an empty home. Where no one is waiting for me. I want to be someone's first choice. I want someone to wake me up with a kiss. I want to wrap my arms around someone to go to sleep. If i stay awake i want to chat with someone all night. I want to walk holding hands. I want someone to hold me from behind when i am unaware. I want to put my head on his shoulder when another girl looks at him just to show he's mine. I want to travel with him. I want to watch movies. I want to watch sunrises and sunsets together. I want to not be talented, if that is a problem. I am fine being less talented than that someone. I will nag if that is going to fetch me love. I will harass, not adjust, be adamant, stubborn and argumentative. I will pester. I will keep calling and checking upon. Will leave no room to breathe if that helps. I will bang the car while i reverse. I will ruin electronics and pretend like i never even touched them! I will wear frills, flown gowns, paint my nails like every other girl. I will laugh at jokes after 2 hours or laugh non stop for 2 hours. I will go 'aaaaawwwwwww' when i see cute puppies. I will articulate. I will train to sing and dance. I won't get adventurous at all. I will hide my tattoos, unfortunately i can't undo them. I will behave frail. If only all this fetches me love.
I have not been complimented in ages. I have not been told how beautiful i am. I have not been reminded how i may be centre of someones world. Nobody finds me attractive? Nobody? Nobody feels i am worthy of their love? Not a single man that would want to spend some time with me... let alone a lifetime. I am everything a man seeks in his woman, yet i am single. What is not working for me? May be i am just.... unbeautiful.
I am 35. I have been in and out of relationships. All of them, more painful than the previous. All of them made me feel like I was just an option. I am pretty. I am told so, and i believe i am not unattractive for sure. I am intelligent. I know i am. I am smart, i am talented. I love to travel. I give space. I don't question too much. I don't pester too much. I seek space. I am not nagging. I am not unforgiving. I am accomadating. I am adjusting. I don't talk a lot, but there are positive exceptions to this. I am independant. I can fix my own appliances. I am a good driver. I cook fairly well. I love cooking. I eat a lot. I am not fussy. I am fashionable. I am stylish. I have a unique sense of style. I am very individualistic. I am a loner, yet i love people. I love animals. I love movies. I am funny. I am extremely witty. I can mimic. I sing well. I talk blunt. I am adventurous. I travel alone. I have tattoos. I am slightly tomboyish, yet feminine when i need to be. I dance decently. I am strong physically.
Yet, i am single. There is not a single man on this planet who loves me for who i am. Not a single man who would want to accept me.
I don't want to be unloved! I want someone to love me wholly. I dont want to return to an empty home. Where no one is waiting for me. I want to be someone's first choice. I want someone to wake me up with a kiss. I want to wrap my arms around someone to go to sleep. If i stay awake i want to chat with someone all night. I want to walk holding hands. I want someone to hold me from behind when i am unaware. I want to put my head on his shoulder when another girl looks at him just to show he's mine. I want to travel with him. I want to watch movies. I want to watch sunrises and sunsets together. I want to not be talented, if that is a problem. I am fine being less talented than that someone. I will nag if that is going to fetch me love. I will harass, not adjust, be adamant, stubborn and argumentative. I will pester. I will keep calling and checking upon. Will leave no room to breathe if that helps. I will bang the car while i reverse. I will ruin electronics and pretend like i never even touched them! I will wear frills, flown gowns, paint my nails like every other girl. I will laugh at jokes after 2 hours or laugh non stop for 2 hours. I will go 'aaaaawwwwwww' when i see cute puppies. I will articulate. I will train to sing and dance. I won't get adventurous at all. I will hide my tattoos, unfortunately i can't undo them. I will behave frail. If only all this fetches me love.
I have not been complimented in ages. I have not been told how beautiful i am. I have not been reminded how i may be centre of someones world. Nobody finds me attractive? Nobody? Nobody feels i am worthy of their love? Not a single man that would want to spend some time with me... let alone a lifetime. I am everything a man seeks in his woman, yet i am single. What is not working for me? May be i am just.... unbeautiful.
2 comments:
We all need to see the beauty in ourselves, and love ourselves without feeling the need to be loved by others. This exudes self confidence, which we all need. Perhaps when you least expect it, and are not thinking about it, you will find your soul mate. I wish you all the best. Greetings from Montreal, Canada. :)
Thank you Linda. Well put!
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